Author: valuesdr

Passport Photo Adventure

valuesdr

Now that we’re “officially” transitioning to Kenya (we finally pulled the trigger on plane tickets for February, 2012!), we went to CVS to get our passport photos taken this week.

Ever try to get a shot of a colicky 6-week old baby where he’s looking directly at the camera with a “neutral” expression?

I had the other six children go first (Isaiah already has his passport from his November trip with Marc), while I nursed Enoch. As soon as he was done and burped, I suggested we go for it. I was all for avoiding another trip into town for a second photo shoot.

So the nice lady put Enoch on the floor on top of a piece of white poster board. Thankfully, he was happy…but very wiggly! He kept moving his head from side to side (along with the rest of his body), and snapping the camera during the split-second when he actually looked directly at it was a challenge. I think it took us about twenty minutes, but we finally did it! As soon as the deed was done, no lie–he started crying. Praise God the mission was accomplished! Here’s his official photo:

 

"Don’t Send a 5 Year-Old to do a 12 Year-Old’s Job"

valuesdr

Yesterday we spent the evening working on garden chores as a family. My twelve year-old was tilling the rows while the other five children got busy with their various sized shovels and filled the garden cart with manure. Once the cart was full, we pulled it down the rows and spread it out evenly so that my 12 year-old could go by again and till it in. Our neighbor’s 14 year-old son made some attempt at helping for about fifteen minutes before he high-tailed it home.

During those first fifteen minutes, I commented about something that I wanted my four year-old to do differently. I’m not even sure now what it was, but I didn’t consider it a big deal–just a slight correction while at the same time I encouraged him about what a great job he was doing. (He’s a hard worker with a child-sized shovel and, oddly enough, prefers standing in a pile of manure in bare feet over boots.) My neighbor’s response to my comment made me smile. Assuming that I was upset about the quality of work, he said,  

“Don’t send a 5 year-old to do a 12 year-old’s job.”

 While I concede that in one sense he has a good point (for there are some things that a younger child certainly shouldn’t attempt in comparison to an older sibling or an adult), I also had to respond with my perspective. I said, “If you let a 5 year-old work with a 12 year-old, and do as much as he is able, he might surprise you! He gains confidence to do a job that might have been considered beyond his ability. He learns how much he can contribute to the family and to the successful completion of a task. And, he’ll probably be able to do the job of a 12 year-old very well by the time he is 8 or 9.”

I don’t believe in challenging our children in a way that will frustrate them; however, I do believe in encouraging them to help alongside of older siblings or adults so that they gain valuable skills and develop a desire to serve others. I’ve seen that as we do this, our younger children are ready to take on more advanced tasks much earlier than their older siblings were. Right now, my four year-old does dishes and really wants to mop the floors, though I limit his work to smaller areas like the bathroom. (He’s still not really good with the pre-mop sweeping.)

How do introduce your younger children to household work, and what’s your general feeling about letting them “have at it” even if they’re guaranteed not to do a perfect job?

If a Mom Notices Water Under the Refrigerator…

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If a Mom notices water under the refrigerator,
chances are she’s going to pull it away from the wall.

If she pulls it away from the wall, she’s going to see all the gunk underneath it that’s been accumulating for much too long.
So she’s going to get a towel and some cleaner and wipe up under there.

If she stops and thinks about how long it’s been since she’s cleared the dust from around the coils,
then she’s going to get out the vacuum cleaner and crevice tool to clean up down there.

And as long as she has the vacuum out, she makes quick work of the rest of the kitchen floor, which never got swept up after the children came in from outside.

And since she finishes vacuuming at the threshold of the living room, she takes a quick look around and decides to keep going with the vacuum. After all, it’ll only take a few minutes.

Then she looks in the boys’ room and realizes what a mess they left it. Upon closer inspection, she realizes that if she threw away just a few things and vacuumed, it would look immeasurably better.

So she does just that, and decides to keep going with the vacuum down the hallway.

And then she realizes she hasn’t seen the toddler since she left the kitchen. So she returns to the kitchen, where the water puddle on the floor reminds her that she never did find out the source of the leak under the refrigerator……

Inspired by real life and “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” by Laura Joffe Numeroff.

We don’t Use a Chore Chart Any More

valuesdr

We are firm believers in training children to help around the house. It teaches them practical skills, encourages diligence, and helps them to participate in serving others in a tangible way. (You can see this post for more.) We used to use a chore chart, as I felt that it helped me in home management and helped the children to take more responsibility for their daily work without me constantly hovering over them, having to tell them what to do. (That chore chart is still available as just one of our freebies when you sign up for our email newsletter. I’ve also seen a lot about this free online chore chart lately, but haven’t tried it.)

However, it has now been over two years since we’ve used a chore chart. At first, it was because we were trying to sell our house. As a result, we cleaned when we had a showing and it was an all-out effort rather than doing a bit each day as we usually did. Everyone pitched in and did whatever was required.

After we sold our house, I frankly found little use for a chore chart. We had moved from a 3,000 SF house to a 1,400 SF house and there was a lot less to do in terms of maintenance and management. In part because of the down-sizing and also because we prepare our home for fellowship each Sunday afternoon, I found that a once-a-week cleaning on Sunday morning made a lot of sense.

When might you find a chore chart useful? If you have fewer children and/or a large number of chores to split up between them, a chore chart might help with getting things done consistently. Particularly if you do not have a specific “cleaning day” each week, but rather do certain tasks on certain days, a chore chart is excellent for maintaining order.

When will a chore chart not be as helpful? If you, like me, have fewer chores to go around (or more children to split them up between), there might not be as much need to schedule everything.  If you prefer  once-a-week cleaning rather than doing it bit-by-bit each day, likewise a chore chart will likely not be necessary, except if maintenance during the week necessitates it.

Chore chart alternative: In my home management binder (which contains emergency and other contact information, homeschooling records, and recipes), I have  included a page that summarizes our daily routines. A second page details what needs to be managed for the “cleaning day” and during daily morning and afternoon chore times. I’ve also specified which children can be assigned which jobs.Yet another addendum describes the children’s homeschool assignments in greater detail. Sometimes I need this to help me to remain organized, although for the most part it’s all pretty routine. My older children are  able to check the binder if I or my husband are not available for immediate direction. I think it is also a good record to have on hand in case someone else is caring for the children and needs to know “what to do.”

Here’s a simplified version of our Daily “To-do’s”:

Morning:
(All children dress, brush hair, and neaten beds and rooms upon waking.)

  • Daily: empty dish drainer and wash previous day’s supper dishes
  • Daily: carpet sweep living room and hallway
  • Daily: let the chickens out (this is coupled with another job, as it needs to be done but is not really a “chore”)
  • Daily: set table for breakfast; change little one’s diaper/clothes if Mom hasn’t already done it
  • Breakfast: older children may be asked to make oatmeal, cornmeal, or eggs
  • Check dryer for “leftover” loads to fold and put away (this is unusual but happens occasionally)
  • Older children check laundry baskets and bring full loads to the laundry room. Put in one load.

Afternoon:

  • Daily: empty dish drainer and wash dishes from breakfast and/or lunch
  • Daily: check carpets/floors (including kitchen) and carpet sweep/spot mop as needed
  • Daily: Fold and put away laundry, as needed
  • Midweek: Clean toilet and sink in main bathroom; scoop litter box and sweep floor
  • Help with dinner preparation
  • Clear and set table for supper
  • Work on outdoor chores for Dad, if needed 
  • Bedroom pick-ups

I work alongside the children during chore times attending to meal preparation, laundry, sheet-changing, or whatever else needs to be done. The above list acts as an outline for what often needs to be done during chore times, and is good to fall back on, but I often provide direction for other tasks that are a higher priority. By attending to these smaller chores during the week at regular times, we are able to keep the house in good order after the thorough weekly cleaning. 

Feel free to share your methods and systems for home management!

Seeking the Perfect Balance in Parenting

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Nobody ever said that parenting was easy. We continually seek after that “perfect balance” that will promote our goal of leading our children ever onward in a committed walk with Christ. It seems we must constantly strive to balance discipline with grace, desire with duty, spiritual with practical, …and so on.

Romans 2:4 says that “the kindness of God leads you to repentance,” and of course there’s the old adage that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar…all true. I try to be an encourager to my children in areas where they struggle and I believe in giving them grace as I see them growing in the Lord. On the other hand, there are times when they just need decisive correction in order to remedy a strong will, a particularly stubborn attitude, or a willful sin. It’s all about balance.

I was reminded of that once again this week, as my oldest son was struggling with having a good attitude about something he was asked to do (in fact, volunteered to do). Though for the sake of his privacy I don’t want to go into great detail about the situation, suffice it to say that he knew he was not exhibiting a godly attitude nor behaving in a way that honored God. I continually encouraged him with prayer, Scriptures and other exhortations, believing that this would help to work things out. After two-going-on-three days of this, I was rather weary and not seeing any improvement in the situation as I had hoped.

Finally, I gave him a rather stern talking-to about some of the specifics of the situation and made clear his need for repentance. Very shortly thereafter was the breakthrough that I had been hoping for.

In talking to my husband about the incident later, he made a comment that I probably should have done that sooner. He may be right. Though I may be painting with a rather broad stroke when I say this, I do believe that Moms tend to be more relational, more emotional, and less likely to enter into perceived “conflict.” On the other hand, Dads tend to speak to issues rather bluntly and may be more quick to discipline. These are two different methods which God made to balance one another in parenting. However, when one parent (primarily) is addressing issues in child-rearing, it’s important to consider what style or method will achieve the desired results, rather than just defaulting to what feels comfortable or what we “always” do. At least, that was my lesson for this week…

Having Supper Ready by Lunch Time

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The end of 2010 was a little crazy for me. Marc went back to work full time in September (with a three-hour daily commute), plus I was pretty nauseous and tired almost all the time (the first trimester!).  That, along with normal home management and homeschooling responsibilities, left me having to prioritize a little more strictly than usual. No one else can homeschool my children. No one else will love and disciple my children. And even in the area of housekeeping, there’s little wiggle-room. Even though my children do fairly well in the chore department, we are a lot of people and there tends to always be a mess. No matter how good their work is, it doesn’t always pass my quality control check. Not to mention, there still are some things that only “I” can do.

So as it turned out, one of the things I was most apt to give in on was meal planning and preparation.After all, one of the easiest things to do to save time is to pick up some fresh produce for a salad and throw a frozen loaf of garlic bread and a bag of ravioli in the shopping cart for dinner. (The guilt was somewhat lessened knowing that at least I still have some home-canned, garden tomato sauce on the pantry shelf.) Cereal or fried eggs with fresh fruit or child-prepared oatmeal were staples for breakfast. Lunch was anybody’s guess, but thankfully the children aren’t too picky.

Trouble is, relying on prepared foods tends to become a habit. I realized this when we finally hit a comfortable new routine and my morning sickness and tiredness had passed…and I was still buying some of the same packaged stuff. It’s easy. The kids like it. But, it’s not so good for you, nor so good on the budget.

I realized that part of my problem was that the dinner hour was overwhelming for me. I was trying to get the house picked up for when Marc came home from work (no one likes to come in to a  mess, after all.) I liked to spend the half-hour or so before his arrival time reading aloud to the children, just to quiet things down. But that left little time for me to be standing at the stove. If I tried, the toddler would whine at my knees (she was hungry and really wanted to eat at 5:30, but we now didn’t eat for another hour!), the three year-old would find some trouble or another, and the older kids would end up horsing around and the noise level was absolutely irritating.

One of the things I’ve been trying to do to make the dinner hour less chaotic is to prepare dinner by lunch time–at least, that’s my goal. And even if I don’t have it 100% done, at least I’ve managed to have most of the components completed and ready to put together for later…vegetables cut, ingredients retrieved from pantry, fridge or freezer, and so on. I find that this is easy enough to do, since for the most part the children prefer to do their independent schooling around the kitchen table anyway and thus, I am pretty free to cook and yet also be available to them for questions/supervision, etc. So in the evening, I simply re-heat everything at a low temperature in the oven for 20-30 minutes or so…no stress, no mess to clean up before my husband gets in the door, and no child-related stir-craziness! Instead, we sit down and enjoy a good book or talk together on the couch.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you’ve successfully managed some of your greatest home-making challenges! Feel free to leave a comment…

When You Feel Miserable, Stop and Ask Yourself Why

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“[Jesus] said, Blessed (happy and to be envied) rather are those who hear the Word of God and obey and practice it!” (Luke 11:28, AMP)
Some time ago, when it seemed like all the children were doing was bickering and grumbling, I asked them how their behavior made them feel. They all admitted that they were pretty miserable. After reading Luke 11:28, I presented them with a challenge: “If you are feeling miserable, just stop and ask yourself why.” After analyzing some of the more recent circumstances, we could see that, almost without exception, feelings of misery resulted from not walking in obedience to God’s Word.
Interestingly, I have been reading The Unshakable Kingdom and the Unchangeable Person by E. Stanley Jones (written at the ripe old age of 87), and his life-conclusions about the Kingdom of God have been enlightening and encouraging. As I read his opinion about how we, as people, were actually created to obey the Kingdom laws, I recalled the conversation that I had had with the children, and could see how this was so. He says,
Tertullian said the soul is naturally Christian. Reinhold Niebuhr says the soul is naturally pagan. Dr. Walter Horton says the soul is naturally half-pagan and half-Christian. I vote with Tertullian. Jesus said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Why? Because he puts nothing on you? On the contrary, when you follow him he dumps the world and its troubles into your heart. Then the Christian way is the hard way? No. What is the law of happiness in the world? It seems to be this: The most miserable people in the world are the people who are self-centered, who won’t do anything for anybody, except themselves. They are centers of misery, with no exceptions. On the contrary, the happiest people are the people who deliberately take on themselves the sorrows and troubles of others. Their hearts sing with a strange wild joy, automatically and with no exceptions. We are structured for the outgoingness of the love of the Kingdom. It is our native land.
And further,
So the starry heavens above and the moral law within speak of the dependableness and utter surety of the Unshakable Kingdom. And that kingdom is without us and within us—“the kingdom of heaven is within you”—therefore you break its laws written within you and you get broken. On the other hand, you obey its laws and its principles and its attitudes and at any period of life, in any circumstances, you can say to yourself, “What a life!”
I’m trying to apply this conclusion and this challenge to my own life, moment-by-moment. Historically, my tendency has been to blame others, or circumstances, for my own lack of joy; I’ve made progress in this area but…I can always do better. Sometimes I fail to be thankful. Other times it’s my selfish desires that get in the way. Or my attempt to control a situation is what brings misery. No matter what recent (or past) instance I analyze in light of this Kingdom-living-and-joy paradigm, I can honestly say that my feelings of “miserableness” do always seem to have a root in my failure to live as Christ, by His example and His Kingdom principles.
If we’re not experiencing joy, let’s stop and ask ourselves honestly, why? If we’re not in line with God’s Word or Christ’s example, let’s simply repent…change direction…and get in line with where God wants us to be. Will you take this up this challenge with me?

If Only I Had Caught this on Video….

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…because my writing of it is not going to do it justice. But, I’ll try anyway.

Our 18 month-old, Jubilee, has been increasing in her language abilities, to the delight of the whole family. (You know how cute those baby pronunciations can be!) She usually gets her point across, but occasionally we’re slow to figure out just what she’s trying to say. Such was the case yesterday.

I was elbow-deep in raw hamburger, egg, and milk, mixing up a meatloaf while the older kids were schooling at the table. My 7 year-old daughter had already finished her math, so I had put her in charge of watching Jubilee briefly while I finished up the meal preparations.

 Suddenly, Jubilee dashed into the kitchen. She yelled, “Now-Now!” and then opened her mouth wide, stuck out her tongue, and made a wretching noise.

Hmmm. Unusual. Just to be sure, I asked, “What’s in your mouth?” Always when I do this, she’ll spit if she has indeed put something in there. Instead, she shook her head and ran back out of the room.

A mystery. So, I began scraping hamburger off my hands and into the bowl. As I turned to the sink to wash off the raw meat, Jubilee returned.

“Now-Now!” Tongue stuck out, she gagged once again. Never before had I been so confused about a translation. Curious, I said, “Show Mommy!”

Dutifully, Jubliee ran off toward my bedroom. Halfway there, she turned to me again and repeated emphatically, “Now-Now!”, stuck her tongue out dramatically, and gagged.

Finally, we made it into the master bedroom. Jubilee looked to the bed, saying, “Now-Now!”

Ahhh! Meow-Meow!…the cat…

Then she ran around the corner of the bed, where her older sister sat on the floor next to…

Oh! I see…the cat has thrown up on my bedroom floor! Thanks for letting me know, Jubilee. I’ll get to cleaning that up right away…

Mystery solved. 🙂

When You Feel Like Banging Your Head Against a Wall…

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…yeah, that’s a good way to describe how I felt yesterday. Ever have one of those days?

The past few months have been particularly challenging for me. Marc went back to work full-time after working from home for most of the past 4 years. Not only that, but he has a 3-hour, round-trip daily commute and so is gone for at least 12 hours. For many of you, that’s reality…and I’ve gotten used to it, but it was a difficult transition given what our situation had been.

Right at the same time, I was experiencing my first trimester of pregnancy, with extreme tiredness and day-long nausea unlike any of my other previous pregnancies. Again, not something that other ladies don’t go through, but combined with the transition to “solo” days with our brood of seven, I was pretty exhausted and drained.

Then Marc and my oldest son went away for three weeks to Kenya. I praise God for everything that was accomplished in terms of training and Kingdom Expansion while they were there, but…that was a l-o-n-g three weeks.

I figured after the holidays things would normalize. But I forgot how active my children are, how much they love to be outside…and how STUCK INSIDE we all are during winters in Indiana. Our 1400 SF house seems smaller than it used to. And it’s loud.

With all of these transitions, and with my sickness and tiredness, I haven’t been as consistent as I both want and need to be in the discipleship of the children and in relationship-building. I can see that some things are suffering a bit as a result, although I am thankful for the Lord’s grace in enabling me to “persevere” and actually come out of a trying time on a pretty good note overall. Still, we’ve gotten into some habits that need to be reversed or replaced, and that will require yet another period of transition for all of  us. I’ll be honest, I want to see better fruit but the amount of effort that I think it will require is a little intimidating.

I was a little discouraged in contemplating all of this yesterday, after an unexpectedly overwhelming afternoon. However, I had the pleasure of reading this morning from Habakkuk 3:17-19:

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,  he enables me to tread on the heights.” (Habakkuk 3:17-19)

This verse reminds me that even if we don’t see the “fruit” we desire..even if things are challenging…we can and should still rejoice in the LORD. He is our strength. Let us persevere in Him!

Blessing…

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For a number of reasons (the least of which was convenience, as it was late and we were just finishing up running a bunch of errands), I decided to take the children to a local sit-down restaurant last Friday night. This is not really our style…we’re more of a McDonald’s “dollar menu” family on those rare occasions when we do eat out.

Between Wal-Mart and the restaurant, I wrestled with myself on making the decision. We had gone shopping for my father-in-law’s birthday and decided to get him a new pair of slippers, which led to all of the children asking for slippers. And I figured slippers would be a good investment and keep the feet warm, given that we don’t set the heat higher than 64* on most days. I had stopped getting slippers because we had a dog who constantly picked them up and carried them around (both inside and outside the house), resulting in very few actual PAIRS of slippers by winter’s end, so I had put a temporary ban on any “new” slippers last year. However, that dog is unfortunately no longer with us and so I re-thought my decision and figured $6 each for slippers really wasn’t a bad price. Until I put 7 pairs in the cart and did the math. And adding in the electric Shark sweeper I picked up to replace the one that had broken six months ago (and which I loved!), I was spending a pretty much un-budgeted $85.00. Any way you look at it, that’s a lot of money.

Sooo…you can see why I wasn’t sure about stopping at a sit-down restaurant, because it would cost me easily twice as much as going through the drive-through at McDonalds. However, I knew the kids would enjoy it…they always do when we take them to a “real” restaurant…and they could have pancakes for supper, a bonus! But…in spite of my financial misgivings I really just wanted to bless my children with something out-of-the-ordinary. And I was happy that THEY were obviously thankful and happy to see where we were going to have dinner, as we pulled into the parking lot.

As usual, we drew lots of attention at the restaurant (“Are they all yours?,” etc.) but the children enjoyed doing the coloring and puzzles on their kids’ menus and we talked to some of the folks sitting at the table next to us. The couple on the other side of us were obviously watching the children and enjoying them, and I could see that the gentlemen wanted to speak with us but I got distracted by a woman on the other side of me and we chatted about Jubilee (the “serious baby”) for several minutes. In not too long, the couple had left and I was a bit disappointed not to have engaged them in conversation.

Imagine my surprise when our server came with our meals and announced that the couple sitting next to us had taken care of the bill! They left a sweet note about “paying it forward” and wishing a Merry Christmas to a wonderful Mom and her beautiful children, which blessed me a great deal.

For the remainder of our meal…and all the way home…we all remained in awe of God and how He is such a good Father to bless us in so many ways. On the way home, I pondered this Scripture:

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:9-11)

I had wanted to do something special to bless my children, and God turned it into an even better blessing for all of us!

Let us consider how we can encourage and uplift one another, particularly as members of the family of believers, and also prayerfully bless those outside of the church so that they will be drawn to Christ.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24-25)

 “A gift opens the way and ushers the giver into the presence of the great.” (Proverbs 16:18)