I don’t know the origin of the saying, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness,” but it’s certainly not in my Bible. The closest thing I have is the Titus 2 directive to women that they should be “busy at home,” and Timothy 5:14, which tells older women to teach the younger women to “manage their homes.” While I don’t imagine that we honor God when our homes are in a state of disarray or chaos, I do believe that we can allow the pendulum to swing the other way and concentrate too much on housekeeping and not enough on other things that matter.
A minimal level of cleanliness is necessary for everyone’s health. Certainly we don’t want to let food stuffs pile up on the counters, allow our little ones to sleep on sheets that have been soiled, have such a dusty home that breathing is unhealthy, or have the carpets littered with debris that the little ones would be putting in their mouths. That much seems obvious.
Beyond that, it’s important for us to keep clean homes so that we are always prepared to “practice hospitality.” That’s in my Bible, so I take it seriously! (See Romans 12:13, 1 Timothy 5:10, and 1 Peter 4:9, for example). I don’t relish the thought of someone unexpectedly coming to my home and having to make apologies for its condition. At the same time, I don’t think we need to be able to eat off the floors, either. This is our home, and we live here…2 adults and 6 children, all of us, all day, every day. It’s not going to be perfectly clean all the time, but we do try to keep it consistently neat.
Another reason to focus on housekeeping is for the value of diligence that it imparts to the children, as they are trained to help with various chores and are encouraged to keep their messes cleaned up behind them. After all, our children are going to grow up to WORK every day, and while we do want them to enjoy their childhood and there is a time for play, they miss a lot if they don’t see the value of work. It also guides them in wisdom, to have them take care of their possessions by having “a place for everything, and everything in its place.”
Last night my husband went out with four of the six children on an extended errand and I was looking forward to having some time to myself after putting the two youngest ones to bed. All I had to do was put away the few miscellaneous toys that had gotten left out, put some of my laundry away, and get some sleeping bags and pillows out in the tents for the crew when they came home (it was a “camp out” last night, once everyone got home!). Somehow, though, those few things took a lot longer than I thought…and even though I got the little ones to bed at 7:45, I was just finishing up and making myself a cup of tea at about 9:00 when the rest of the family came in the door! Why did it take so long, I wondered? Well, my oldest would have gotten our toddler ready for bed and changed her diaper; the boys would have gone out to put the chickens in for the night and collect the eggs (one of those “unexpected” chores I did along the way…). And I would have had several of the children help with hauling pillows, blankets and sleeping bags out to the tents instead of having to make multiple trips myself. Many hands make light work, and sometimes I do not realize just how much our children help me to accomplish!
I think our children have a great attitude about work and about helping out in service to others–and that is only because we encourage them to help out around the house with all kinds of chores as they are able. (And, yes, they do have plenty of “free time” as well, just for the record!)
Granted, this takes proactive training and patience. We also have to lower our standards a bit when we view the jobs our children do. What is considered “passable” work from a child is certainly not the level of cleaning that I would do. But together, we keep our home in fairly good order.
Everyone has daily jobs, both first thing in the morning and in the late afternoon. We have a couple of general rules: Everyone works until everyone is done (so that if one child is done with his job first, he should go help a sibling with her job.) Also, (straight from 1 Thessalonians 3:10): “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” Thus, we don’t eat breakfast until after all our morning chores are done. If we have a dawdler (or even two) they get helped out by siblings for as long as they are being diligent, but if they are just playing around, they lose the privilege of having helpers and can come to the table and eat along with everyone else once they finish their designated chore. We’ve had a couple of the kids eat cold food a good hour after everyone else had left the table, but they miss the fellowship of the family and don’t prefer cold food, so that’s been a rare exception. Generally speaking, our chores get done within 30-45 minutes and then we’re on to more important things.
Of course, in having a rotating schedule of chores the whole house never looks clean at once, but we do maintain a neat appearance. Granted, we have some consistent “piles” of books and papers here and there in our particular “hot spots.” And dusting has never been my favorite thing to do, so if anything suffers, that’s it. But these things I can live with. I was chuckling to myself this morning as I looked up, because I rarely look UP (except in the spiritual sense…). Here’s what you would see if you took a quick look UP in our kitchen:
Looks nice, no? But here’s what you’d see if you REALLY “looked”:
One thing that has not ceased to amaze me about living in a log home is the number of cobwebs we have in comparison to our old house. So when I look “up” and see this, I grab my duster and take a quick trip around the house, clearing out all of the trouble spots. But beyond that, I don’t worry too much about it. There are much more important things going on. We focus on housekeeping and home management for the values that it will impart to our children and in order to be able to practice hospitality in a way that honors God; but I don’t see any reason to over-invest in this area. If we did, we’d be missing out on valuable family times, teachable moments for discipling our children, opportunities for serving others in ministry, and so on. Home management is of value as a means of training our children in Godly character; but there are so many other things going on in our home that are of greater eternal significance!
I’ve always been a person of order and schedules. I love the idea of “home management.” So stepping back a bit in my own expectations over the years has been, at times, almost painful. But now I’m at a place where I see the wisdom of this paradigm shift, and I’m thankful to the Lord for helping me to keep a balanced perspective in this area. I read a great article a while ago on Steve Nelson’s site, Premeditated Parenting, that I loved so much I now keep it posted on my refrigerator (thanks, Steve!). I’ll copy it here, but if you have a chance, make sure to visit Steve–he’s got some great stuff going on over there! 🙂
With all that being said, I hope you’ll also take the time to visit our site (http://www.valuesdrivenfamily.com/) and get some of our free downloads, including a children’s chore chart, family scheduling templates, and so on. We discuss many of these topics (home management, children and chores, character and values training) in our book, “The Values-Driven Family.” If you’re interested in exploring how to put together all of these pieces of the family puzzle, visit our site for more information or to buy the book!
Without further ado, here’s Steve’s excellent article:
The Smell of Parenting
Proverbs 14:4 Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox. ESV
A novice farmer shows off his clean barn to his neighbor. The ground is spotless, and the manger, or feed trough, looks as clean as new. After shooting the breeze a while the experienced farmer invites his friend to come and see what a barn should look like. The young farmer is a little hurt because he can’t imagine a nicer setup than he has.
They walk over to the neighbor’s farm, all the while discussing the incredible amount of work each of the older farmer’s four oxen can perform. At the barn, hay is strewn everywhere, and the feed trough is covered with dried ox slobber.
“What is that horrible stench?” asks the young man.
“That, my friend, is the smell of money.”
The goal of a farmer is not to have the nicest barn, cleanest trough, or freshest fragrances. His goal is to grow crops and raise animals. To focus on his goal, he lets a few things slide along the way. From sunup to sundown he works hard. He is not lazy or negligent, but he simply has no time to clean troughs and rake out barns. Instead of scooping up every piece of manure, he simply wears rubber boots.
A wise parent will take a similar approach. If every meal must be a culinary delight, every toy in its perfect spot, every shelf dusted, and every floor vacuumed, there will be no time left for parenting. With children comes a certain level of messiness. This is to be managed, but also expected. The goal is to raise the children, not eliminate the messiness. As the farmer embraces the mess of the ox the parent should embrace the clutter of childhood. Far more critical things are happening in our homes than keeping our houses spotless. Much good is being produced in a Christian home.
