I went to bed at a decent time but found myself up and unable to sleep at about 3 AM. So of course, I went downstairs to download some MP3 audios that I’ve been waiting to listen to. (My ISP has download limits and if we exceed them, our connection is basically shot for 24 hours–yuck!–but we have “free download time”/no limits from 3AM to 6AM. That usually doesn’t mean anything to me, but since I was up anyway…)

Also checked my email and heard from a friend, which was nice. I was glad to have the time to email a lengthy response (there finally being few distractions in the middle of the night, after all…) And the email REQUIRED a lengthy response, because my friend was basically looking for “my” take on DISCIPLESHIP…asking, basically, “What is discipleship, anyway?” Oh, that’s a loaded question! Thought some of you might wonder the same thing…so I figured that since I did the work of putting together my thoughts, I might as well post them here, for what it’s worth. 🙂

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Basically, the word “disciple” (as a verb) means to teach or train. Jesus had twelve disciples that he taught/trained, and His goal was that they would be like Him. Our goal in discipling our children is for them to be like JESUS! However, our biggest problem is our concept of teaching and training. For Jesus, discipleship was a “do as I do” model. In the Hebrew culture, students “lived with” their teachers/”masters” so that they would SEE them live…speak…and put their “teachings” into practice. This model takes time…Jesus was with His disciples for three years, and we know that Paul spent some time in various cities—mostly to invest in this “discipleship” process. I like how the apostle Paul described the process: “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1).

HOWEVER, we have been indoctrinated with a Greek philosophy of education, which replaces the hands-on, “doing life together” model with a knowledge-based model of “teaching”—i.e., lessons of words, readings, etc. These are pretty good at imparting “head knowledge,” but the DOING is difficult because there is not much encouragement for application by example.

When we consider what it means to disciple our children, our goal is to return to the model that Jesus gave us…to keep our children near to us so that they can see our example. To be authentic with our children when we fall short…to teach them about repentance and perseverance in our faith. Essentially, to fulfill the command of Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” The idea, though, is not just to “talk,” but to talk about what we’re LIVING and how God wants our children to live.

Training in obedience usually results from being consistent with discipline (I have to admit that, unlike you, we have shown more inconsistency than I’d like in this area!) Training in Christlike character (which is the heart of discipleship, really) is more difficult because it targets the heart, not just outward behavior. While we like to look at behaviors because they’re easier to “correct” and we can see faster results, God cares about the HEART, and that’s the target of this discipleship process…the process of living what we believe and showing our children how THEY can do the same. It takes more time to see results this way, but the results are at the heart-level and so are longer-lasting. Children’s obedience to God’s commands (and our Biblical instruction) doesn’t just come from their conformity due to negative consequences, but it comes from the heart because they desire to live a life that is pleasing to God.

Where I have probably fallen down with discipleship lately (in my “muddling” season!) is in that I have come “disconnected” with my kids. Because Biblical discipleship is a “do as I do” process, we have to invest TIME with our kids…and it’s all too easy to shuffle them off to one place or another, put in a video to get some quiet time for ourselves, or just fill the days with “meaningless” activity just to keep everyone occupied. Likewise, easier to discipline behaviors than to disciple them…that means, instead of “just” providing a consequence for negative behaviors (which often is necessary), we have to invest sometime in talking about things and encourage the children with what God’s Word has to say. Going back to Deuteronomy 6:6-7, this means that WE (parents) have to have God’s “commandments” UPON OUR HEARTS so that we can impart them to our children.

So what does discipleship “look” like? Well, for me it means “explaining” to my children WHAT I’m doing and WHY…not just “being” an example, but showing them my heart. If I’m frustrated, I try to step back and not just apologize, but tell they WHY I’m sorry—because I know that I’m not showing the “patient and kind” love that God wants me to. I explain to them the importance of repentance…the grace of God…and the power of the Holy Spirit that can help us change direction when we’re getting off-track. If I find myself complaining, I eventually get to the point where I say, “God really wants us to have an attitude of praise, not a complaining spirit. When we grumble against our circumstances, we’re grumbling against God—like the Israelites who complained against Moses in the wilderness!” So I find a way to make each of my complaints a PRAISE, and ask the kids to help me out. They can “see” my thought process and how “I” apply God’s Word to my circumstances, to get from where I am to where God wants me to be. They “see” how to live out their faith.

As far as discipling them through THEIR negative behaviors, I “TRY” to be encouraging with the Word rather than punitive (nobody likes to get beat over the head with a Bible!)…there are verses that they may hear a lot (about loving one another, serving one another in love, encouraging one another with their speech…various verses on how to avoid and/or deal with arguments, etc.) and I just keep bringing them up any time they are needed. I trust that eventually they’ll work into the kids’ hearts. And I love now that they’re getting older, we can TALK about their life circumstances, decisions, etc. and THEY can begin to apply God’s Word. With our guidance to help them see the “whole” of Scripture and understand and God’s truth, THEY can see how it applies to their lives. But we can’t do that unless they’re close to us and we’re aware of what’s going on in their lives. Connectedness is so important to the discipleship process!

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I ended this by reminding my friend that our most-referenced verses–and then some!–are put together in our Values-Driven Discipleship manual…feel free to check it out. 🙂