We’ve probably all heard the expression, children should be seen and not heard. But in America, I don’t see that as being true. Most parents are concerned with teaching their children proper respect and manners, but children are generally integrated into social situations and taught to interact appropriately with different types of people in various situations.
As we were reading a “Culture” book about Kenya in preparation for our move, it noted that the adage children should be seen and not heard was generally alive and well here. I wondered how our children would compare with theirs. Wonder no more–our children are most certainly seen and heard.
Kenyan children, even while at play, generally do not yell and scream (at least from what I have heard). Even the babies seem quiet; they are carried, held, and nursed what seems constantly and are quite content for the most part. The only time I have heard a baby cry is early in the morning, upon their waking (our neighbors are all quite close, so not much is secret!). When adults are conversing, children generally sit quietly with their parents or in the background. They seem not to seek entertainment but patiently endure what must be quite boring.
In contrast, while adults are talking, our children may be asked to sit quietly for a while, which they do without complaint, but at some point we will excuse them.Once released, they will wander off into another room or outside, where their happy-but-loud noise generally carries throughout the house (one benefit of having no ceilings and a tin roof!). I hesitate to reprimand them, but the difference is certainly marked. I’m not sure how our Kenyan counterparts react to our children’s ways, but at the same time I don’t know to what extent we will try to conform their behavior.
What is your feeling about children being seen and not heard? Is it better for children to be brought up under this expectation–what are the advantages and disadvantages, for them, for the family, and for society? To what extent would you try to train (or re-train) your children if a cultural or social expectation was at odds with your practices?