Values-Driven

I’ve been thinking this morning about how grateful I am to the Lord for His grace in helping me to grow in different areas as a wife, mother, and Christian. Particularly on the home front, I have to admit that I haven’t always enjoyed my children. There is so much busyness about everyday! We have chores to do, schoolwork to do, animals to care for, food to prepare, work of different kinds for my husband and myself, ministry opportunities, grocery shopping, doctor’s appointments, and… you know how it is, I’m sure. Our life is no different than anyone else’s.

Not only that, but there’s just parenting, which actually is multi-dimensional. We need to provide our children with spiritual instruction and character training, equip them with practical life skills, build solid relationships with them, and make sure to encourage them regularly.

With all that going on (and particularly with so many children), things have got to be “managed.” But I’ve found that there’s a fine line between management and control. When I’m managing, I’m relying the the Holy Spirit to direct me in the way the Lord wants me to go. I’m keeping in mind that I’m serving God, not myself or my own expectations and standards. When I cross the line and try to control these different things, I get myself in trouble. Then, it’s too much of me and not enough of the Lord. I get “tunnel vision” and focus on what needs to get done (or what “I” can do), rather than on the “big picture” things that need to happen and what the Lord wants to accomplish. “Control” makes my role as a “manager of the home” quite unenjoyable.

Not only that, but simply the hustle-and-bustle of everyday, with making sure that what needs doing gets done, sometimes prevents me from enjoying my children as much as I would like to. Frankly, their foolishness can be irritating, particularly when I’m trying to get something else (or, usually, several other things!) accomplished. Providing sometimes constant correction can be wearying. Housekeeping is never-ending (there’s always “more” I could do!). And food preparation for a family the size of ours is almost always time-consuming.

But I’m so thankful that God has worked on me a lot in this area over time. I’ve learned not to take everything so seriously! Sometimes I have to loosen up “on purpose,” because it’s really not my nature. So in the midst of all of activity of each day (and the days seem to stay full to the brim!) here are some things that I consistently try to do:

• Smile at my children
• Say things like, “I love you,” “I’m glad God gave you to me,” “You are special,” “Thank you,” “You blessed me by doing that,” or whatever other encouraging things I can think of.
• Find things to laugh about (even if it’s something that would otherwise make me cry!)
• Occasionally give everybody a special treat…like cake in the middle of the morning or hot chocolate in the afternoon, “just because.”
• Remember to hang up the pictures the children make for me (or display their projects) and point them out to Daddy when he’s done working.
• Wear the yarn-and-bead necklaces and the pipe-cleaner rings that they’ve given me as gifts, and make sure to show them off!
• Set aside at least a few moments of every day to spend some individual time with each child. Sometimes it IS only a few minutes (much as I’d like it to be longer), but time set apart is cherished, no matter what we do…read a book, sing some songs, play a game, or “whatever.” When you have a large family, usually everyone is always together, or the children tend to do things in groups–so telling everyone else,”Mommy wants to do this only with __________” really makes a child feel special!
• Do something to make my children feel loved…and these are constant “little things.” I give my oldes son a neck massage, because he’s very ticklish and it just makes him laugh. My second son likes hugs, any time and just because. My oldest daughter likes to be “Mommy’s helper” and have me tell her that she’s being really grown up! My middle daughter loves to be tickled, and she has a great laugh. My youngest daughter enjoys reading books. And the baby, so far, just likes being held and smiled at a lot. All the kids love it when we take a familiar tune and sing different words to it, especially if it’s something funny. Then there are the secret winks, pet names, and just plain pats on the back and stuff like that.

It’s easy to get way too serious about everything that needs “managing,” but we need to make the most of every opportunity to really connect with our kids and let them know that they are loved. That is what makes every day enjoyable. It’s not about crossing things off of our to-do list or doing all the lessons in the workbook or making a perfect 4-course meal or having the bookshelves dusted and everything in its place all the time. That’s the stuff that’ll take the joy right out of living! I’m constantly reminding my kids, “God made us a family, and He wants us to love each other!” And love is in the little things. So I urge you to look for “little things” to do and say today to remind your children that you love them and that they are special. For me, it’s been something I’ve had to remind myself often to do–but it’s not something we can do without. Just one more area of parenting and life in general in which I need to be proactive. It’s worth it!