During our last convention trip, as we were all cooped up in the trailer, I decided to take out a card game that we play once in a while, called “The Art of Conversation.” Each card contains a “conversation starter” question and the rules of the game teach–you guessed it!–the art of conversation.

I picked a question for my five year old daughter that asked, “What one word would you use to describe yourself?” Almost before I got a chance to finish the question, I got several replies from the other children, responding about the one I had asked. In defiance of all of the “rules” of The Art of Conversation, one sibling yelled, “Bossy!” and another said, “Loud!” I thought to myself, and then said out loud, “That is really an unkind way to describe your sister. Let’s give her a chance to answer the question.” I asked it again and waited for her response.

Now, this particular child is pretty loud. And sometimes bossy. She also has a good sense of humor. I actually could see her describing herself as “loud” without a problem, since having a “gentle and quiet spirit” is something she gets a lot of reminders about. I kind of expected her to do it, just to get a laugh. (And, quite honestly, that might have been the first adjective that popped into my mind as well.) But very quietly, she said,

“Helper.“

And I was surprised that I had never really seen her that way. At least, that’s not the dominant trait that I would have focused on in describing her. And yet, it is true. She’s a very willing helper. She enjoys helping me and helping her siblings. It gives her a sense of accomplishment and confidence in what she is able to do. I know that she also enjoys helping me because it gives us a chance to spend some “quality time” together. She always asks to help, almost always serves cheerfully, and normally goes above and beyond in the quality of work that she does. I was sorry that this wasn’t the first thing that I had thought of in asking such a question of my daughter.

This little question-and-answer has been on my mind a lot lately. I’m continually reminded of how easy it is to “label” a particular person, especially in a negative sense, rather than focusing on the good. And we all know what self-fulfilling prophecies words can be. So, I ask you, what “word” do you associate with each of your children, or your husband, in particular? How does that affect how you interact with them? Do you think that your assessment manifests itself in the way that you behave toward other people in your family? Perhaps more pointedly, I wonder what our “labeling” of others says about us.

“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45)

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)