Category: values

A Lesson from History

valuesdr

Recently, my grandfather (an 86 year-old WWII veteran) self-published his autobiography, primarily for the family. It is an amazing history of his youth in Oklahoma during the Great Depression, his enlistment in the army at the age of 17, his 3-1/2 years as a prisoner of war of the Japanese, and then his post-war career and family life. We have been reading aloud from his story in the evenings as a family, and it has been a neat experience to have history really come alive in this way.

We just got a new puppy, and the baby has not been sleeping through the night regularly enough. So between the two of them, I’m either getting up for the baby crying and wanting to nurse or the puppy whining from his crate (either for some company or to go outside to potty). Honestly, I am just way too tired, and that never helps things. So I was having a bit of a difficult time going into the morning anyway…and what did I decide to do but balance the checkbook? That probably wasn’t wise because it stressed me out way too much. The older children did their reading, writing and math but we didn’t get to the electives that I had hoped to, so I was feeling frustrated about that. But then I thought about my Grandfather’s story.

When he enlisted in the army, he recalled saying goodbye to his father. He wrote, “Little did I know that we would not see each other again for five years.” And even when they did see each other again, it was not to be reunited as a family; my grandfather would only return to say goodbye to his family and then travel across the country to CT to marry the army nurse whom he had met post-war. He had younger siblings that he would barely know. One sister was born while he was in the service, who would never know her oldest brother as a part of the nuclear family. So as I was feeling a little frustrated about what “didn’t” get done today, I was listening to what we WERE doing. While I made some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, my oldest was talking to his Grandma on the phone. All of my younger children were playing some rousing game of pretend in the girls’ bedroom. Laughing. Playing together. Enjoying one another. So, no, we didn’t “do” some of the school-related things that I had hoped to check off of our to-do list…but look at what memories my children were making, and the relationships they were building. We will never have this day again. One day, we will not be a family in the same way that we are today. So I am glad for what we did “accomplish” today. Oh, I am getting way too sappy, aren’t I?

Then I got to thinking…yes, family is important. I want us to enjoy each other. But we also need to have an eternal perspective as children in the family of God. What did we do today that was of eternal significance? What DID we do that won’t really matter when we go to be with the Lord? Just out of curiosity, I asked the children what they thought was eternally significant about their day. My 3 year-old said that she shared her toys with her little sister. My 4 year-old daughter said she was diligent about doing dishes with her sister–did most of them herself, in fact. And, she reminded me, God wants us to be diligent! My younger son said that he was diligent in his schoolwork, and read aloud some stories to his sisters. My oldest son said that he was diligent about his schoolwork as well, and he had spent some time with his dad before Daddy left for the week. And what did I do? Ultimately (after a bit of a rough start), I enjoyed my children and tried to make sure that they enjoyed each other. I reminded them that it’s not all about “today.” One thing that I didn’t do was sweep under the kitchen table after lunch. Not that it didn’t “need” to get done…but the crumbs weren’t that bad, and I decided I’d rather hang out with my boys for a while.

New Year Action Item: Character Training

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With the hustle and bustle of the holidays behind us, now is the perfect time to buckle down and set our priorities in order. I’m sure many of you experience what we experience: a hectic schedule of running around to a host of events with friends, family, and church—normal routines all but forgotten. Nap schedules, school schedules, regular chore responsibilities, and even family devotional times all suffer some disarray during the busy season with all the traveling and outings. Likewise, the flood of gifts from well-intentioned family members can at times shift our focus away from Christ (the Reason for the season) and toward materialism.

We find that the wind-down after the holidays is always the perfect time for refocus and reestablishment of longstanding priorities. For us, the New Year is also a time of reflection and evaluation of those priorities. Cindy and I discuss what we have accomplished in the year—how the children are doing, how we are doing, our ministry, our personal finances, work—all the different aspects of our household. We talk about what is working and what is not. We see how reality measures up with our expectations—both long and short-term. We decide if changes are needed and discuss what those changes should be. We praise God for the successes and grow wiser from the failures. Nothing is wasted as we press on to be the best parents, spouses, and Christians we can be.

Over the years, one area that has continued to be of utmost importance to us is how we are meeting our Biblical responsibilities in raising our children. We ask ourselves some tough questions:

  • Is God pleased with our discipleship efforts?
  • Is the Word getting in our children’s hearts?
  • Does the children’s character reflect the values that God values? (Does ours as parents?—that can be an “ouch!”)
  • Are we teaching them the Word sufficiently with our devotional times?
  • Are we making the most of the “teachable moments” of life?
  • Is our effort measuring up with Deuteronomy 6:6-7 and Ephesians 6:4?

    These are the standards God sets for us, and we try to take our responsibility seriously. Are we perfect? Absolutely not! That’s why we need to introspectively search out these things; we want to make sure that we are putting in our best effort in our high calling as parents and as followers of Christ. As we identify any areas of weakness, we can proactively plan on how to make progress in our spiritual growth.

    I encourage you to also have these discussions with your spouse. Ask yourself those tough questions. Determine if you are doing everything you can do. If God convicts you that you should be doing more, seek His guidance and make this year the year you will put forth your absolute best efforts in imparting God’s Word to your children’s hearts.

    Personally, we have discovered that proactive teaching during family devotional times greatly reduces the frequency and seriousness of day-to-day disciplinary events. We have likewise found that it is those real-time “teachable moments” that allow God’s Word to travel the 18 inches from the children’s minds to their hearts. Reading the Word is necessary, but teaching the Word during real-life situations has a much more lasting effect.

    One tool that has been extremely helpful for us in this area is a binder of character-themed Bible verses. These verses have become vital for both leading family devotional times and capturing those real-time discipleship opportunities, or “teachable moments.” If you recognize a need for some over-haul in this area (and who doesn’t?), we have recently compiled these themed verses in a 150+ page binder, with a thorough table of contents and index for easy use. (Visit here if you wish to learn more.) Values-Driven Discipleship: Biblical Instruction and Character Training Manual could be the blessing your family needs to shore up this all-important area in your home. It has blessed ours! But please, by all means, continue to fulfill the sacred trust God has given you and resolve, in this new year, to actively disciple your children.

    • Dangerous Intersection: Homeschool and Life…

    valuesdr

    Last time we got a little philosophical on homeschooling, so now how about something a little more practical? Our planner/organizer pages for homeschooling are another download that attracts lots of visitors, and that gets me thinking about the difficulty of intersecting home management and homeschooling.

    I recall reading in my last issue of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, “10 Tips for Successful Homeschooling,” (or something like that…sorry, I don’t have it in front of me right now). Anyway, the article was written by a mom of eight children, and her tips were good ones. One of her suggestions, though, gave me pause. She advised not do “housework” during school time, but to set aside a chunk of time during the day and keep it just for academics. I remember being surprised that she could do that with eight children! I don’t know about you, but at my house there’s always something else going on at “school time,” especially with several little ones (preschoolers) underfoot.

    Maybe that was a goal—an ideal? I didn’t get that impression from the article, but it sure doesn’t seem exactly practical to me. Not that I’m knocking someone else’s way of doing things; it sure sounds like a great plan. I’d love to be able to compartmentalize things that way! But, like I said, when the rubber meets the road, I wonder how it’s possible to actually do it? I know that when we start “school time” in the morning, sometimes I have to interrupt my school-agers’ routine so they can hold the baby while I change the toddler’s diaper. Or have one of them run and get me a towel to deal with the spilled…whatever on the floor. Granted, I do try to keep interruptions to a minimum—but life inevitably goes on. If it’s not housework, it’s often “something else.”

    And then there’s one of the questions that came up in “Managers of Their Homes” (a great book by Terri Maxwell—I highly recommend it!). What do you do when you have school time scheduled to cover certain subjects each day, and the assignment doesn’t get finished during the allotted time? Do you scrap the remainder of the assignment (going back to it during the next scheduled period for that activity) or do you let the child finish—which skews the “next” thing? Terri recommends staying with your time schedule and returning to the work during its next slated block. Makes me think of a friend of mine, whose daughter always seems to be playing “catch up” with schoolwork on Saturday—sometimes for a good part of the day—just for this reason. That’s no fun for anyone!

    So what’s a homeschool mom to do? We need to address academics, yes. We all could use more hours in the day—so scheduling may help. But then again, it’s often a hard task-master. Setting aside “school-only” time is a great ideal, but “life” sure does happen, no matter how you try to keep it out of the way.

    I’ve found that, for us, it’s important to have a “first things first” mindset about homeschooling. And that doesn’t necessarily mean setting aside “school time” in the morning and letting everything else go until later in the day. We do have time that’s earmarked for academics, but it’s helpful to be forgiving about how our time, overall, is utilized. When I see my school goals for the day getting interrupted by distractions, difficulties, sudden errands, or other things, I have to take a step back (often take a deep breath…and pray), and then remind myself to prioritize. And, honestly, academics aren’t in the number one spot. We can homeschool 24/7 and 365, so I don’t worry about “when” it will happen. I know that it will! Instead, I deal with the more important matters–the things that are of eternal value.

    What that means is that first, I recognize that we are growing in Christ and want to glorify Him in all that we do. So we focus on character development, living the Word, sharing the Gospel, and all that is most valuable to the Lord. So what do we do when a child’s assignment isn’t getting done in the time period that I would like? Well, first, I make sure that my expectations have been realistic. Sometimes it’s an error on my part that causes frustration. Then, we capture that “teachable moment” and talk about what is important to God in this situation—not the assignment getting done (because we can always learn multiplication or state capitals or “whatever” another day)—but that we exhibit the character of Christ by working diligently, or by having a positive attitude about work, or by praising God for whatever circumstance we’re in. We encourage one another with topical Scriptures, pray together for a fresh start, provide encouragement if something is difficult, teach (or re-teach) if necessary, and move on in our lesson. Even if we “waste” a half-hour over these character training issues, is it really a “waste?” Maybe today we’ll have to scrap an assignment that we’d rather not—but it’ll make for a better day tomorrow! And, my children will be growing in Christ, which I consider to be of greater value than all of our academics.

    Second, we are a family. We deal with each other and with real life as-it-happens. These are some of our most valuable lessons! When my older children are trying to work at the dining room table and the toddler blows through the area with her pint-sized vacuum (and boy, do I love the sound of that on our tile floor!), yes, I encourage her to go use her vacuum in the living room (on the softer, quieter carpet), and yes, I’ll remind the boys that they can go downstairs if the noise is getting distracting…but it’s also not a big deal to me if I invite the boys to stop and smile at their sister, or if they interrupt what they’re doing for a few minutes to talk to her and laugh about something. Maybe we’ll go “over” on our allotted time for their assignment, but in the meantime we’re building our family relationships and enjoying one another. Again, you just have to ask yourself, what is of greater value?

    We’ve found it very helpful to “start” with a schedule. It’s a necessary discipline that helps us to determine what needs to be done, and to find out just when we’ll have time for each piece of the puzzle. Then, it’s nice to work ourselves “out” of that schedule a bit and experience the freedom of a really good routine. Because didn’t I mention that a schedule can be a hard task-master? It is often what gives us the idea that academics are for school time and real life isn’t allowed to interrupt. It can be what causes us, as parents, to neglect teachable moments when we can impart God’s Word to our children at a key time when their hearts will receive its truth. It can also be what makes us miss out on loving and enjoying one another as a family.

    Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that it’s “bad” to have a schedule. If you do have one, then I think it’s just wise to realize that God is the author of our hours and that He will very often have a different plan than we do. So don’t get too rigid. That’s where we fall down! And remember our last newsletter article about the foundations of homeschooling? The heart of Christian homeschooling is Jesus Christ and our relationship with Him. Don’t sacrifice the relationship for a bunch of rules. If God wants something to get done, He’ll give you time to do it. If you’re frustrated and scrambling to make things happen, you’re probably trying to accomplish something that can reasonably be put off until another time…or maybe doesn’t need to be done at all. Ask God, and don’t be pressured by your own ideals or compare yourself to “the Joneses.”

    Yeah, I know that as homeschool moms we have lots on our plates. It’s hard to balance it all. We don’t want to drop any of the balls we’re juggling—they’re all important! So have a plan, and work a plan—but be willing to let “life” interrupt it. Let GOD interrupt it. And rest assured that what “needs” to get done, will get done. Be realistic in your expectations: what your house looks like (i.e., how clean it will be), your academic goals for your children (does it really matter if they don’t know every detail about the Punic Wars? I don’t know if that’s ever been relevant in my life!); and, especially, the fact that interruptions will happen.

    When “school” gets interrupted by “life,” remember your priorities. Put first things first. So when your child doesn’t get an assignment done during its allotted time, do you drop it and move on, or do you press through and finish—even if that means afternoon chores are sacrificed? Well, maybe on Monday it’s the former, and on Tuesday it’s the latter. Both are viable options. Ultimately, I think it’s helpful to just ask yourself, Why is God allowing this circumstance? Seek wisdom about how to manage every moment. If God has asked you to homeschool, He will equip you. Just remember to seek Him. Don’t get so caught up in the hustle-and-bustle that life (including schooling!) is just the sum of what you “do.” Abide in God’s presence and remember that it’s all about Him.

    “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NIV).

    Christmas in November

    valuesdr

    It’s been a busy week, in some ways. In other ways, it has been relaxing. Marc kind of unexpectedly decided to take a vacation this week, which was nice. I went out with “only” two of the little ones on Monday to do grocery shopping and then Christmas shopping for the girls (since I so rarely get out without all the kids in tow!). Then Marc went out on Tuesday to shop for the boys.

    We both had so much fun thinking about what would bless each of the children that we were anxious to give our gifts…so we called “Christmas in November” and opened presents on Wednesday! The children were thrilled and truly enjoyed their gifts. In fact, they still are…as I blog. And although they are normally very thankful, anyway, I was extra blessed this morning to wake up to two thank you notes (from the older boys) telling Mom and Dad “thank you for the blessing.”

    That got me thinking about Christmas in general, and why having an early Christmas was actually a really good thing, at least for us. I don’t care how well-behaved and well-mannered your children are–come holiday time, with all the gift-opening, travel, indulgence, and out-of-routine days, they probably don’t respond as you’d like them to. They might start off with a thankful spirit and a God-ward focus (as it should be when we are celebrating Christ’s birth) BUT it’s easy to get caught up in “other” things and lose that attitude of praise amidst the excitement of gift, after gift, after gift. (Particularly if, like us, you have divorces in the family and have to have, like, a half-dozen “Christmases.”) You can almost see their eyes begin to glaze over and pretty soon you’re prodding them to “tell so-and-so thank you for the present,” which you really wish you didn’t have to do…but it’s just “too much!” Or are we only parents to experience this?!

    So it was nice to do gift-giving early, to remind the children of how we really wanted to bless them with special things that they don’t normally recieve. To remind them that “every good and perfect gift is from above,” and that first and foremost, we should be thankful to God for all that He has given us. The opening of gifts was less pressured, less crazy, and more others-oriented. The children enjoyed watching each other open gifts, were patient about letting each other assemble and/or enjoy the gifts (even if they hadn’t yet gotten to open theirs), and truly had a spirit of Thanksgiving. Isn’t that what it’s all about? And does it matter “when” you do it?

    Our children are blessings to us from the Lord. It was nice to be able to bless them with some of “the desires of their hearts.”

    “‘Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!‘” (Matthew 7:9-11).

    The End of the Age…Beginning Today?

    valuesdr

    Normally my husband leads our family devotional time every morning and evening. Since he is away for a few days this week, I had to choose the Scriptures that I would read to the children this morning. I didn’t really have anything specific in mind, so I just said a quick prayer before we began, that God would direct me to something that would be relevant for us today…that we might know Him more or be better-equipped to worship Him, in Spirit and Truth.

    Well, I ended up opening at random to Matthew 24 (“Signs of the End of the Age”). Now, I’m not a Bible scholar–but I do own a Bible and I happen to read it. So please don’ t split hairs with my interpretation on this. I just want to share how this particular teaching of Jesus was relevant to us today. Take it or leave it.

    You may be familiar with this passage. We read quite uneventfully through the first part:

    1Jesus left the temple and was walking away when his disciples came up to him to call his attention to its buildings. 2″Do you see all these things?” he asked. “I tell you the truth, not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down.”

    3As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. “Tell us,” they said, “when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?”

    4Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. 5For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many. 6You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8All these are the beginning of birth pains.

    9″Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other,

    And this is the part that jumped out at me: “11and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.”

    As I read this, I couldn’t help but fear God–because I don’t want to be one of the people in the time of the end who turns away from the faith. More than that, as I read “he who stands firm to the end will be saved…” the inverse truth grabbed hold of me–that he who does NOT stand firm to the end will NOT be saved? Theologically speaking, I’m sure there would be various arguments as to the truth of this statement. But even if it’s only arguably true, we all as believers should truly fear the Lord and pray for the strength and grace to face persecutions that come because of the name of Jesus that we profess.

    And my next thought was, the time of the end begins TODAY! Even if I don’t see the end times (and I may!), what about my children? Will they be prepared to stand firm in their faith if they face all of these trials and evils and persecutions? Our preparation begins today–with us, as parents, instructing our children in the Word of God. With us, as parents, making the sacrifices that are necessary to truly disciple our children and encourage them in their walk with the Lord. And with all of us making the moment-by-moment decision to stand for Jesus.

    For me, to put aside my selfish desire for a few moments peace and instead, to sit down and read to my children. For my children: to have good attitudes about their schoolwork…to be diligent about their household chores…to share with their siblings even though they want things for themselves…to practice that “gentle answer that turns away wrath”…and so on. We will be prepared to stand in the time of the end if we can STAND today.

    If we can’t “stand” today, when we can freely worship Jesus, when we live in a time and a place of prosperity and blessing, when we can share our faith without fear…then can we be sure that we will be found faithful when it becomes immeasurably more difficult?

    We’ve really been impacted by reading, as a family, “Foxe’s Book of Martyrs.” (We got a revised and updated volume through Grace and Truth Books–they have a great selection there!) We’re excited every time we receive the free “Voice of the Martyrs” publication (and the “Kids of Courage” version). I’ve also visited the Kids of Courage Web site and shared some stories from there with the children. These things have helped us all to view each day, more and more, in light of eternity, and really have challenged us to see beyond the temporal–the “light and momentary troubles,” if you will (see 2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

    So of course all of these things came together in my mind as I read from Matthew chapter 24 this morning. I am challenged to make sure that I am ready to STAND for my savior–and that begins today, with each and every choice I make: self or service? Sin or sanctification?

    I also am more inspired than ever to make sure that my children are well-equipped in their faith. Daily devotional times–yes! Time for personal Bible reading–yes! But even more than those instructions, positive encouragement and discipleship in living the Word of God is so important. Every moment of every day, we can redeem the time and share relevant truths from God’s Word with our children. We can teach and train them in what it means to live for Christ and grow in Christ-like character. Making the most of these opportunities often (almost always, in fact!) involves some type of sacrifice…sacrifice of our own expectations, our desire for control, items on our “to-do” list left undone, all kinds of “good” activities set aside for something “better.” What is of value? What do you value? Are you–and are your children–prepared to STAND for Jesus, starting TODAY?

    The Early Bird Catches the Worm, but………

    valuesdr

    I’ve been getting up early lately to feed the baby, and typically I don’t go back to sleep. I’ve really been enjoying the large chunk of truly QUIET time before everyone else is awake. I read my Bible and pray, check my email, do some writing, set out my daily “to-do” list, and…enjoy a cup of coffee.

    This early morning time really helps me to focus my day by beginning with what’s most important (the Lord). It also helps me to be more diligent, because I’m making sure I have a plan for the day and I get a good head start on whatever work I have to do.

    Well, of course because we value diligence, it’s a character trait we try to model and encourage in our children in various ways. We emphasize diligence as the children go about their jobs and their schoolwork. We encourage them to be diligent in their faith (cf. Hebrews 6:10-12) through Bible study, prayer, and consistently living the Word of God to the best of their ability.

    When I got up this morning (early, of course), I found a note taped to the handrail of our staircase:

    And then, the part that made me laugh:

    And I did wake them up early…and they did go sit in their homemade tree stands for an hour. They did not get any birds, but they did learn a good lesson in diligence, and patience. Not to mention, they had a lot of fun!

    Why I love Homeschooling :)

    valuesdr

    Today was a great example of why I love homeschooling! Marc was scheduled to leave on a business trip late this afternoon, so I decided to scrap the usual morning routine of chores and school and really enjoy our last bit of time with “Daddy” for the week. We had an enjoyable morning–everyone piled into the trailer behind our new (for us) quad and we went for a ride…had a great breakfast of watermelon & toast made with Blueberry Crumble bread (yummy!)…went outside to visit the growing baby chicks and feed all the chickens…and, much later than usual, enjoyed our family devotions (a continuing reading & discussion of Proverbs). Then, since our toddler was falling asleep in her chair, we called an “early nap time” (it was 11:00) and we all went for a little rest. Then Dad got up and went out to the ravine for an adventure with the boys while the girls finished up their nap. We enjoyed a yummy “breakfast for lunch” of french toast and sausage (truly a treat!), read aloud from “The Adventures of Paddy the Beaver” by Thornton Burgess, and then Dad was off, with lots of “good-byes” and “I love you’s!”

    After such a blessed morning, I knew the boys wouldn’t want to get back to “school,” so when they did their afternoon jobs and asked to go outside on a scavenger hunt, I figured they might as well enjoy the gorgeous fall day. I thought trouble might be brewing when son #1 expressed his desire to go down to the ravine, but son #2 said to me, “No, we’re not going down to the ravine.” They left the house without reaching a concensus on their destination, in spite of my request that they agree on what they were doing before they got going.

    It was no surprise to have to call them back in within about 20 minutes…and to make a long story short, we had a really good conversation–an excellent “teachable moment” in which I was able to share with the boys an object lesson that had recently come to my attention from a friend. I’ll post it here, just FYI (thanks, Tony!):

    ______________________________________________

    Dart Test…

    A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith . She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons.

    One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.
    On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person’s picture.

    Sally’s friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.

    The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith , because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn’t have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.

    Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.

    Dr. Smith said only these words….” In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me .”Matthew 25:40.

    No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ.

    ____________________________________________

    After talking about the boys’ frustrations with one another, I was able to gently expose to each of them their sin of selfishness–each one wanted his own way, rather than considering the desires of his brother. This led to disagreement, anger, and upset as the fun of the afternoon adventure was spoiled. I shared the “dart” story with the boys and asked them, “If you were playing outside with Jesus, would you have…bossed him in order to try to push him to do things your way?…walked away from him and pretended not to hear him?”, etc. They both admitted that they would have done things differently if they had viewed their actions as having been done to Jesus himself rather than “just” their brother. I asked my oldest son, “Do you KNOW Jesus? Do you KNOW what He did for you?” And I had to admire his honest answer: “I say that I do, but I wasn’t behaving like I do.” I had to respond that we can all say the same thing, more often times than we would care to admit.

    I got to coach the boys through some heartfelt apologies and reconciliation, and then they agreed to go back outside to do “whatever my brother wants to do.” 🙂 They ended up spending a really enjoyable hour in the sand box making “adobe houses” of wet dirt and rocks. I wouldn’t have traded this lesson for a week of math workbooks or reading textbooks! And, we did manage to get some math done after the little ones went to bed, anyway–so the day wasn’t a total wash. 🙂 Homeschooling is awesome, children are a blessing, and God is real good.

    Cleanliness is Next to Godliness?

    valuesdr

    I don’t know the origin of the saying, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness,” but it’s certainly not in my Bible. The closest thing I have is the Titus 2 directive to women that they should be “busy at home,” and Timothy 5:14, which tells older women to teach the younger women to “manage their homes.” While I don’t imagine that we honor God when our homes are in a state of disarray or chaos, I do believe that we can allow the pendulum to swing the other way and concentrate too much on housekeeping and not enough on other things that matter.

    A minimal level of cleanliness is necessary for everyone’s health. Certainly we don’t want to let food stuffs pile up on the counters, allow our little ones to sleep on sheets that have been soiled, have such a dusty home that breathing is unhealthy, or have the carpets littered with debris that the little ones would be putting in their mouths. That much seems obvious.

    Beyond that, it’s important for us to keep clean homes so that we are always prepared to “practice hospitality.” That’s in my Bible, so I take it seriously! (See Romans 12:13, 1 Timothy 5:10, and 1 Peter 4:9, for example). I don’t relish the thought of someone unexpectedly coming to my home and having to make apologies for its condition. At the same time, I don’t think we need to be able to eat off the floors, either. This is our home, and we live here…2 adults and 6 children, all of us, all day, every day. It’s not going to be perfectly clean all the time, but we do try to keep it consistently neat.

    Another reason to focus on housekeeping is for the value of diligence that it imparts to the children, as they are trained to help with various chores and are encouraged to keep their messes cleaned up behind them. After all, our children are going to grow up to WORK every day, and while we do want them to enjoy their childhood and there is a time for play, they miss a lot if they don’t see the value of work. It also guides them in wisdom, to have them take care of their possessions by having “a place for everything, and everything in its place.”

    Last night my husband went out with four of the six children on an extended errand and I was looking forward to having some time to myself after putting the two youngest ones to bed. All I had to do was put away the few miscellaneous toys that had gotten left out, put some of my laundry away, and get some sleeping bags and pillows out in the tents for the crew when they came home (it was a “camp out” last night, once everyone got home!). Somehow, though, those few things took a lot longer than I thought…and even though I got the little ones to bed at 7:45, I was just finishing up and making myself a cup of tea at about 9:00 when the rest of the family came in the door! Why did it take so long, I wondered? Well, my oldest would have gotten our toddler ready for bed and changed her diaper; the boys would have gone out to put the chickens in for the night and collect the eggs (one of those “unexpected” chores I did along the way…). And I would have had several of the children help with hauling pillows, blankets and sleeping bags out to the tents instead of having to make multiple trips myself. Many hands make light work, and sometimes I do not realize just how much our children help me to accomplish!

    I think our children have a great attitude about work and about helping out in service to others–and that is only because we encourage them to help out around the house with all kinds of chores as they are able. (And, yes, they do have plenty of “free time” as well, just for the record!)

    Granted, this takes proactive training and patience. We also have to lower our standards a bit when we view the jobs our children do. What is considered “passable” work from a child is certainly not the level of cleaning that I would do. But together, we keep our home in fairly good order.

    Everyone has daily jobs, both first thing in the morning and in the late afternoon. We have a couple of general rules: Everyone works until everyone is done (so that if one child is done with his job first, he should go help a sibling with her job.) Also, (straight from 1 Thessalonians 3:10): “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” Thus, we don’t eat breakfast until after all our morning chores are done. If we have a dawdler (or even two) they get helped out by siblings for as long as they are being diligent, but if they are just playing around, they lose the privilege of having helpers and can come to the table and eat along with everyone else once they finish their designated chore. We’ve had a couple of the kids eat cold food a good hour after everyone else had left the table, but they miss the fellowship of the family and don’t prefer cold food, so that’s been a rare exception. Generally speaking, our chores get done within 30-45 minutes and then we’re on to more important things.

    Of course, in having a rotating schedule of chores the whole house never looks clean at once, but we do maintain a neat appearance. Granted, we have some consistent “piles” of books and papers here and there in our particular “hot spots.” And dusting has never been my favorite thing to do, so if anything suffers, that’s it. But these things I can live with. I was chuckling to myself this morning as I looked up, because I rarely look UP (except in the spiritual sense…). Here’s what you would see if you took a quick look UP in our kitchen:
    Looks nice, no? But here’s what you’d see if you REALLY “looked”:

    One thing that has not ceased to amaze me about living in a log home is the number of cobwebs we have in comparison to our old house. So when I look “up” and see this, I grab my duster and take a quick trip around the house, clearing out all of the trouble spots. But beyond that, I don’t worry too much about it. There are much more important things going on. We focus on housekeeping and home management for the values that it will impart to our children and in order to be able to practice hospitality in a way that honors God; but I don’t see any reason to over-invest in this area. If we did, we’d be missing out on valuable family times, teachable moments for discipling our children, opportunities for serving others in ministry, and so on. Home management is of value as a means of training our children in Godly character; but there are so many other things going on in our home that are of greater eternal significance!

    I’ve always been a person of order and schedules. I love the idea of “home management.” So stepping back a bit in my own expectations over the years has been, at times, almost painful. But now I’m at a place where I see the wisdom of this paradigm shift, and I’m thankful to the Lord for helping me to keep a balanced perspective in this area. I read a great article a while ago on Steve Nelson’s site, Premeditated Parenting, that I loved so much I now keep it posted on my refrigerator (thanks, Steve!). I’ll copy it here, but if you have a chance, make sure to visit Steve–he’s got some great stuff going on over there! 🙂

    With all that being said, I hope you’ll also take the time to visit our site (http://www.valuesdrivenfamily.com/) and get some of our free downloads, including a children’s chore chart, family scheduling templates, and so on. We discuss many of these topics (home management, children and chores, character and values training) in our book, “The Values-Driven Family.” If you’re interested in exploring how to put together all of these pieces of the family puzzle, visit our site for more information or to buy the book!

    Without further ado, here’s Steve’s excellent article:

    The Smell of Parenting

    Proverbs 14:4 Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox. ESV

    A novice farmer shows off his clean barn to his neighbor. The ground is spotless, and the manger, or feed trough, looks as clean as new. After shooting the breeze a while the experienced farmer invites his friend to come and see what a barn should look like. The young farmer is a little hurt because he can’t imagine a nicer setup than he has.

    They walk over to the neighbor’s farm, all the while discussing the incredible amount of work each of the older farmer’s four oxen can perform. At the barn, hay is strewn everywhere, and the feed trough is covered with dried ox slobber.

    “What is that horrible stench?” asks the young man.

    “That, my friend, is the smell of money.”

    The goal of a farmer is not to have the nicest barn, cleanest trough, or freshest fragrances. His goal is to grow crops and raise animals. To focus on his goal, he lets a few things slide along the way. From sunup to sundown he works hard. He is not lazy or negligent, but he simply has no time to clean troughs and rake out barns. Instead of scooping up every piece of manure, he simply wears rubber boots.

    A wise parent will take a similar approach. If every meal must be a culinary delight, every toy in its perfect spot, every shelf dusted, and every floor vacuumed, there will be no time left for parenting. With children comes a certain level of messiness. This is to be managed, but also expected. The goal is to raise the children, not eliminate the messiness. As the farmer embraces the mess of the ox the parent should embrace the clutter of childhood. Far more critical things are happening in our homes than keeping our houses spotless. Much good is being produced in a Christian home.