I have one daughter who is a bit more willful than the others. Everything she does is done dramatically. Although she is young (age 5), she has a good understanding of who God is, and as much as she understands she does (usually) want to please Him. But sometimes her self-will gets in the way.

I can see that played out in our relationship as well. She has a servant’s heart, this child, and always wants to help me in the kitchen. Wants to take care of her baby sister. But sometimes I see that stubborn self-will in combination with her desire to do good. What she’s “doing” seems right, but her heart, I can tell, is wrong. For example, she’s trying to comfort the baby by holding her but she’s being a bit rougher than she knows she should be. In spite of my encouragement to the contrary, she often treats the baby more like a baby doll and does the things that she wants to rather than the things that would be helpful.

In the kitchen last night…

She asked to help make supper, as usual. I kindly remind her that if she’s going to help, she needs to do the things that are helpful and follow directions. I know, Mom. So I ask her to stir the pot, where I’m dropping in spoonfuls of dough to make dumplings. She does so for a minute, but I can see she really wants to use the scooping tool to drop dough in the water. She tries to grab it out of my hand. I remind her that I really need her to stir the water so the dumplings don’t stick together. I can see by the look on her face that she doesn’t like it.

She asks to put the dough in the pot. I have a decision to make. Do I let her do what she wants (though it is good), or do I (knowing that her heart is being stubbornly self-willed) instead ask her to continue doing what I’ve asked?

This is an impasse we arrive at often, me and this child. Sometimes I give her her way. Unfortunately, I’ve seen that when I do this, she grows more self-willed and later I have to deal with hardness and bad attitudes that are very hard to correct.

So instead, I nip it in the bud. I gently remind her that sometimes we need to do what is needed, rather than what we would prefer. I tell her she is being a great help to me and thank her for what she is doing.

Of course, she’s still not happy. But I hope she’s learning.

And I had many thoughts in prayer over her this morning, about how this little scenario plays out in our relationship with our loving Father as well. We often want to do the things that seem good and right…but they are mixed up with our own self-will and God knows our hearts. Sometimes He doesn’t let us do those things, just because He wants us to learn to surrender to His perfect will rather than obstinately follow after our own. Maybe.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:6-7)