Category: homeschooling

Top Ten Mistakes of Homeschoolers

valuesdr

Haven’t been by Bold Christian Living lately but have always come away encouraged and challenged when I do have some time to delve into Jonathan Lindvall’s thought-provoking articles. His most recent one (new, at least since I was last there…I think) was somewhat reminiscent of an article Marc & I recently wrote for Homeschool Enrichment Magazine (“The Heart of Christian Homeschooling”). Some great food for thought for today’s homeschooling families–couldn’t have said it better myself, so the article in its entirety follows below.

Folks can contact contact Bold Christian Living at PO Box 820, Springville, CA 93265; 559-539-0500; or www.BoldChristianLiving.com. A corresponding recording is available without charge from the ministry; it is Message #512, “Top 10 Mistakes of Homeschoolers.”

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Top 10 Mistakes of Homeschoolers


The Homeschool Movement is a modern-day revival. God is working powerfully in His church to prepare a people for His pleasure. Yet, like all past revivals in history, the seeds of diminishing fruit are to be found in the early stages, with little compromises.

Top 10 Mistakes of Homeschoolers by Jonathan Lindvall

I am very thankful the Lord spoke to my heart, as a single man back in 1972, that when He gave me children I was to teach them myself. At the time I thought I was unique. I had never heard of anyone besides foreign missionaries without access to schools teaching their own children. It didn’t occur to me that the Lord might be speaking the same word to many others.

Later, after marrying and having our first child, my wife and I encouraged a few other families to teach their own children. We even started a Christian School ministry to facilitate this (we have never had a campus–all the students are taught at home by their own parents). We didn’t call it homeschooling for well over a year–we hadn’t even heard that term yet. We thought we were the only ones in the world doing this, and only knew we were to disciple our own children rather than send them to school.

We were amazed to later begin meeting many others in diverse places who reported that they, too, had thought they were the only ones the Holy Spirit was leading to teach their own children. This became one of several evidences to us that what God was doing in us was part of a much larger movement of God–a sovereign outpouring of His Spirit in our generation.

Over the years I have been fascinated to study such moves of God throughout history–what have come to be called “revivals.” I am not alone in my conviction that homeschooling is part of a true awakening of the church initiated in God’s heart. I suspect that the rest of the church will one day look back on the history of the homeschool movement and see it as a great awakening that shaped and rescued the church.

But just as past “revival” movements were corrupted by flesh and compromises, I fear the homeschool movement will one day lose its freshness and become another stale monument to what God has done in the past. Like previous awakenings, I suspect this one will leave a lasting impact on the church (I don’t imagine the conviction of parents discipling their our own children will be lost). What God is doing in our generation will, if the Lord leaves us on this earth for more generations, be another foundational restoration of His purposes for the church.

But it is nonetheless tragic to me to see what I suspect are the seeds of the death of the freshness of this awakening, already among us. Recently a friend encouraged me to make a list of the top ten mistakes I think many homeschoolers make. I believe these are things that grieve the Lord and undermine the ongoing blessing He intends.

Our compromises and provision for the flesh don’t solely impact us. The most grievous result of resisting the Holy Spirit’s leading in God’s ways is that the Lord Himself is grieved. Our lives are about bringing Him pleasure (Rom. 14:8; 2 Cor. 5:9). The worst thing I can do is withhold from the Lord what He longs for and deserves. He is worthy of the joy that was set before Him as He endured the cross (Heb. 12:2). May we not grieve Him in our lack of yieldedness and insistence on self-effort.

But our little failures and compromises also affect others. God’s word repeatedly reminds us that our children can be benefitted by a heritage of godliness or handicapped by our failures (Ex. 20:5-6; 34:4-7; Jer. 32:18).
Our precedents will even aide or hinder other homeschoolers, now and in the future. Our generation is, by God’s design, to be a trailblazer generation for those who follow us. If, as I suspect, homeschooling becomes the dominant, assumed practice of the whole church in future generations, the patterns we walk out in our seemingly mundane minor details, will likely become standard practice and “traditions” for a wider circle than we can currently imagine. And the Lord calls us to be alert to how our actions affect other saints (Rom 15:1). In fact, our yieldedness (or disobedience) to the Lord will affect the whole world, even non-believers. As the salt of the earth and light of the world (Matt. 5:13-15) we are useless if we accommodate our flesh rather than wholeheartedly pursuing the Lord and His ways. The Lord intends our distinctive surrender to Him to be a striking “fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing” (2 Cor. 2:14-16).

In all this we are not called to perfectionISM, but rather perfection that is mature completion (Matt. 5:47; Col. 1:28). It is important to keep in mind that there will always be room for improvement (Ps. 14:2-3). Yet that should never be an excuse to cave in to less than what God shows us of His desire (Rom. 6:1).

Mistake #1: Wrong Reasons

I am always excited to hear of Christians teaching their children at home, regardless of their motivations. Yet it seems to me this is one of the most likely mistakes we, as homeschoolers make–we teach our children at home with the wrong heart. While I have seen people homeschool initially from wrong motives, it seems the Lord wants to refine these to His intent over time. Our motive in everything we do must be to bring pleasure and glory to our Heavenly Bridegroom.

It is quite possible to make homeschooling too high a priority in our hearts and lives. It must be seen as a means to an end. And the end must be kingdom of God. This is what we are to seek above all else (Matt. 6:33). Homeschooling, like every other activity in our lives, is not really about this earth at all (Col. 3:1-2). Everything in our (and our children’s) lives must be about Jesus (Col. 3:17).

Perhaps to clarify, we should contrast this with some of the questionable motives we should be alert to. As wonderful as academic excellence is, it must not be what drives us. We are not homeschooling for the purpose of producing young geniuses. While the scripture repeatedly encourages wisdom, knowledge, and learning, it also warns us that knowledge can (if not in its proper role) be a hindrance to us (1 Cor. 8:1).

We all want our children to have the skills and disciplines to provide for their families some day. But job preparation is similarly not worthy as a primary goal of homeschooling. Jesus explicitly warned us not to be concerned with how our food and clothing are supplied (Matt. 6:19-34). This, in fact, is the context in which he called us to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.”

There are many desirable, God-pleasing results likely to come from our obedience to God in choosing to personally disciple our children. But no matter how good they are, if they are the focus, rather than our aim being to bring Jesus pleasure, they can become idols for us. Many homeschoolers have become enamored with the vision of the long-term societal (political/economic) impact our practices can have. May the Lord bring all this about, but may our hearts be set on Him more than on the impact we can have.

Mistake #2: Lack of Understanding of Parental Responsibility

One of the most frequently-raised accusations and arguments against homeschooling is the charge that we are “sheltering” our children. Somehow, this has come to be seen as negative in modern society. We generally consider it appropriate for parents to protect their children from physical dangers, but sheltering them from spiritual, social, and emotional risks is perceived as “over-protection.” Spiritually alert parents recognize that spiritual harm is immeasurably more dangerous than physical harm.

In scripture the term “shelter” is always portrayed positively. The Psalmist sings (Ps. 61:3-4), For You have been a SHELTER for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the SHELTER of Your wings.” God lovingly describes His people as His “sheltered ones” (Ps. 83.3).

Despite our cultural abhorrence of potential “over-protection,” I’m unaware of a single time when scripture teaches against it. On the contrary, there are many instances of scripture lauding God, parents, and others in authority for protecting those they are responsible for. Jesus taught us to pray to our Heavenly Father (the model of fatherhood we should follow), “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil” (Matt. 6:13). Jesus taught us to “pluck out,” “cut off,” and “cast away” things that might “cause one of these little ones to sin” (Matt. 18:6-10). Another objection virtually every homeschooler in western society has been confronted by is the “socialization” question. In our society is assumed to be essential for children to spend time with peers to be properly adjusted. Yet the preponderance of scripture cautions from the opposite perspective. Proverbs 12:26 warns, “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray.” Proverbs 13:20 is even more pointed, saying, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.” Paul was apparently quoting an accepted proverb at the time when he wrote, “Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits’” (1 Cor. 15:33).

No doubt the Lord wants our children to learn to benefit from edifying fellowship, just as He wants this for us. However, positive social skills are generally not learned from children. God intends for fathers (not peers) to shape their children’s values and tendencies “in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). This requires protecting our children from peer domination, and instead structuring our family lifestyles to facilitate intense, intimate relationship between our children and ourselves. Sadly, perhaps as a result of the world’s challenges regarding “socialization,” many homeschoolers feel pressure to provide settings where their children can spend large amounts of time with peers. Thus, over the years we have seen homeschool support groups move from supporting the parents to supporting the children with extra-familial activities like sports teams, group music experiences, and cooperative classes. There are probably times when it is appropriate to expose our families to teaching situations where the parents are not necessarily doing all the teaching, but it is a significant danger to fall into the habit of exposing our children to the addictive peer group influences.

Mistake #3: Overlooking Gender-Specific Roles

One of the issues the Lord has used homeschooling to confront in the church over the last several decades has been the creeping androgyny infecting our culture. Many of us remember that when we were children, at least in the church there was a fairly clear distinction assumed between the roles of men and women. But over the last couple of generations, as western culture has abandoned any vestige of biblical moorings, the notion of full-time motherhood has been disdained.

The church initially resisted this trend, but eventually capitulated. By the 1970’s and 80’s it seems the majority of Christian mothers were employed by others outside their homes. This became a generally unspoken impediment to homeschooling, which logically required the presence of at least one parent with the children. Many courageous Christian families withstood the scorn of the society and embraced the call of Titus 2:4-6 for the women to be “workers at home.”

However, another trap went largely (thought not completely) unnoticed. Homeschooling began to be perceived as something mothers do. I have repeatedly been asked if my wife homeschools our children. I try to respond graciously, but refuse to allow this assumption to be perpetuated. Certainly my wife is very involved in our homeschooling activities. But God has called FATHERS to accept the responsibility for teaching their children (Eph. 6:4). I recognize I can’t do it all, and thankfully God has provided me a wonderful helper. But in many homeschool families the father is seen as his wife’s helper. She is perceived as the one who is carrying out the homeschooling, with his permission.

As persuaded as I am of the benefits of homeschooling, I have counseled many wives who have been given permission, by their husband, to homeschool their children, not to do it. A mother who homeschools with only her husband’s approval, is constantly laboring under a sense of being on probation. She is subconsciously aware that her husband’s authorization might be revoked if he determines she is not doing an adequate job.

Instead, if the father is the one who is persuaded of homeschooling, and accepts responsibility for leading his family in this, his wife can fully and freely help him without fear that he will withdraw his support.

Let me risk taking this a step further. The homeschool movement has become largely a women’s movement. Most homeschool support groups are made up primarily of women, and led by women. These dear sisters have much to give, and are called to teach younger women in the ministry to their families. However, there is a latent unscriptural feminism that we can inadvertently become vulnerable to, if we are not careful. I encourage homeschool groups and ministries to seek the Lord about being led by men, not just in name, but in fact. This will make it more likely that other men will embrace God’s call to truly lead their own families (1 Cor. 11:3).

The gender issue is impacting our children, as well. We all know that God has designed boys and girls differently. The distinctions are more than just physiological. We do our children a disservice when we train boys and girls identically. It makes no sense, for example, for boys and girls to have the same curriculum.
In Titus chapter two, Paul instructs certain people to teach certain things to young women, and other people to focus on distinctive things with the young men. One of the tragedies I observe in many homeschool communities is the encouragement of young ladies to aim themselves toward careers outside the home, rather than following in their mothers’ footsteps as homeschool moms.

God has always desired for the genders to maintain their distinctives, even in the way they look (Deut. 22:5). But today girls are being masculinized and boys are being feminized in our culture. For example, most institutionally-schooled boys spend virtually all their time under the influence of women (mother, teacher, cub scout leader, Sunday School teacher, etc.). I thank God for the influence of godly homeschool mothers in boys’ lives, and God clearly uses that (2 Tim. 1:5; 3:14-15). But I frequently hear such mothers longing for more male influence in their boys’ lives.

Many homeschool families have found that as they press into the Lord’s ways, not only does mom want to be home with the children, but dad also has a similar longing. A phenomenon has been increasing, in which a growing number of men are seeking (and finding) ways to meet their family’s financial needs while still being accessible to their children throughout each day. Some are tele-commuting. Others are becoming self-employed entrepreneurs who can determine if and when their children can be with them. Thankfully, a growing number of boys (and girls) in godly families are able to spend lots of time with their fathers. God is turning “the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers” (Mal. 4:6).

Mistake #4: School Rather Than Apprenticeship

Most of us were ourselves educated in institutional environments, and have very little (if any) model of how to homeschool. We all had parents. Even a poor parental model is better than no model. We are being called to recover a lost heritage from nothing more than scripture. (Can you think of a better source?) But instead, our natural inclination is to look elsewhere for our model of how to educate our children.

As we have embraced the term “homeschooling,” this has been initially helpful in dealing with professional educators and other inquisitive (or even hostile) observers. However the term has become a handicap for most of us as it produces a set of assumptions that draw us away from scripture. (Note that the word “homeschool” is never found in scripture. In fact, the notion of “school” in any form, as we know it, is completely absent from scripture.)

A mistake virtually all of us stumble into, to one degree or another, is letting the educational assumptions of our culture dictate how we disciple our children. I believe God is calling us to let scripture shape not only the content of our children’s education, but also the methodology. We are not called to mimic the school at our own home.

Most Christian homeschoolers have recognized the need for Biblically-based educational content. However, few of us have questioned the underlying methodology we were taught with. Our culture’s educational paradigm has been largely shaped by the Greek system of thought, as brought down through the Prussian school structures emulated in American schools in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

What kind of education did children in the Bible receive? Interestingly, most of the Jews of Christ’s day were literate. Yet they weren’t educated in schools. Even those who were educated by someone other than their parents, like the apostle Paul, were trained using a completely different methodology from that of the Greeks.

To the pagan Greeks, the goal of education was for the teacher to package knowledge he possessed and somehow transmit it to the students. They thus contemplated a body of knowledge and sought an efficient way to carve it into manageable segments. They increasingly minutely divided knowledge into disciplines, courses, lessons, and specific task instructions. Thus the focus was on curriculum.

Most of us today would not hesitate to question either this aim or the process. But the Biblical Hebrew approach to education is completely different. They were confident knowledge would be transmitted, but that was not the primary thrust. To the Hebrews, the goal of education was to shape the life of the learner, rather than simply his mind. Jesus said that “everyone who is perfectly trained will be LIKE his teacher” (Luke 6:40).
This resulted in a methodology far different than that embraced by the pagan Greeks. In the Biblical Hebrew culture the focus was on relationship more than on curriculum. As a boy, Paul was taught by sitting “at the feet of Gamaliel” (Acts 22:3). His education was shaped by “hanging out with” Gamaliel, listening to whatever he talked about, and watching whatever he did. It was dealing authentic life rather than artificially contrived learning experiences.

I often have young families just beginning to homeschool a five-year-old ask me for advice about curriculum. I will ask them what they’ve been using up to that point, and they say something like, “We’re just starting out. We haven’t used curriculum.” So I will facetiously reply, “So your child doesn’t know anything?” They immediately exclaim that their child actually is quite bright and has learned a lot. I ask them to give examples, and they begin enumerating some of the things the child knows. I dramatically marvel at how knowledgeable the child is, and express surprise that this was accomplished without curriculum. I then gently suggest that if their current approach is working well, perhaps they shouldn’t change course. They have taught much without curriculum, relying on relationship. This is what the Bible portrays of discipleship.

Today, most homeschoolers are strongly focused on curriculum. This is a common question raised when one meets another homeschool family. Imagine asking Jesus such a question. Jesus was the best teacher of all history, and yet, from the scriptural account it is clear He didn’t rely on a curriculum. We don’t even have any accounts of Him leading a Bible study. Instead, his approach was relational. He called His disciples to “Follow Me.” He invested time in them, and had them study Him, rather than focusing on theoretical propositions.
If we follow the model we grew up with, we will try to reproduce the institutional classroom in our homes. This is a mistake that will become a huge hindrance to what God intends as His best. He is calling us to disciple our children relationally, using the Biblical methodology, as well as content.

Mistake #5: Focusing on Outward Appearance–Neglecting the Heart

We all enjoy hearing the feedback of relatives, neighbors, and friends, as they comment on the fruit of our homeschool efforts. And certainly we want our children to display good behavior and project maturity to those around them. If we are not careful, though, we become addicted to the praise of men.

God looks on the heart, and wants us to learn to focus there, too. Paul told us that true godliness is not about what we look like, but it is a matter of the heart (Rom. 2:28-29). Peter encouraged the women to focus on “the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” rather than the outward beauty seen more immediately by others (1 Pet. 3:3-4).

When we focus on outward appearances, we typically fall into judgmental legalism, both of ourselves and others. Rather than harshness, the Lord calls us to a heart-based gentleness flowing from merciful hearts that loves God’s righteousness.

Mistake #6: Biblically Principled

We are not typically trained to think in terms of cause and effect. But the Bible (particularly the book of Proverbs) calls us to connect the dots of how our actions affect the things we experience. Paul further warned against the deception inherent in overlooking that “whatever a man sows, that he will also reap” (Gal. 6:7).

There are many families who recognize the possibility of falling into legalism, and thus react against any emphasis on living life by principles. In fact, Christianity is about relationship with God rather than living our lives according to a code of conduct (even a Biblical code of conduct).

However, there are universal laws of cause and effect that impact our fruitfulness and happiness. It is not legalism to embrace these “laws.” It is a huge mistake to neglect the principles God has ordained. The New Testament warns against “lawlessness” and neglecting principles. Peter described the oppression resulting from the “conduct of unprincipled men” (2 Pet. 2:7) and warned against being “carried away by the error of unprincipled men” (2 Pet 3:17).

Sadly, there are many Christians who have a real relationship with God, but lack integrity. For example, God calls for His people to be principled enough to keep their commitments, even when this brings us loss (Num. 30:2; Ps. 15:4). We are not under the law, but neither are we to live “lawlessly” (Tit. 2:14).

Such lawlessness is an easier trap to fall into than most people realize. We certainly need to be dominated by our love relationship with Jesus in the Spirit. But He also desires for us to love His word and be instructed by it. The purpose of scripture is to shape our “world-view” into a Biblical paradigm that interprets every experience in light of scripture, and anticipates the Lord’s leading according to scripture.

Mistake #7: Led by the Spirit

On the other hand, there are many homeschoolers who are so focused on living their lives by scripture, and impress this deeply on their children, that they neglect to emphasize that Christianity is about relationship with the living God. Jesus told the religious leaders of His day (John 5:39-40), “You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life.”

Like the Pharisees Jesus dealt with, we can unwittingly focus on the letter of the law (and our interpretational schemes) that we lose the life the scriptures are meant to point us to. Christianity is not about our self-effort to fulfill regulations! It is about a living relationship where we are actually led by the Spirit. This is not to deny the importance of being instructed by scripture, but to clarify that the source of life is in the relationship with God.

Certainly there have been many who have claimed to be led by the Spirit, and have clearly displeased God. Yet there are also those who have twisted scripture to derive erroneous “principles” God never intended. If there is one message in the New Testament that is unequivocal, it is that the children of God must walk in ongoing communication and relationship with Him. Paul said (Rom 8:14), “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.” He had previously (verse 9) said, “But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His.”
It is not enough to know and follow scripture. Paul even argued (2 Cor. 3:6) that “the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” Paul loved scripture, but the key issue of the reality of the Christian life was whether or not someone was living with God in the Spiritual realm beyond the temporal plane. He told Timothy “the law is good if one uses it lawfully” (1 Tim. 1:8). When the scripture is used as a replacement for relationship with God, it is an unlawful use of scripture. The scripture is to lead us into communion with God.

Paul loved the law, but He knew its limitations. He said, “But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law” (Gal. 5:18). We must teach our children to love the scriptures, but we must also teach them to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit in their lives. Without this all the scriptural knowledge in the world will only produce death.

Mistake #8: Isolationism

Many homeschoolers have found that the most insidiously negative influence in their children’s lives comes in the context of their church experience. God has clearly called us to protect our children. This has prompted many to withdraw from the vulnerability of what their children are exposed to in gathering with other believers. This can be a subtle trap. Proverbs 18:1 says, “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.”

God has clearly called us to walk in fellowship with other saints. The New Testament warns against “forsaking the assembling of ourselves together” (Heb. 10:25). We are to walk in fellowship with other Christians, yet we must not lead our children into temptation by exposing them to ungodly influences. This is a dilemma.
Note that the scriptures do not tell us to “attend” church meetings, but rather to “exhort one another.” Many people never miss a meeting, but never experience the mutual exhortation the scriptures prescribe. God wants us to walk in authentic fellowship with others of His people. John describes “walking in the light” (1 John 1:6-7) and says fellowship will result. We must not hide in isolation, but rather find other believers to walk and confide with.

In the New Testament the churches were dominated by relationships rather than programs. The fellowship relationships flourished in the context of home-based hospitality. The apostolic epistles repeatedly call believers to hospitality. Paul wrote that we are to be “given to hospitality” (Rom. 12:13). Peter told us to “Be hospitable to one another without grumbling” (1 Pet. 4:9).

God calls us to avoid isolating ourselves from non-believers, too. We need to protect our children from vulnerability, yet position ourselves to “be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you” (1 Pet. 3:15).

Mistake #9: Short-Sightedness

Wise parents look ahead in the lives of our children. None of us knows the future, but based on our own experiences and insights, we can predict the issues our children will face, and prepare them. Proverbs 22:3 says, “A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, But the simple pass on and are punished.”

One of the evils we must foresee is the fruit of failing to direct our children. Many parents are fearful of their children’s responses. They become child-centered rather than Jesus-centered. Like Eli, we end up honoring our children more than God. We often don’t realize that our focus on our children can become a form of idolatry.

When our children are young, we need to be alert to the precedents we are setting for our children’s futures. We must be assertive in forthrightly training our sons and daughters. We need to be aware that the older children will be examples (either positive or negative) to the younger ones. The younger children will follow in the footsteps we allow our older ones to walk in. The older ones will unwittingly be part of the training environment that shapes the younger ones.

Another trap is failing to foresee the negative peer-influence of youth groups. Our young people certainly need to enjoy Christian fellowship, but most youth groups are tainted with influences that make the young people vulnerable to the enemy. Paul says the young men are to be exhorted to “sober-mindedness” (Tit. 2:6). The young people are frequently tempted to flirt with experimental romances they will later regret, even if they succeed in maintaining physical purity.

Mistake #10: Fear of Further Leading

Most homeschoolers recognize that even today what they are doing is contrary to cultural norms. Sometimes they feel they are on the fringe edge already, and fearful of what the Lord may lead them to next. In fact, this is a realistic fear, and tests our willingness to surrender all to Jesus.

We see other homeschoolers becoming increasingly radical in areas that seem unrelated to homeschooling. Our natural inclination is to fear the Lord may lead us the same way. We watch as first it is the mom staying home rather than having a job. Then perhaps the parents begin to ponder the family’s diet and opt for eating more healthy foods (first whole wheat, then home-made, then grinding their own wheat, and so on). Then they begin considering more natural health remedies (herbal medicines), and perhaps even opting of home birth of new children. Then maybe the whole family begins wishing dad would stay home, too. So the whole family begins exploring ideas for home businesses in which each person has a role. Maybe the family even opts to begin gathering with other Christians in a house church.

As we see other homeschool families take increasingly counter-cultural steps, we become frightened, and at some point draw a line in our hearts, saying, I’ll never go that far.

God is faithful to take us beyond what we thought possible, but it is a mistake to fear that He has us on some sort of “slippery slope.” Certainly we want to guard against eccentricity for its own sake. But the more in love with Jesus we are, the more abandoned we become in our commitment to yieldedness. The key is to position our hearts to be open to whatever He brings to us, with caution as the Bereans (Acts 17:10-11) who compared everything to scripture, but with open hearts to every new adventure He wants to lead us in.

Never say “No” to God. Rather, may we all be willing to be taught and persuaded.

I’m sure there are other mistakes we all make. Perhaps my list will prompt you to meditate on this question and the Lord will reveal unique pitfalls your household should avoid. May we all love and learn from His word, and be led by the Spirit in this pilgrimage, for Jesus’ pleasure & glory, and our families’ good.

Why I love Homeschooling :)

valuesdr

Today was a great example of why I love homeschooling! Marc was scheduled to leave on a business trip late this afternoon, so I decided to scrap the usual morning routine of chores and school and really enjoy our last bit of time with “Daddy” for the week. We had an enjoyable morning–everyone piled into the trailer behind our new (for us) quad and we went for a ride…had a great breakfast of watermelon & toast made with Blueberry Crumble bread (yummy!)…went outside to visit the growing baby chicks and feed all the chickens…and, much later than usual, enjoyed our family devotions (a continuing reading & discussion of Proverbs). Then, since our toddler was falling asleep in her chair, we called an “early nap time” (it was 11:00) and we all went for a little rest. Then Dad got up and went out to the ravine for an adventure with the boys while the girls finished up their nap. We enjoyed a yummy “breakfast for lunch” of french toast and sausage (truly a treat!), read aloud from “The Adventures of Paddy the Beaver” by Thornton Burgess, and then Dad was off, with lots of “good-byes” and “I love you’s!”

After such a blessed morning, I knew the boys wouldn’t want to get back to “school,” so when they did their afternoon jobs and asked to go outside on a scavenger hunt, I figured they might as well enjoy the gorgeous fall day. I thought trouble might be brewing when son #1 expressed his desire to go down to the ravine, but son #2 said to me, “No, we’re not going down to the ravine.” They left the house without reaching a concensus on their destination, in spite of my request that they agree on what they were doing before they got going.

It was no surprise to have to call them back in within about 20 minutes…and to make a long story short, we had a really good conversation–an excellent “teachable moment” in which I was able to share with the boys an object lesson that had recently come to my attention from a friend. I’ll post it here, just FYI (thanks, Tony!):

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Dart Test…

A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith . She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons.

One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.
On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person’s picture.

Sally’s friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.

The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith , because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn’t have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.

Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.

Dr. Smith said only these words….” In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me .”Matthew 25:40.

No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ.

____________________________________________

After talking about the boys’ frustrations with one another, I was able to gently expose to each of them their sin of selfishness–each one wanted his own way, rather than considering the desires of his brother. This led to disagreement, anger, and upset as the fun of the afternoon adventure was spoiled. I shared the “dart” story with the boys and asked them, “If you were playing outside with Jesus, would you have…bossed him in order to try to push him to do things your way?…walked away from him and pretended not to hear him?”, etc. They both admitted that they would have done things differently if they had viewed their actions as having been done to Jesus himself rather than “just” their brother. I asked my oldest son, “Do you KNOW Jesus? Do you KNOW what He did for you?” And I had to admire his honest answer: “I say that I do, but I wasn’t behaving like I do.” I had to respond that we can all say the same thing, more often times than we would care to admit.

I got to coach the boys through some heartfelt apologies and reconciliation, and then they agreed to go back outside to do “whatever my brother wants to do.” 🙂 They ended up spending a really enjoyable hour in the sand box making “adobe houses” of wet dirt and rocks. I wouldn’t have traded this lesson for a week of math workbooks or reading textbooks! And, we did manage to get some math done after the little ones went to bed, anyway–so the day wasn’t a total wash. 🙂 Homeschooling is awesome, children are a blessing, and God is real good.

Weathering the Seasons of Life

valuesdr

I’ve been meaning to blog, really I have. I’ve had lots of thoughts, but of course now that I have a minute to sit down and write something, they’re nowhere to be found.

I’m in a new season of life. The word that keeps coming to mind when I try to describe it is “distracted.” We’re trying to stay on track with homeschooling. I decided this week to begin potty training our 20 month-old. There’s some training to do with the two older girls–new jobs I want to teach them, ways they need to be encouraged more in Godly behavior as they interact with one another. Managing the home has to happen. And then there’s the baby!

My husband and children brought in a half-dozen pumpkins last Sunday evening, because they had some soft spots and weren’t going to make it any longer on the vine. I set out Monday morning (Labor day) to cook, mash and freeze those six little pumpkins. It was about 8:30 in the morning when I started.

I think I finished at about 5:30 in the afternoon.

Why? Because I set the water to boil and put in the pumpkins. Then got distracted. We had company and so of course the children needed adequate supervision and encouragement. I wanted to put on a cup of coffee for my friend. The baby needed to nurse. Then, I wondered, how long has that pumpkin been boiling, anyway?! Pricked it with a fork and it seemed more than done. So I took it off the stove and started scraping the flesh out and dumping it into my blender.

Then I got distracted. I think it was the baby again. And then the kids wanted to go swimming, so I needed to be outside by the pool. While outside, my husband (who had been painting our garage) wondered if I had made the hamburger patties, since it was almost lunch time. Of course I hadn’t. So, leaving the other mom to police the pool, in I went to make some patties, set the table, and put out the rest of the food. Sure would have been nice if the kids had been around to help.

So the pumpkin sat on the counter until after lunch. I got the girls down for a nap, but then the baby woke up wanting to nurse. At least I got to sit down…

Managed to do about three-quarters of the pumpkin by the time the girls woke up from nap. Realized our company would still be around for dinner. Tried to figure out what I was going to put on the table. Made some cookies for the kids and the guys outside (thankfully, I had plenty of frozen balls of cookie dough in the freezer for just such on occasion!).

It goes on…but let’s just say I did not finish the pumpkin until some time after dinner. Praise God it wasn’t also a school day!

It was a good day, but a busy day. It seems every day lately is like that (though not all of them “good…”). But God is good, and God is faithful. We’re pressing on.

Seems a good time to re-post an article that I wrote almost a year ago, called “Weathering the Seasons of Life.” A lot of it is resonating with me right now, though I have to admit I’m doing better (in terms of my spiritual “being”) now than I did then. Praise the Lord for progress. 🙂

Anyway, here it is…

Weathering the Seasons of Life
By Cynthia Carrier

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

Ecclesiastes 3:1 is probably familiar to most of us; it’s not uncommon to hear talk of “seasons” in Christian circles. Seasons are those times of life when we face change, trial, unusual circumstances, or even special grace and blessing. Whenever I’ve heard people talk about being in a particular “season” of life, I get the feeling that things aren’t as they’d like, or that they’re just waiting for this “season” to pass.
We’ve recently weathered one of those seasons which, I think, has almost come to its end. It all started in August of this year when we knew we’d soon be moving from Connecticut to Indiana. Even while I began going through our houseful of belongings—sorting, giving away, throwing away, and boxing up—I was trying to get a head start on our school year, knowing that as the move became more imminent we’d be forced to take a prolonged vacation.
During this time, the baby seemed extra fussy, always wanting to be held. Our toddler was in the process of being potty-trained, with irregular success. And suddenly our three year-old daughter became incredibly whiny. I will say that I did try very hard to keep everything on an even keel, both for myself and particularly for the children. I wanted the transition to be as seamless as possible. Admittedly, however, I had a hard time distinguishing between those things that “needed” to get done and what I simply felt pressured to accomplish. As a result, I was easily frustrated. This did not help to keep the tone of our home what it should have been.
As it so often does, God’s grace evidenced itself at many critical moments. There were quite a few times I had to confess my irritability to my husband or my children and ask for forgiveness and prayer. All in all, though, the process of packing, and even driving halfway across the country, went fairly well and I began to congratulate myself on having weathered this season of life.
I was to find out, however, that it was only the beginning. Once we moved into our new home, the unpacking was another challenge of its own. Yet, we’d been on homeschool “vacation” for almost three whole weeks and I wanted to get back to the books, in one form or another. Trouble was, all the school things were still in boxes and I had no place to put them, as the rec room where they would be stored had woefully inadequate shelving. Add to this feeling pressured to attack all of the other areas of the house (both cleaning and unpacking), and not even knowing where the local grocery store was! Being one who does not deal well with change in the first place, I was reaching the limits of my ability to cope.
To top it all off, after having been in Indiana for only a few days (and thinking that things could only go up from here!), our nine-month-old baby suddenly stopped nursing and my hormones went a little berserk. I’d like to think that I only had a few bad days, but my husband lovingly insists that it was the better part of a week. I was not pleasant to be around. Not only did I make most of the family miserable, but I made myself miserable with self-condemnation. By week’s end, I was asking God to just give me the grace to “start over.” And finally, He did. On Saturday I awoke and truly felt like I had experienced the mercies of God that are “new every morning” (see Lamentations 3:22-24).
But the season itself was still not over. I began homeschooling again that Monday with what few materials I could muster, all while continuing to unpack and make our new house a home and struggling to get to know a new community and integrate in a new church. There were still many things that remained much too unsettled. Thankfully, however, my emotional state had stabilized.
As I write this reflection, I finally feel like this season has run its course. There are only a handful of boxes that remain to be unpacked. Our house feels like home. School has resumed successfully for these past few weeks. We’ve learned the area a bit and gotten to know some wonderful brothers and sisters in the Lord. I’ve asked the Lord throughout this season just what it was He wanted to show me, and now that it’s nearing its end, I believe He’s finally brought it all together. As He always does, He’s worked all things for good and given me some lessons that will hopefully carry me through the next difficult season of life with a bit more joy and stability.
The Word that God gave me to put it all together is found in Ecclesiastes 8:4-6:
“For the word of a king is authority and power, and who can say to him, What are you doing? Whoever observes the [king’s] command will experience no harm, and a wise man’s mind will know both when and what to do. For every purpose and matter has its [right] time and judgment, although the misery and wickedness of man lies heavily upon him [who rebels against the king].” (Ecclesiastes 8:4-6, AMP)

The New Living Translation puts it this way:
“His command is backed by great power. No one can resist or question it. Those who obey him will not be punished. Those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right, for there is a time and a way for everything, even when a person is in trouble.”
With this Scripture, God brought some conviction to my spirit that I had focused more, in this season, on the doing than on my being. Yes, everything that needed to get accomplished was accomplished—but there was an unnecessary expense to myself and to my family. I believe that one of the reasons things began to turn around was because, during my bad week, I realized that I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t even know what to pray—so I just asked God for wisdom. I also asked Him to help me to obey Him and live according to His Word, first and foremost, trusting that everything else would fall into place in His time. When I read the verses above, these truths seem to resonate there.
When we’re going through one of life’s seasons, we can’t just give up. We must look to the Lord and to His Word and seek wisdom for each moment. We have to be willing to do hard things, if that’s what God asks of us. Sometimes simply obeying God is hard enough in itself (for example, responding gently and patiently to a child’s repeated questions, when really we’d like to snap at them, “Would you just be quiet?!”) At other times, we may have to give up on our own preconceived ideas about how things “should” be, and go with what God wants them to be.

A season of life may come about because of a pregnancy or the birth of a new baby, an illness or death in the family, a job change or move, or any number of life transitions. As managers of our homes and daughters of the King, we have to persevere through these trials knowing that they will result in greater maturity (James 1:2-4).

In practical terms this may mean that for a while our homes are “neat” rather than “clean.” If we homeschool, we may rely on oral drill and practice rather than workbooks, or focus on the basics of the “three R’s” rather than a more formal curriculum.
If we want to continue to fulfill the Scriptural injunction to “practice hospitality” during a challenging season, we simply have to remember that there is a difference between hospitality and entertaining. We don’t have to offer a four-course meal on fine china with our best silver and choice of drinks and dessert. Instead, our guests will feel most welcome and most blessed when we seek to serve in love. Proverbs 17:1 may speak to this when it says, “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.” At the same time, we do need to seek Godly wisdom for those activities that can reasonably be refused—even “church” functions!

It is always wise to have some freezer meals on hand for those unexpected trying times. If you don’t, ask some of the women in your fellowship or family if they would be willing to cook a meal for your family. God created us as the body of Christ to support and uplift one another; if you have particular needs in a trying season, be honest about sharing them and asking for what you need. First and foremost, lift your concerns to God in prayer and He will provide help, oftentimes in unexpected ways.

James 1:2-8 is a good Scripture to remember as you face the storms of life:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” (James 1:2-8, NIV)
Granted, it’s not easy to remain joyful in the face of adversity—but it should encourage us to know that God is working all things for good and that we’ll get done exactly what God means for us to accomplish. That’s where it’s important to pray for wisdom—because all too often, our frustrations arise simply because our ideas and God’s plans are at odds. We must commit to living in a way that honors God, even when life throws us a curveball. As we do so, God is faithful and will bring the appointed season to an end when He’s sure that we’ve learned whatever lesson He intended to teach us.