Author: valuesdr

Problems with Children

valuesdr

Quite unexpectedly, one of the frustrations we’ve encountered here in Africa is…the children.

This is a very small group. The number of children gawking at the fence has gotten into the teens, if not twenties.

They line up, sometimes in great numbers,  along our fence at all hours of the day, hoping to get a glimpse of us–or better yet, be invited in to play. However, it can be hard to discern which ones have pure motives and which are…not so good–because there is definitely a distinction. While many of the children try to communicate with ours, there is another portion who simply laugh and mimic whenever our children try to speak to them in Swahili. Even though it’s Kenyan custom to ask to enter someone’s home (they  will ask, “Hodi?”–may I come in?–even when they are specifically welcomed), some of the children frequently ignore this gesture of respect. While we are schooling in the morning, the Kenyan children who are too young for school or too poor to attend will often make games of sneaking inside our gate and running to our open veranda or through the yard, only to dash off again when I step outside to ask them for privacy while we’re doing our work. When the children go to gather water, some of the local kids will help, while others pull hair, pinch skin, and generally make nuisances of themselves. Some nights when the sun goes down, we’ll still hear a lineup of children at the fence hooting and hollering–just to annoy. All in all, the negative behaviors haven’t been anything “over the top,” but still something we’ve had to address.

Our children love to play with the neighborhood children, but it has sometimes been a challenge to deal with the “bad” along with the good and maintain some boundaries for the health of our family. Helping our children to deal with this issue in a way that honors Christ and leaves them feeling secure has been an occasional test of my parenting skills and a matter of much prayer.

This past week, we had a couple of successes that leave us hopeful that we can have a positive impact in our relationships with the local children, while at the same time maintaining those necessary boundaries.

One day, after the children had been complaining about harassment on their way to the spring for several days in a row (with my advice being just to ignore it, since it seemed annoying but not hurtful), I figured something had to change. We talked about what the Bible might have to say about the subject and Jesus’ command to, “Love your enemies” came up, as well as the Scripture “return evil with good.” So, when the kids went out for their afternoon free time, they invited the neighborhood children into the yard and everyone had a small candy as a treat. Then, when it was time to gather water, I reminded the children about how it was written in Thessalonians that Christians should be taught to “work with their hands,” and about some of the Biblical admonitions not to be idle. So, my advice was that if any of the children had nothing better to do than poke and prod them and be bothersome, they should give the child their water jug and cheerfully insist, “Saidia, tafadali.” (“Help me, please!). Happily, this seems to be a successful strategy so far.

This past weekend, we had a yard full of kids for the morning on Saturday, playing ball and digging in the dirt. There was another whole bunch of kids at the fence as usual but we had an unlikely ally helping to separate the wheat from the chaff–our neighbor across the way (who doesn’t speak a lick of English but who seems very nice and has spoken with Marc through another neighbor who translated). He made sure to keep the gate shut against those kids that he seemed to recognize as “troublemakers” and chased them off with a barrage of Bukusu (the local dialect). We chuckled when he even brandished a switch at one point, though I don’t think he used it. As a result, the morning was relatively quiet and very enjoyable for all of the children involved. Come lunch time, I sent out a bunch of food and we enjoyed a picnic under a shade tree. I insisted to our kids that we should not let in anyone who had not already been here playing–I wasn’t about to feed the whole neighborhood! So anyone who came to the gate while we ate was politely told, “Hapana!” (Quite simply, “No!”) I am hopeful that this showed the kids who were just there for the sake of curiosity (or trouble) that there are benefits to being respectful of rules and boundaries.

We’re still navigating the waters of helping the children to develop and nurture healthy relationships in the community, and I’m thankful for recent progress on this front. Would love for you to share any thoughts you might have about how to deal with this type of situation in a positive manner.

Children’s Q&A

valuesdr

This weekend, the kids and I spent some time talking about how they felt about the transition to Africa and how they felt things were going. As as starting point, I wrote down a few open-ended questions and encouraged them to respond. Here’s what they said:

We like: ugali, fresh fruit, lizards, the weather, having lots of kids to play with.

We don’t like: spiders, ants

We miss: pizza and ice cream (figures their answers were all about food!)

Biggest difference between Africa and America: weather, people

We wish: people spoke English

Things that are easy: “Not much is easy”

Things that are hard: getting water

We like to eat: ugali, sweet and sour beans, beef, roasted corn

We don’t like to eat: greens, plain avocadoes

Additional comments?: “It’s nicer than America!”

I’m sure I would have answered a lot of these questions differently, but I can’t say the answers surprised me. I was surprised to have the majority of the children all answer virtually at the same time that they wished people spoke English. It is certainily difficult to communicate with a limited understanding of Swahili, although we are grateful to know several folks who speak at least *some* English. We’re learning Swahili, but probably not fast enough for any of us!

 

Clean is Relative

valuesdr

The Martha in me cringes many times each day over home management. Because if I’ve learned anything in the past three weeks, it’s that clean is relative in Kenya.

It all started with waking up the day after we arrived and sitting on the couch, staring at the painted concrete floors. With all the work that had been done to the house and people going in and out, boy, they could use a cleaning. But I had no broom or mop. Patrick’s wife, Lois, graciously offered her services in cleaning the floors with me, and I jumped at the opportunity to get things spiffed up. I had my doubts, though, when she arrived without even a broom in hand.

She filled one big wash basin with soapy water and another with clean water. After realizing that I didn’t have a proper “cleaning rag,” she went home to fetch hers–which turned out to be an old, re-purposed sweater. With amazing dexterity and speed, she sopped the cleaning rag in soap, and (on hands and knees), mopped over the whole surface of one of the bedroom floors. Once the surface was done, she cleaned the rag in the rinse water and then went over the floor again with plain water, squeezing out the rag as needed during the process. In no time, both the soapy water and the rinsing water were filled with dirt and debris. But she kept going…room after room.

When we were done, there was indeed a great improvement in the looks of the floor. But I don’t think the Martha in me could call it “clean.”

This is my mopping towel. It rarely gets "clean," but it's good for sopping up water and debris.

I soon got a broom and mop, and realized that using mops on floors that were subject to so much dust and dirt was an exercise in futility. So I adopted the Kenyan method of just sloshing on a bunch of soap and water to make the floors…cleaner than they were before. (At least now I get to sweep first!) Marc bought a squeegee, which works wonderfully well to guide the water into a corner, where I soak up the excess in a dedicated “cleaning towel” and throw away the solid debris. Clean is relative.

These pants have been cleaned, but those stubborn stains where the pants drag in the dirt are just...impossible.

Same with laundry. The kids (and Marc) pick up so much dust and dirt that even with my best scrubbing, there are still some stubborn spots remaining after the clothes are washed. The wash water is brown halfway through the daily load, but I finish the remaining clothes in it. And they end up…cleaner than they were before. The sun-drying on the clothes line bleaches out an amazing number of stains, praise God! With the number of man-hours it takes to do laundry each day, we’re playing a new game; it’s called, “How many days can you wear the same shirt?”

Likewise, doing dishes with cold water (and no running water) has also been an exercise in surrender. I use less soap than I normally would to minimize rinsing (since getting water is such a chore). And all the dishes get rinsed in the same sink full of clean water, rather than under a  running stream. So, like everything else, they end up…cleaner than they were before.

And then there’s bathing; several children share bath water and I try to wash at least three children’s hair in one sink full of hot water. Yeah, halfway through the process, the water is light brown in color. But they end up…cleaner than they were before.

The Martha in me protests, but I’m getting used to it. One of these days, I hope to vlog about cleaning the floors. I think you’d enjoy it. 🙂

 

 

Thoughts on What We’ve Been Eating

valuesdr

With the difficulty of getting water each day, I’ve been trying to economize on our water use, both in cooking and dish-washing. So typical breakfasts and lunches are low-maintenance, while dinners tend to be more extensive. If we can, we eat our meals on cloth napkins rather than plates, and usually, though Marc and I prefer our own plates, the children eat out of a communal pot or bowl (this is actually customary in Kenya). In order to economize, and secondarily for health reasons, we’ve continued to reduce our intake of meat as well and now have it only once or twice a week. Here, in no particular order, are some random meals we’ve recently enjoyed:

Breakfast

Stir-fried bananas, sweet potatoes and peanuts with a side of fresh fruit (something Jane gave us which I can’t remember the name of, but couldn’t find in the Swahili/English dictionary and have never seen before)

Pineapple breakfast cake

Cream of Wheat

Bread and butter with a side of mango

Whole wheat pancakes (no syrup, with a sprinkling of raw sugar–love being able to get cheap, raw sugar here!)

Lunch

For lunch, we use up any dinner leftovers from the previous night. Beans or greens get mixed into a big batch of rice, or we eat plain rice with some garlic and salt. A couple of days, lunch was popcorn, nuts and fruit. (I found it surprising that Kenyans consider popcorn a main course! Not that any of us are really complaining about adopting the practice…) Another day we added coleslaw as a side to our rice, which was a nice change from the usual.

Supper

Chili and cornbread

Tilapia with mashed potatoes and spinach

Tortillas with refried beans, salsa, and guacamole and a salad of mixed greens with homemade dressing, accompanied by wheat bread with butter

Beef stew with cabbage and carrots, a side of fried potatoes, and ugali

Sweet and Sour Beans with cornbread and a side of boiled greens

Dessert

We only have dessert a couple of nights a week, and for our first couple of weeks we had cookies, which had been given to us as a treat when we first arrived. The other day, I made made a modified “Shoofly pie.” It calls for molasses but that is not to be found here, so I substituted thick sugar-water and it turned out to be a pretty good “sugar pie.”

Miscellaneous Thoughts…

One of our neighbors recently gave us a large bag of avocados, which will likely all be ready to eat in a couple of weeks (and all at the same time). So I’ll be looking for recipes with few ingredients that include avocado (besides guacamole, of course!)

Even though we *think* we’re eating relatively simply, we’re still pretty American in our cooking. Kenyans eat for function. They typically cook over a single (wood-fired) burner, so their options are, by default, a little more limited than ours. (I have to admit, though, that I love having an oven!) For the average Kenyan, most things are boiled in a single pot and eaten with very little (if any) seasoning. Plain roasted squash, plain mashed sweet potatoes with corn, bean and corn mix. We, however, still like “taste,” and prefer deep fried and salted. We even make our greens “fancy” by cooking them with onion, garlic, salt, and lemon juice. So, in the overall scheme of things, we still have a ways to go if, while in Kenya, we’re going to do as the Kenyans do.

What’s been on your menu lately? Have any ideas for simple meals that we might try?

 

 

Slowing Down

valuesdr

One thing we’ve realized is that things move much slower in Africa. Without many of the conveniences that we’ve been used to, daily tasks are much more time-consuming. Even a “quick trip” into town never turns out to be “quick.” Internet is painfully slow at times. There is no convenience food–the closest thing to fast food is fruit and popcorn for a meal (which may not be a bad thing!).

We’ve always known that life in America is lived at a faster pace–both internally and externally. We have often felt pressured to work faster and do better, and by default it’s sometimes been hard to maintain spiritual growth and capture God’s peace. When the world whirls around you at a breakneck pace, it can be difficult to take a step back and focus on the One who is at the center of it all. However, here in Africa, it seems that everyone is in one accord with the slower pace. It’s not uncommon to see families congregating under a shade tree in the middle of a hot afternoon. When someone stops by for tea, they typically stay a while. If your neighbor sees you out sweeping your veranda, it’s a good opportunity for them to come over and chat for a few minutes. In the evening, after the house starts to darken, families often wander outside where it is still light and you can hear conversation, laughter, and games.

While this slower pace has been occasionally frustrating to our American flesh, there are benefits. We’re here to share the Gospel of the Kingdom and engage in discipleship–and those relationships only flourish where time can be invested. It’s also been a blessing to our family, as the children have each individually gone on town trips with their Dad and enjoyed the extended one-on-one time. The girls and I are work together on laundry and food preparation and are trying to take the opportunity to really enjoy the moments we spend together serving one another and talking as we work.

Even if things around you move quickly, try to slow down and find the quiet presence of God in your everyday moments. Seize hold of what He wants to accomplish in His time, and don’t be distracted by all the “doings.”

 

Lights Out

valuesdr

Every day, the sun comes up at almost exactly 6:30 AM and goes down at almost exactly 6:30 PM. And when you don’t have electricity, that’s pretty early for lights out. We have some limited solar capability, so we can run an indoor light on occasion, and of course we have lanterns–but of course, there’ s a limit to what can be done by lantern light.

Earlier this school year, the children and I were studying about the Amish, and I found it interesting that one of the reasons they felt it was a benefit to be without electricity was because it was conducive to family unity; when the sun went down and the only lantern in the house was hung up in the common room, by default everyone gravitated there. And you know what? It’s true! When we light the lantern at about 6:20, the sitting room is the only place to be. We have our Bible and prayer time together as a family, and then we just…talk. Marc and I have reminisced about our childhoods some, and it’s amazing how much the children enjoy the stories of our memories. We share about our day, our hopes, our God, and whatever is on our minds. It has been a real blessing to enjoy long evenings together without the distractions of continued work, computers, and the individual pursuits that we typically engaged in when there were lights in every room in the house at the flip of a switch.

I challenge you to be more consistent about “powering down” and see how it can benefit your family relationships!

 

 

Baby Enjoying Sugar Cane :)

valuesdr

We’ve been eating a lot healthier since arriving in Kenya; by default, no processed foods and very few sweets as well. One of the few “treats” that the children have enjoyed is chewing on a fresh stalk of sugar cane. Oddly enough, we’ve learned that some of the locals think that chewing sugar cane cleans their teeth.

One day when Enoch was cutting a new tooth and was VERY fussy, the children were having sugarcane for snack and, in desperation, I told them to let Enoch chew on some as well. Result? One very happy baby! (Note in this photo how very dirty a newly crawling baby gets on dusty, and often wet, concrete floors!)

To Market, to Market…

valuesdr

One thing we’re getting used to is going to market every few days instead of doing big, infrequent shopping trips (we’ve been pretty used to shopping in bulk!). Marc has been running errands to get things set up at the house, taking care of miscellaneous business in town, and meeting with folks here and there, so whenever he goes out, I give him a small list. We’ve quickly realized that it is highly impractical for me to go to market with all eight of the children, given the long distance on little legs. As well, market is pretty busy and I think it would be a challenge to keep track of everyone and do the business at hand. So, if Marc is not available to get what is needed, “Auntie Jane” has stepped up to help out. She is  one of our neighbors and she has been more than helpful in showing us around, helping to fetch water, and…going to market for me.

Here’s today’s list:

caroti–carrots (1/2 kg)

mchicha–spinach

pilipili–peppers (6)

siagi–butter (1/2 kg)

mayai–eggs (18)

siki–vinegar

nanasi–pineapple (2)

chungwa–oranges (6)

nyama na ng’ombe–beef (1 kg)

maziwa–milk (1 l)

molasses

I’m not sure about the availability of vinegar and molasses (molasses wasn’t listed in the Swahili/English dictionary–not a good sign); I will ask Jane when I see her. With everything that I have on-hand, I’m hoping this will be enough for at least 5 days (more if we’re lucky).

Measuring everything in metric units is something new for me, as is dollar-to-shilling conversions. It seems EXTRAVAGANT to spend upwards of $1,000 shillings with each trip to the market–but that’s only about $12. With transportation costs and a small amount to compensate Jane, we spend less than $20. I’m hoping that two market trips per week will be sufficient for our needs, and I’m sure we’ll do an occasional “town trip” for bulk items like flour, cornmeal, rice, and so on–so I’m hopeful that $200 or less will make up our monthly grocery budget here. At this point (having been here just over two weeks), it’s hard to tell if that is realistic–but I’m hopeful.

We should be planting soon, which will bring in our own fresh produce and reduce our costs even further!

 

 

 

Differences between America and Africa, in pictures

valuesdr

I enjoyed spending some of our first few days in Africa talking with our neighbor, Patrick, and his wife, Lois. During one conversation, Marc and I were sharing with Patrick about the wonders of dishwashers (yes, just put the dishes in, press a few buttons, and they’re clean!) and clothes washers. He was amazed that such things were possible. Indeed, the many differences between America and Africa are striking. I was amused to see a pictoral representation of this in a grade-school workbook that we are currently using in our Swahili studies:

 

 

Although here in Africa our family has a home and some amenities that are not typical of the native Kenyan, at the same time we are striving to integrate into the community such that we are not obviously “set apart.”

Though one might be tempted to feel sorry for these folks, that they can’t enjoy so many of the conveniences that we have as Americans, I actually think that a simple life of non-accumulation is to be envied. After all, Jesus said that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Likewise, I believe that worldly attractions often blind us to the blessing of Kingdom simplicity. Unfortunately, from what I perceive of Africans thus far, they instead covet the American life and strive to imitate it in as many ways as possible.

Lord, give us eyes to see and hearts to receive the Gospel of Your Kingdom. Let us enter by the narrow way and help us to willingly set aside all those things which hinder us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Carrying Water…and Complaining

valuesdr

We are blessed to have a very healthy spring within about a 1/2 mile, but…the water doesn’t bring itself to our house! One of our most important (and time-consuming, and difficult) tasks here is water-gathering. We see Kenyan girls, from the youngest age, carrying water in small jugs on their small heads, so that by the time they are adults they can carry 5-gallon buckets (or larger) with NO cover WITHOUT SPILLING  A DROP. It is truly amazing. However, we have not been trained that way, so we depend on arm, leg, and back muscles for lugging containers–and we’ve not been well-trained even for that.

Unfortunately, because the task is one that we are not used to, and we must do it multiple times per day in order to do laundry, wash dishes, bathe, and cook food (not to mention drink!), it often involves complaining on the part of the children. They generally start off with the best of attitudes and intentions, but somewhere between the first and second trip of the morning (or maybe during the afternoon run), they begin to whine, bicker with one another over who carries what, and feel sorry for themselves over the trial that they are suffering.

We’re working on it. It is a character-training opportunity at its best. I’m reminding the children that we should “consider it all joy when [we] face trials of various kinds.” That God works all things for good, and that through adversity we are conformed to the image of Christ. Also, I’m trying to remind them (in an encouraging rather than condemning manner) that we are “supposed to” be a light and a witness to this community, showing the character of Christ so that people will see the Gospel of the Kingdom in action. It’s difficult, because when we go to gather water, it’s typically with an entourage–often as many as 20 children and usually an adult (one who has been more than helpful in fetching water for us, praise God!). They see when we do the task in a manner that glorifies God…and when we don’t.

I was very disappointed yesterday to send four of the children to the spring, with two of them tasked with trading off a large container of water between them, only to have one of them have a bit of a temper tantrum and (according to the siblings’ reports) “scream and cry and throw the jug on the ground” when said child felt that his/her sibling was not taking an appropriate turn. I find that it is sometimes difficult, as a parent, to balance challenging children in their growth and character, with potentially frustrating them with unrealistic expectations. It is necessary to discern what is a character deficiency, and what is simply a knee-jerk negative reaction to an excessive demand. There is a need for wisdom, as well as grace, to navigate these situations and redeem them for the glory of God. I pray that we are doing this successfully.

Please share your thoughts on how you have successfully (or unsuccessfully!) balanced these aspects of child training and made the most of every character-training opportunity.