This is Deborah, and she has a problem with self-control.
I’m not sharing any secrets here. Even though she’s only three, she has actually confessed to me, “I don’t have any self-control!”
You can see from this picture (taken at Christmas) that she loves to eat. Candy and sweets, especially–but any food-related item is fair game. She’s even been caught eating scented lip balm. (If it smells like strawberry, maybe it tastes like it, too!)
This week has been a little difficult for little Deborah. She’s experienced more discipline than normal, it seems like. All because she struggles with self-control. This seemingly little thing has translated into bigger problems–namely, in the area of faithfulness. For our children as small as Deborah, we define faithfulness as “obeying Mommy and Daddy even when we’re not there.” Why is faithfulness important? Most obviously because, as Christians, we need to obey our unseen Heavenly Father rather than giving in to our own thoughts or fleshly desires. It’s more than helpful to encourage this character trait in our little ones, so that as they mature they will be better-equipped in their spiritual journey.
So what began as a problem with self-control snowballed into issues with faithfulness. She started sneaking into the candy drawer. Then lying about it–only to have us peer into her mouth, see little pieces of sugar on her back teeth and smell the telltale jelly bean odor. She’d eat toothpaste out of the tube, get caught, and insist that she was “just spreading it around with her finger.” Again, the breath-test proved her guilt.
We thought about moving the candy to an inaccessible location. Making sure even the toothpaste was under lock-and-key. But, honestly, those solutions would be like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound. They would eliminate the behaviors, but they wouldn’t change anything about Deborah’s level of self-control, or her faithfulness. So we persevered in disciplining her consistently every time she got into trouble. We made sure to talk with her, off and on, about the value of self-control and the importance of doing the right thing–even when no one was watching. These discussions weren’t part of a disciplinary “lecture,” but rather little comments made during everyday life.
What was most heart-breaking for me was seeing Deborah struggle against her flesh. She knew she needed to do better. She wanted to do better. She prayed to do better. But when presented with the opportunity to sneak something sweet, she caved. As the days wore on, the struggles became obvious. While she normally is full of singing–she loves praise songs!–these were notably absent. Her usually smiling face was a little more somber. Oh, how I prayed for her! I wanted to make it easier for her. But at the same time, there is value in persevering through discipline. I wanted her to learn to master her flesh and grow in faithfulness more than I wanted to make her life easier for the moment.
Thankfully, after a few hard days at the beginning of the week, there seemed to be a breakthrough. Deborah ended the week without any incidents of sneaking treats. She started to smile more. And I heard her sweet singing while she went about her chores and her play.
Of course, this is our Heavenly Father’s attitude about us, isn’t it? He loves us, and it breaks His heart to see us struggle. But, He values our spiritual maturity more than our temporary comfort. He could take away all the things that tempt us, but then, we wouldn’t ever progress in our faith walk.
One consistent area of weakness, for me, is my emotions. When I am pregnant, nursing, weaning a baby, or sometimes just plain tired, that subtle feeling of discouragement often snowballs into depression. How many times have I prayed that God would remove this stumbling block for me?
And of course, I’ve had particular difficulties in this area this week. Deborah and I have been struggling together, each trying to strengthen and master a different area of weakness. The parallel isn’t lost on me. God is teaching me as I try to teach her. And honestly, the humility of going through struggles myself has helped me to deal gently with Deborah. We’re both in the same boat.
For as many times as I’ve asked God to take away the feelings of discouragement and depression that sneak up on me, He keeps reminding me , “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, like the Apostle Paul, “I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” God could remove my weakness–but, if I have the right mind about it, I will embrace it instead. Why? Because that “thorn in my flesh” reminds me to focus on God, not myself. It reminds me to pray all the time. It reminds me to “take every thought captive” and praise God, even when I don’t feel like it. These things are hard to do, and sometimes it takes me a couple of days to get back up when I’ve fallen down–but when I do get back up, hopefully I am strengthened somehow.
And ultimately, I rejoice in my weakness because it helps me to deal with my little ones, like Deborah, with some compassion. It reminds me that we’re all growing in the Lord together–and they need grace from me, just as I pray for grace from the Lord. We all have different weaknesses, but we need to support and encourage one another, and help each other grow. Sometimes that means doing hard things–you know, that “tough love.” But let’s not forget that God works all things for good–even discipline:
“And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
‘My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.’
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.” (Hebrews 12:5-10)