Author: valuesdr

Triple Snood

valuesdr

I’ve got a few goals for our summer, once we’re officially done with school and have returned from our last two June conventions. I want to update the photo album (the last ones that got printed, labeled, and entered into the album were from June 2007. Yes, 2007.) Also, I would like to learn to sew. I know some basic hand stitching but haven’t used a machine since making an apron in Home Ec class in 8th grade. I’ve recently done a few small, hand-sewn projects. Here’s a set of matching snoods I made for the girls with some fabric I had laying around:


Can’t wait to get the machine out and try skirts! 🙂 If you have a link to any EASY project ideas, feel free to share!

A Camel Through the Eye of a Needle

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One night about a week ago, Marc and the older boys were out for men’s Bible study, so I was sat down for evening devotions with the younger children. I had just been practicing sewing with the girls, so I thought it would be a good time to read and discuss the story of Jesus and the rich young man in Matthew 19:16-30:

16Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”
17“Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments.”
18“Which ones?” the man inquired.
Jesus replied, ” ‘Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, 19honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.'”
20“All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”
21Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
22When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
23Then Jesus said to his disciples, “I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”
25When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?”
26Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
27Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?”
28Jesus said to them, “I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. 30But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

We focused on Jesus’ statement, ” it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God,” because we had just been sewing and I thought it was a good object lesson. I asked, “How easy was it for you to put a small piece of thread through the eye of the needle?” (Not easy–they still needed some help from me!) So I asked, “How easy do you think it would be for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle?” (They simply laughed at this idea.)

Going deeper, I asked, “What do you think it means to be rich?” And my five year-old very quickly replied, “It means to have a lot of stuff!” After another few seconds of thought, she waved her arms emphatically to show all that was in the living room and said, “You know…like US!”

Now, I don’t consider us rich. At all. We are nine people in a 1400 square foot house, and we intentionally sold many of our possessions last year when we moved into this home, pretty much in obedience to Jesus’ teachings here. I know we still have a ways to go…and, I know that we are filthy rich compared to people in other parts of the world. So it was a little convicting for my five year-old to say that she still considers us rich. As we continued to talk about Jesus’ words, we were challenged by the thought that our accumulating material possessions could keep us from entering the Kingdom of heaven.

It’s easy to justify accumulation and materialism by saying, “It’s not what we possess, it’s our heart that counts.” Or, “it’s OK to have things, as long as you’re not attached to them.” But what happens if we take Jesus’ words at face value?

“Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.” (Matthew 24:35)

The Strong-Willed Child

valuesdr

I’ve posted before about my strong-willed daughter (here and here…and here, too); our oldest son has a bit of a strong will as well, although any “issues” we have with him as a result of his personality are few and far between these days.

In a recent email communication, one mom commented, “what is your advice for that “strong willed” child. I know you had mentioned that you have one and I do too and have had a hard time dealing with it!! …any advice would be so helpful and greatly appreciated!!!” I decided to sit down and address that one at some length, then figured I might as well post it to the blog. I hope you will add any of your ideas that might be helpful to other moms and dads with strong-willed children.

Easy things you might already be doing:

  1. Offer choices when possible. Don’t make everything a matter of the child’s choice, but when possible, give some freedom: what to have for lunch, which game to play, whether to do dishes or laundry for his or her daily chore, or whether to start the homeschool day with Math or Language Arts. These choices, when offered within reason, allow the child to make choices over non-essential things so that when you (the parent) need to ask something that does not involve choice, there is more willingness to comply because of the give-and-take.

    However, do not let this strong-willed child question your authority when decisions need to be made. If I have a habit of letting the child “choose” certain things but see that he/she is being rebellious, I will often remove the freedom to choose. Children should be aware that they exercise freedom within boundaries, and that their privilege in this area is just that–a privilege. They should understand that rules are for their benefit, and that they are blessed when they show respect to their parents.

  2. Establish solid routines: I believe that all children, and those strong-willed ones in particular, thrive on routine. Not necessarily a firm schedule, but a good routine. Children benefit from understanding expectations and knowing when their times of work (and the reward of play) will be. A good routine will include short periods of work (30 minutes or so), followed by about 10 minutes of “rest”/down-time if possible. This may include reading a book, playing an active game, making a quick phone call, or sitting down with a cup of water or juice (which in our house is always watered down!) 🙂

    If you have younger children, don’t let their will dictate whether or not they will take an afternoon nap. Little kids need naps–or at the very least, an enforced “rest period.” They don’t know that they need it, but they do. My strong-willed 5 year-old still naps every other day, but she would rarely choose to do that. However, after going “no nap” at age 5, I saw that she really needed the alternate-day rest period and implementing this scheduled nap has made days much less dramatic for everyone.

    Make sure your routine includes breaks for snacks or hydration as well. Don’t over-do the snacks, and make sure they’re healthy–but hydration in particular can make a great difference in mood.

  3. 5-minute warning: Every child (but, again, those strong-willed ones in particular) appreciates having a 5-minute warning when an activity is coming to an end–especially if they are having fun. But let your “five minutes” be pretty close to an actual 5 minutes, or they’ll learn not to take you seriously.

The “more important” things:

Doing the “practical” things above will likely help keep the battle of wills from becoming an issue quite so often. However, I’ve found that focusing in the externals (the “doings”) very often misses the heart. It’s kind of like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound. Instead, there are some deeper and more intensive things that will get to the heart of the issue of will–these are the “spiritual” steps that will have a more lasting impact.

  1. Pray. Perhaps obvious, but don’t neglect to do it. Pray for your own (parents’) wisdom in every situation. Pray not just for your child to be submissive or obedient, but for all of you to learn to have an eternal perspective about daily events and grow in your relationship with the Lord so that love, unity, and His glory would be everyone’s ultimate objective in every situation.

    Pray with and for your children. Ask them how you can pray for them, and pray aloud with them.

  2. Focus on the eternal and the important. It’s easy to make mountains out of molehills and succumb to the “tyranny of the urgent.” When you’re involved in a battle of wills, the temptation is to think that you must “win” the battle–but if your focus is not where it should be, you may lose the war. It’s not worth it! Think first, about what God’s desire is for each and every incident, and how you can glorify Him. Think about how you can grow through trials, and how you can encourage your child to do the same. Pick your battles.

  3. Build relationships. Don’t let your child’s strong will determine how you will view him or her. Resist the impulse to label him (even in your mind) as “the trouble maker,” “the difficult one” or something. See him as a unique individual with God-given gifts, and loved by God. Find the good. Spend time building your relationship with this child in a positive way so that when you do have to provide correction, it will be more than balanced by loving and joyful interactions. Find out your child’s “love language” and focus on those areas, but always look for little ways that you can express caring.

    Don’t engage in relationship-building activities contingent upon your child’s “performance.” They need your time and attention, regardless of their behavior. In fact, their behavior might be improved if you make it a point to regularly invest in them.

    Decide to give grace sometimes, and “reward” a child with special time or a special treat because you love them, not because they deserve it. I don’t even mind pointing out to my children that these “little blessings” I occasionally bestow on them aren’t merited…but just because I love them.

  4. Encourage. It’s easy to pounce on the bad attitudes, the disobedience, the forgetfulness, and all the other wrong behaviors. But don’t forget to liberally encourage. And by that I don’t mean the “puffed-up,” artificial self-esteem type of stuff. Encourage them about what they are doing that shows progress, pleases the Lord, or blesses others. There’s almost always something good about every situation, if you can find it.

  5. Disciple, with grace. Model good attitudes, patient endurance, and cheerful service for your children. Then you will earn the right to disciple them in these areas when they struggle.

    Proactively teach God’s Word and help everyone in the family to apply it to real-life situations, especially in relation to attitude (but also, by extension, anger and other emotional outbursts). Through this consistent exercise, you can create a more consistently joyful home atmosphere. Your strong-willed child, in particular, needs this foundation! If you have read and discussed applicable verses during family time, it becomes simply a reminder to the children when attitudes or anger flare, to share one of the verses in an encouraging manner and say something like, “This is what we talked about the other day (or last week, or whenever)…this is one situation where you can choose to obey God’s Word.”

    The approach of meditating on God’s Word and using it during life’s “teachable moments” is not an instant-fix, but it gets to the heart and will prove more effective than other “band-aids” in the long run. The consistent teaching and application of the Scriptures has been the one thing that I would say has affected the most change in the atmosphere of our home and in dealing with our strong-willed children. So I encourage you to turn to God’s Word to correct bad attitudes and other outbursts in your home; pray with and for your children as you minister the encouragement of the Word and trust God that His Word will not return void!

Feel free to comment about anything that has worked in your home; this post is by no means exhaustive. 🙂

It’s not what THEY do, it’s what YOU do about it that counts

valuesdr

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:

It’s not what they do, it’s what you do about it that counts.

We went to the St. Louis convention this past weekend and it was by far the best digs we’ve had yet for parking the travel trailer and working the convention with all 7 children in tow. My only complaint would be the small size of the booth. Under normal circumstances it would be fine but when I was crammed in there with all the children while Marc was doing his Project Management seminar…it was a l-o-n-g hour. Praise God for Curt and Morgan and their family at the Miller Pads and Paper booth across the way…they blessed us with a HUGE box of F-R-E-E stuff and the children had an absolute blast doing scratch art, coloring color-by-numbers, and making paper airplanes.

Anyway, to the point…

While the little ones napped in the trailer on Saturday afternoon, I asked Marc if he minded if the four older children sat in the booth with him so I could take advantage of the quiet and nap myself. (Jubilee wasn’t very cooperative about her sleeping arrangements in the trailer and I was up a lot for the first two nights.) He said that was fine so I dropped the big kids off after lunch and settled in for a quick nap before returning to man the booth during Marc’s afternoon session.

I was concerned about our middle daughter. At age 5, she still naps every other day and tends to be very contrary when she doesn’t get her odd-day rest periods. As it is, she can be strong-willed, so I hoped that she would be cooperative in the booth. One of the things we enjoy about the conventions is the opportunities for networking, conversation, and ministry…and I didn’t want the children to be disruptive if people came with questions or comments.

Of course, Marc had opportunity for some awesome, Spirit-led discussions. And also, inevitably, a couple of children took advantage of the opportunity to be a bit more boisterous than they otherwise might have been. We are very proactive about our child training practices and I would love it if my children were always well-mannered, demure, and obedient. Unfortunately, in spite of our best efforts, they are not. But, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…

It’s not what they do, it’s what you do about it that counts.

So on my agenda for this week (along with cleaning up the trailer, cleaning up the fall-out from our departure and re-arrival at home, and catching up on laundry) is addressing this issue of distraction and disobedience with the children. I want to remind them that we’re all serving Jesus together, and that their part in serving the Lord is sometimes just learning to be content to sit in a small booth for an hour or so, and behaving in a faithful manner while Mom or Dad is engaged in a meaningful conversation. I don’t want them to think that we want them to behave to make us look good. I want them to understand that they have a part to play in cooperating with God’s purposes–and they get to choose whether or not they will be involved in that plan. Our aim is to glorify God in all things, at all times. Sometimes we all need a reminder of that. So, we press on…

“Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.” (Philippians 1:27)

Home Sweet Home: Creating a Joyful Home Atmosphere (2)

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(Excerpted from Home Sweet Home: Creating a Joyful Home Atmosphere; available in paperback or on CD)

[I]f you have gone through the last session and can honestly say that you have repented and have a desire to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord—for yourself personally, for your home and family, and for all the purposes of God that will be fulfilled as a result—now you must understand why. Our salvation is not a gift that we selfishly hold. It’s the outpouring of God’s grace that must be shared. Whether we multiply it two times, five times, or ten times, is irrelevant; but if we are not sharing the truth and the love of God consistently with others in our circle of influence, we misunderstand our role in living life for the glory of God. . . .

In contemplating how my life measured up to God’s standard of holiness and how well I embraced the vision of glorifying God, I knew that I, once again, fell miserably short. As I said in the last session, I did many things in His name, and although not all of it was of my own making or in my own strength, I really did not have an adequate understanding of what it was that God wanted from me. He didn’t just want my works and my “doings,” He simply wanted my complete surrender so that He could lead me in living a victorious life and use me as He wanted, for His glory.

My husband, Marc, explains it like this in his book, Keys to Kingdom Expansion (available as a free ebook on our site, www.valuesdrivenfamily.com):


Why do so many people join the Reserves? Is it love for country, commitment to defend freedom, chivalry and public service, a sense of duty and sacrifice? Certainly many do join for such noble reasons; however, numerous other young men and women simply join for the benefits, such as college tuition and other signing bonuses. It may not sound very nice to say it, but let’s be honest—if they would serve without the benefits, would the government even offer them? Absolutely not! However, the government knows that to entice a sufficient reserve force, the benefits are necessary.

When those who have signed up with selfish motivations are deployed to the front lines of battle, do you suppose they really want to be there? When they signed the dotted line, we can only wonder if they really counted the cost. Is college tuition a fair trade for the ultimate sacrifice? Without a commitment to the vision (freedom) and the mission (defend and protect), no amount of compensation is worth dying for; but with a sense of duty, honor, and sacrifice—no price is too high. In fact, dedicated soldiers yearn for the front lines.

We can see a fitting analogy. Numerous believers have joined the kingdom “reserves” based on the benefits. They wanted freedom from the penalty of sin and a free ticket to heaven. They may even believe signing comes with others benefits such as health and wealth. Sometimes they reluctantly sign up, almost as if they are doing their recruiter a favor. However, do they really know what they are signing?

Do they know that they are asked to surrender everything to God for the mission? They are told to end all other allegiances: to the world, sin, wealth, pleasures of life, self, the flesh, family, possessions, and to be prepared to even give their very life for the cause. When they sign, they give up all personal rights and privileges. They must obey all orders. In fact, their failure to comply makes them a traitor, and subject to judgment. They not only fail to promote the cause, they hinder it by serving the enemy’s commander.

Do we present the truth and the necessity of counting the cost? Do those in our camps know that when they signed up, we were not at peacetime, but in the throes of battle? We are at war. The enemy has not let up. Why have we? Why are all our troops AWOL? Where are their commanders? Are we AWOL, too?

Recognize that we are at war. Millions are dying without salvation. The main reason is that we recruit our reserves, but don’t give them deployment orders. Even when American soldiers sign for selfish reasons, they still receive the same training as those who sign with more noble intent. They learn the art of warfare alongside the visionaries. And when they are deployed, they are ready to fight with valor and precision. Whether from false motives or true, they are on the mission.

We must learn from this analogy. I don’t care why or how these reserves joined our ranks. However, they need to know that we are at war NOW, and receive their training and deployment immediately. They must be shown the vision by our leadership. But, for them to catch the vision and get on mission, we must recognize we are at war as well, and be willing to count the cost.

Let me ask you—or rather, answer the Lord: have you counted the cost? Would you give up your possessions for Christ? Your comfort? Your freedom? Your wealth? What about your pride? Would you give up your home? What about your family? Now it’s getting tougher. Would you surrender your title? Your pleasures? Your fears? Your hurts? Your sin? What about your very life?

Ok, if you’re still with me, you can rest assured that God does not want you to sacrifice everything on this list right now. There is a better picture of what He wants from you. Just get a blank piece of paper. Now sign on the bottom. He will simply fill in what He wants you to give when He needs it of you. Will you sign the blank piece of paper?

Until we are ready to sign this document, we are not fit to serve in His Kingdom. Signing this document will lay the foundation for His service, and qualify us to train the reserves for the mission. The reserves will not follow us into battle until we take the flag and run headlong through the incoming fire. Reflect upon this.



When I sincerely “counted the cost of being a disciple” (as we are challenged by Jesus in Luke 14) I knew that, although I had prayed a prayer and said I wanted to serve God, I was not prepared to give up everything. I wanted to do the things that seemed good to me; I wanted to hold on to my comforts, my possessions, the security of the world and its systems, my children, my life…and even the less-obvious things like the secret hurts that somehow justified my sins and the selfishness that led to so much of my frustration. Yet, Jesus says, “any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.”

So, I urge you to count the cost and examine yourself. Could you—or did you—sign the “blank piece of paper? Would you be willing to give up your marriage if it served God’s purposes? How about your precious children? Your home and its comforts? Would you willingly undergo persecution, as so many in the world now do? Torture, inhuman treatment, even death? It’s easy to give intellectual assent to these things, but what if God really asked it of you? Examine your heart.

Can you give up the things that come between you and God? Perhaps it’s the bad habits of eating which are really your way of trying to control situations, instead of walking in the Spirit and allowing God to lead. Maybe it’s the petty irritations that you accumulate against the children or your inability to forgive their childish misbehaviors, so that you eventually rage against them in anger. Or it’s past hurts that you stubbornly cling to because by them it’s easy to excuse your present sin. I suggest these things because I know about them–I have struggled with them, too. And in all honesty, I had to say that signing the blank piece of paper was more difficult than praying that little, private prayer I prayed twelve years ago in the church pew. However, this is a necessary first step if you are going to take the next step, which is the Spiritual Inventory. You must first clean the house, as we talked about in the last session, and then transfer authority of everything to God, which effectively locks the door against satan and sin. All for God’s glory! And, yes, you will most certainly experience a “ripple effect” in the atmosphere of your home as you commit (or re-commit) yourself to glorifying God.

__________________________________________

Post-script to this session–this is a neat email that I received from someone who had listened to the audio series:

“You must be a kindred spirit because I personally related to
almost every struggle you spoke about in the 4 sessions I listened to.
Thank you for being faithful to share your journey with others, like
me! Now I know I need to sign the dotted line at the end of the blank
piece of paper. After 11 years of being born-again, I finally know
what I’m missing. :)”

I pray that each one of us as women would continually invest in our own spiritual health and well-being so that we can have the joyful and peaceful home atmosphere that God intends for us!

Home Sweet Home: Creating a Joyful Home Atmosphere (1)

valuesdr

(Excerpted from Home Sweet Home: Creating a Joyful Home Atmosphere)

I once heard taught that “The woman sets the tone for the home,” and I believe that this is, in large part, true. Though a husband’s leadership affects much and children’s behaviors are unpredictable, it is how we, as women, respond to these things that dictates what our home atmosphere will ultimately be like. We are the managers of the home and usually the primary caregivers, teachers, and trainers for our children. It is our domain! So of course, we have a great deal of influence on the atmosphere of our home. For this reason, you will notice that in this [seminar series…or paperback book, coming soon!] we will focus on ourselves, as wives and mothers. …

A joyful home all comes down to attitude, and most especially OURS! Whether our house is messy or clean, we determine how we will respond. When our children are whiny, will we encourage them lovingly? If they have misbehaved, will we correct them gently? If our husbands aren’t taking the leadership role that we’d like them to, will we harbor resentment or seek to build them up in love, submitting to them as unto the Lord? I want to emphasize that attitude is a choice—and the Bible says,

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8)

Is your attitude like that of Jesus? Do you willingly humble yourself to receive from God’s hand whatever HE has ordained for your day? Personally, I was more prone to planning my own schedule and then refusing to bend to the work of the Holy Spirit in changing it—or I would give in, but with complaints and frustration. I had my own ideas about how the house “should” look or how the children “should” behave…but God’s standards for these external things often differed from my own. Eventually, God showed me that, very often, the heart of my bad attitude was my own pride and desire for control. And James 4:6 tells us that God actively opposes the proud, but gives His grace to the humble. No wonder I felt like (and often said!) that getting things done around the house was like pulling teeth! I was seriously missing out on the grace of God, which He gives us to make us able to do His will.

Necessary Corrections

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I just noticed yesterday that my 7 year-old daughter writes some of her letters totally the wrong way–from the bottom UP, instead of from the top DOWN. Of course, when she began to be interested in writing, I taught her the proper method, but then got busy with teaching my 5 year-old to read…and then of course there are all the littles, and the older kids with their academics. Life is busy, and so after a good start in writing she went on auto-pilot. Unfortunately, she ended up developing this bad habit, probably just because it was easier for her.

She’s had such neat handwriting that I never thought to pay overly much attention to the way she was forming her letters…after all, I’d given her the basics in instruction and so I assumed all was well. But, after realizing yesterday that her technique is a bit “off” (particularly for the upcoming transition to cursive writing), I had to go back and re-teach her how to print some of her letters. A necessary discipline, though the reason is not because her writing is “wrong,”or even messy, but because it will limit her from going forward as we move on to the next stage of handwriting.

Similarly, I love my two year-old’s odd ways of pronouncing words. We all get a chuckle out of him. Especially the time when we were doing “training time” and practicing hand-shaking and introductions. After I introduced myself and put out my hand, the little one grabbed it and said, “My name Micah. Nice to eat you!” Much as I hate to correct some of these little mis-pronunciations, I know that I have to, because eventually his mis-speaking isn’t going to be cute or humorous. And, like the handwriting, the sooner it’s corrected, the easier it will be.

I realized in thinking about these two examples that sometimes the Lord has to correct us in a like manner. Maybe we’re not doing anything “wrong,” but when God looks at his plans for us and our necessary maturation, maybe we’ve got ways of doing things that aren’t conducive to our growth and His glory. Perhaps He just needs to bump us up from “good” to “better” or “best” in the overall scheme of things. But I hope that He looks at us in the same way that I look at my children…appreciating the uniqueness of the stage and the particular ways of doing things, yet patiently pressing on toward the goal.

Self-Will and God’s Will

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I have one daughter who is a bit more willful than the others. Everything she does is done dramatically. Although she is young (age 5), she has a good understanding of who God is, and as much as she understands she does (usually) want to please Him. But sometimes her self-will gets in the way.

I can see that played out in our relationship as well. She has a servant’s heart, this child, and always wants to help me in the kitchen. Wants to take care of her baby sister. But sometimes I see that stubborn self-will in combination with her desire to do good. What she’s “doing” seems right, but her heart, I can tell, is wrong. For example, she’s trying to comfort the baby by holding her but she’s being a bit rougher than she knows she should be. In spite of my encouragement to the contrary, she often treats the baby more like a baby doll and does the things that she wants to rather than the things that would be helpful.

In the kitchen last night…

She asked to help make supper, as usual. I kindly remind her that if she’s going to help, she needs to do the things that are helpful and follow directions. I know, Mom. So I ask her to stir the pot, where I’m dropping in spoonfuls of dough to make dumplings. She does so for a minute, but I can see she really wants to use the scooping tool to drop dough in the water. She tries to grab it out of my hand. I remind her that I really need her to stir the water so the dumplings don’t stick together. I can see by the look on her face that she doesn’t like it.

She asks to put the dough in the pot. I have a decision to make. Do I let her do what she wants (though it is good), or do I (knowing that her heart is being stubbornly self-willed) instead ask her to continue doing what I’ve asked?

This is an impasse we arrive at often, me and this child. Sometimes I give her her way. Unfortunately, I’ve seen that when I do this, she grows more self-willed and later I have to deal with hardness and bad attitudes that are very hard to correct.

So instead, I nip it in the bud. I gently remind her that sometimes we need to do what is needed, rather than what we would prefer. I tell her she is being a great help to me and thank her for what she is doing.

Of course, she’s still not happy. But I hope she’s learning.

And I had many thoughts in prayer over her this morning, about how this little scenario plays out in our relationship with our loving Father as well. We often want to do the things that seem good and right…but they are mixed up with our own self-will and God knows our hearts. Sometimes He doesn’t let us do those things, just because He wants us to learn to surrender to His perfect will rather than obstinately follow after our own. Maybe.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:6-7)

Our Three Pets and a Lesson in Relationship

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We have three pets…and in a middle-of-the-night spiritual revelation of sorts, Marc saw how each of them reflects distinct potential relationships that we human beings can have with our Lord. He told me I should blog about it, so I’ll do my best.

First, there’s Jeeber, a beautiful calico cat who LOVES people and is a sweet lap cat. One problem with Jeeber: lately, she smells. (Remember the song “Smelly Cat” from the show “Friends”? We sing it a lot here. The kids have no clue what we’re talking about. Anyway…)

Jeeber would love nothing more than to sit in Marc’s lap all day. He’s been working on his laptop a lot and she’s constantly approaching him to be pet. More often than not, though, the stench makes him push her away. (Just being real here, folks.) When we have our family devotional time, she tries to jump in his lap, and the same thing happens. Nothing like that kind of interruption to your family devotions.

We’ve tried to remediate the problem by adding some probiotics and chlorophyll to her food. That does seem to help, but we don’t always remember to do it. So, until further notice, this cat who wants nothing more than to bask in our presence is relegated to remote places.

Next up, “Jo’s Cat.” Yes, that’s actually his name. Jo’s cat doesn’t have the smell problem, and he often finds a spot to sleep at the foot of our bed. Marc would really like to pick him up and love on him a little bit. However, when Marc tries to move him up to hold him and fluff him up, Jo’s cat simply extricates himself and moves on–either back to the foot of the bed or into another room. This cat is stubbornly independent.

Finally, there’s our dog, Jireh. She’s your typical dog–she’s being trained to be obedient, and she really wants to obey to please us. She’s still a puppy, though, so sometimes her puppy nature gets the better of her and she doesn’t obey. Even so, she wants to…because she loves us. She is happy to jump on the couch and get pet. She’ll even get in the bed with us if we let her. Everyone knows that dogs are a man’s best friend! But it wouldn’t be the same if she couldn’t be trained to obey some basic commands.

All of which illustrate the potential responses we can have to the Lord:

Jeeber: Love and a desire to commune…but with the stench of sin that makes it impossible for God to tolerate our presence. Easily cleaned up from the inside out, but we have to submit to it and sustain the healthy balance.

Jo’s Cat: Independence. We’ll come close on our terms. Not a bad creature…but missing the desire to draw close. So we remain distant from God.

Jireh: A desire to commune and willing obedience. A winning combination! No, we’re not always perfectly obedient. But we’re constantly working on it, and we’ll receive discipline when it comes because we know it’s for our good, to train us in essential areas.

Of these three, I think that God wants us all to be like dogs. 🙂

Home Management and "Clutter"

valuesdr

The other day I asked a question to our Facebook group: “What’s your biggest challenge in home management?” I half-expected to hear concerns about frugality, and possibly menu planning/cooking. (Maybe there are women like me who get hung up on dinner because they forget to defrost the meat they planned on using?) However, I was surprised to have almost everyone who responded mention CLUTTER.

Which has me thinking about clutter.

When we were in the midst of moving last Spring (and contemplating a move to Africa as well), we had to deal with the clutter thing in a big way. We went through ALL of our possessions and seriously considered WHAT we needed, and WHAT WE NEEDED IT FOR. Needless to say, much of what we had was superfluous and ended up being sold, given away, or thrown away. (The latter option was the most painful, but when you’re moving to a house half the size of your current one–or smaller–what are you going to do?) However, I’m still not sure we “downsized” as much as we could have.

Since this de-cluttering experience of ours, the Lord has really been changing our hearts about the “things of the world” for which we all seem to have an affinity. What I’ve come to see is that, when it comes to “clutter,” we can’t just attack the “stuff” to get rid of it or not; instead, we really need to do what Marc calls a “Root Cause Analysis” and see what the real problem is when we’re surrounded with lots of “stuff” that fills our homes and our lives.

I think that the root cause is that we, as Americans, are spoiled. Even the least-well-off of us in middle America is frighteningly rich compared to someone in even another well-off area of the world, not to mention those in “third-world” countries. (If you don’t believe me, you will want to check out the book Material World by Peter Menzel. The photographic spread for the possessions of an “average” family in Texas took up two pages, versus less than a quarter-page for a family in Mali. The differences, not only in number of possessions but also quality and utility, are striking when you look at them graphically. Or, look at these photos to compare what we eat compared to people in other parts of the world. It’s disgusting, really.) I’m sure we pay some lip-service to this truth, but we’re typically not convicted enough to do anything about it. The world and the lusts of the flesh are too powerful.

Therein, I believe, lies the problem. Even as Christians, we pander to the world much more than we realize. We’re invited to taste, touch, buy on credit, stockpile, and fulfill our every desire. I’m not sure there’s even a definitive line between needs and wants any more, so much have we become accustomed to the full lifestyles that we enjoy.

Yet more and more, I’m being convicted about what we own, how we use it, what our home looks like, and even the activities we indulge in. I’m asking more questions like,

“Do I really need this?”
“Can I use something else I already have or do without it?”
“If we did not have ‘extra’ money, is this a purchase I would consider?”
“How much is too much?”
“Why do I ‘want’ this?”

And it’s that last question that has really exposed a part of me that I haven’t liked. I do not like the lurking covetousness that’s there, the selfish desires and the unwillingness to let go and give away things that I am attached to. And yet, although books like Intoxicated with Babylon by Steve Gallagher have really given me a different perspective, nothing says it better than the words of Scripture:

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” (1 John 2:15-17)

“You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.“ (James 4:4)

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21)

The hard truth is, I think we (and I do also mean “I” when I say “we”) all, at least on occasion, love the world more than we love God. We’re willing to sacrifice, but only so much. We’re willing to do some things, but only on our own terms. We follow our own plans and ask God to bless them instead of listening for His voice. And of course, His voice is very quiet as we allow it to be drowned out by the world and all with which it tempts us.

So, my “root cause analysis” on clutter is that we simply love the wrong things and aren’t willing to walk in the holiness that is God’s desire for us. We can deal with clutter (get rid of it, or perhaps just organize it better?) but the greater work that God wants to do is to purify our hearts. I, for one, am not perfect in this area, but…I’m listening.