My sister sent me this yesterday and it had us cracking up. Thought I would share…
Author: valuesdr
This was just Funny…
My sister sent me this yesterday and it had us cracking up. Thought I would share…
The Things that Really Matter
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I never mean to go a whole week without posting something, but it’s been that long! Marc was away last week and I had other things on my to-do list, so it was busy. This week is going to be equally so, it seems, but I wanted to make time to share a little story.
Yesterday I took the kids out to do their Christmas shopping. They’ve been saving part of their monthly allowances for gift-giving so it was time to count all the dollars and miscellaneous coins to see what the budget would allow. Of course, since they don’t get large allowances ($1 per month per year of their age, for those who are old enough to do “meaningful” work and handle money appropriately), the budget wasn’t a huge one. So, watch out Dollar Tree, here we come! 🙂
But FIRST, we had to stop at Wal-Mart for some grocery shopping, which was a chore that took a bit longer than I anticipated (oops…forgot that–gotta go back a few aisles…price check…and what else?) Waiting in line and checking out took long enough in itself, and by that time the kids were getting a little tired of shopping (as was I, but being the grown up, I was trying not to let it show!). So what’s a tired kid going to do while he stands in line for 20 minutes or so?
I was being a little more thoughtful about “behaviors” yesterday than I sometimes am. What I noticed was the following: my three oldest children laying on the floor beside me, at least trying to stay to one side, should anyone need to walk by; my middle daughter (3 year-old) playing with her little sister, who was strapped in the cart and went from fussing (as it was already nap time and we were STILL SHOPPING) to suddenly SHRIEKING in delight at her sister’s games. That was real fun for her but rather attention-getting–much more head-turning than I’d want to be in a public place. And of course the baby was crying because he woke up from his little nap in my Maya pouch and was hungry. (Can we nurse AFTER check-out, PLEASE? Just a few more minutes, I promise!)
When I asked the older children to get up off the floor, then THEY went to talk to their little sister at the carriage. My oldest, however, wanted to hold the crying baby and kept getting a bit IN MY FACE, since I was the one in possession of said baby. That only slightly interrupted my conversation with the cashier (all about the price check).
All of these things, ANNOYING, yes?! (Particularly the crying baby who refused to be placated, and with everything else on top of it!) It seemed like while we waited I was constantly scanning the area, counting the children, and noting their behaviors. And it also seemed like I was constantly correcting something, just about every time I turned around. I was tempted to be really frustrated…especially given that the past couple of nights I’ve been operating on just a few hours of sleep–that really catches up with you, doesn’t it?
BUT, since I was being extra-thoughtful of these things, here’s what I realized: in every instance, the children had not really ever been told that certain behaviors were not appropriate or desirable (like laying on the floor in the middle of Wal-Mart). Or, they were doing things that would have been just fine somewhere else, but not here (playing with thier baby sister so that she SHRIEKED). Or, in doing something acceptable, they were unintentionally doing something that needed correction (i.e., wanting to hold the baby, but getting in between me and the cashier and our necessary conversation). And, when I did correct them, they did obey right away…and with good attitudes…to adjust whatever it was that they were doing and to meet the expectations that I was expressing.
So my point is, even though it seemed like ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER and I did a lot of correcting, the children were not actually doing anything wrong. I could look at their outward behaviors and desire change, but more for my convenience than anything else. But God looks at the heart–and it was obvious that their motives were pure and they were doing their best. So in the end, I looked at it all as a training exercise and didn’t let myself get frustrated at all. That was good.
And just to prove their good hearts, I had the privilege of experiencing one of those “golden moments” of parenting. As we left Wal-Mart and all of its busyness behind and pulled into the Dollar Tree parking lot, my oldest son bowed his head in the back seat and said the following prayer (and this is a loose quote, but fairly accurate):
“Lord, I pray that you would help us to not covet while we are shopping. I pray that we would think about the people we are trying to bless, and that it would be about THEM, Lord, and not about US. It’s one of your commandments, Lord, and we have a hard time with it sometimes because we see lots of things we want. So we need you to be with us and help us, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
AMEN!!
“The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7b)
First things first—majoring in the majors with homeschooling
Cindy and I just started a very interesting dialogue—discussing why it is people homeschool. We asked ourselves, why did we decide to homeschool? We also asked our oldest children why they thought we homeschooled. The simple answer of why we originally elected this option, and why our children thought we homeschooled, was sheltering from the worldly. This is a noble goal and a reasonable consideration for choosing this path. However, I would argue that it isn’t the right reason.
The conversation brought to mind a review done by a homeschooling publication that included a caveat (subtle warning, really) concerning our book that said we were not “homeschool only.” The reviewer clearly misinterpreted what we were saying because of a reigning philosophy that homeschooling is (in and of itself), the end, rather than a means to an end.
This focus of homeschooling itself being the holy grail—the pinnacle of achievement and accomplishment—is a myth. Homeschooling does not guarantee that our children will grow up serving the Lord or even be people of character. It is not the end. Homeschooling is a means to the end. It’s what we do with this vehicle as a means for discipleship that dictates our success.
Now, let me be blunt. The Bible never even so much as mentions the concept of school. Are we honestly to make something that the Bible is silent on our lead item, our raison d’etre? Should this really be our focus? I would question the wisdom of that decision.
So you may be wondering, why does this guy homeschool if it’s not sheltering? In a nutshell, the Bible is not silent on the subject of parents imparting God’s Word to their children. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7 it talks about how this is done: through real-life discipleship. Homeschooling is truly the only means for accomplishing this. That is the right reason to homeschool—for doing what the Bible says to do.
With this in mind, it befuddles me why so many homeschooling parents work so hard to emulate the public school environment at the neglect of simple biblical discipleship—text books, lectures, workbooks and worksheets—everything you’ll find in public school—none of which will be even remotely alluded to in Scripture. These tools aren’t bad. However, majoring on the minors—focusing on the things the Bible is silent on to the neglect of the things the Bible is explicit on is a bit perplexing to me. I think we really need to keep our priorities in order if we are to use homeschooling for what it is: simply, the best tool available to us parents to fulfill our biblical mandate of discipling our children. We just need to keep our priorities in order. At least that’s my two cents.
Dangerous Intersection: Homeschool and Life…
Last time we got a little philosophical on homeschooling, so now how about something a little more practical? Our planner/organizer pages for homeschooling are another download that attracts lots of visitors, and that gets me thinking about the difficulty of intersecting home management and homeschooling.
I recall reading in my last issue of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, “10 Tips for Successful Homeschooling,” (or something like that…sorry, I don’t have it in front of me right now). Anyway, the article was written by a mom of eight children, and her tips were good ones. One of her suggestions, though, gave me pause. She advised not do “housework” during school time, but to set aside a chunk of time during the day and keep it just for academics. I remember being surprised that she could do that with eight children! I don’t know about you, but at my house there’s always something else going on at “school time,” especially with several little ones (preschoolers) underfoot.
Maybe that was a goal—an ideal? I didn’t get that impression from the article, but it sure doesn’t seem exactly practical to me. Not that I’m knocking someone else’s way of doing things; it sure sounds like a great plan. I’d love to be able to compartmentalize things that way! But, like I said, when the rubber meets the road, I wonder how it’s possible to actually do it? I know that when we start “school time” in the morning, sometimes I have to interrupt my school-agers’ routine so they can hold the baby while I change the toddler’s diaper. Or have one of them run and get me a towel to deal with the spilled…whatever on the floor. Granted, I do try to keep interruptions to a minimum—but life inevitably goes on. If it’s not housework, it’s often “something else.”
And then there’s one of the questions that came up in “Managers of Their Homes” (a great book by Terri Maxwell—I highly recommend it!). What do you do when you have school time scheduled to cover certain subjects each day, and the assignment doesn’t get finished during the allotted time? Do you scrap the remainder of the assignment (going back to it during the next scheduled period for that activity) or do you let the child finish—which skews the “next” thing? Terri recommends staying with your time schedule and returning to the work during its next slated block. Makes me think of a friend of mine, whose daughter always seems to be playing “catch up” with schoolwork on Saturday—sometimes for a good part of the day—just for this reason. That’s no fun for anyone!
So what’s a homeschool mom to do? We need to address academics, yes. We all could use more hours in the day—so scheduling may help. But then again, it’s often a hard task-master. Setting aside “school-only” time is a great ideal, but “life” sure does happen, no matter how you try to keep it out of the way.
I’ve found that, for us, it’s important to have a “first things first” mindset about homeschooling. And that doesn’t necessarily mean setting aside “school time” in the morning and letting everything else go until later in the day. We do have time that’s earmarked for academics, but it’s helpful to be forgiving about how our time, overall, is utilized. When I see my school goals for the day getting interrupted by distractions, difficulties, sudden errands, or other things, I have to take a step back (often take a deep breath…and pray), and then remind myself to prioritize. And, honestly, academics aren’t in the number one spot. We can homeschool 24/7 and 365, so I don’t worry about “when” it will happen. I know that it will! Instead, I deal with the more important matters–the things that are of eternal value.
What that means is that first, I recognize that we are growing in Christ and want to glorify Him in all that we do. So we focus on character development, living the Word, sharing the Gospel, and all that is most valuable to the Lord. So what do we do when a child’s assignment isn’t getting done in the time period that I would like? Well, first, I make sure that my expectations have been realistic. Sometimes it’s an error on my part that causes frustration. Then, we capture that “teachable moment” and talk about what is important to God in this situation—not the assignment getting done (because we can always learn multiplication or state capitals or “whatever” another day)—but that we exhibit the character of Christ by working diligently, or by having a positive attitude about work, or by praising God for whatever circumstance we’re in. We encourage one another with topical Scriptures, pray together for a fresh start, provide encouragement if something is difficult, teach (or re-teach) if necessary, and move on in our lesson. Even if we “waste” a half-hour over these character training issues, is it really a “waste?” Maybe today we’ll have to scrap an assignment that we’d rather not—but it’ll make for a better day tomorrow! And, my children will be growing in Christ, which I consider to be of greater value than all of our academics.
Second, we are a family. We deal with each other and with real life as-it-happens. These are some of our most valuable lessons! When my older children are trying to work at the dining room table and the toddler blows through the area with her pint-sized vacuum (and boy, do I love the sound of that on our tile floor!), yes, I encourage her to go use her vacuum in the living room (on the softer, quieter carpet), and yes, I’ll remind the boys that they can go downstairs if the noise is getting distracting…but it’s also not a big deal to me if I invite the boys to stop and smile at their sister, or if they interrupt what they’re doing for a few minutes to talk to her and laugh about something. Maybe we’ll go “over” on our allotted time for their assignment, but in the meantime we’re building our family relationships and enjoying one another. Again, you just have to ask yourself, what is of greater value?
We’ve found it very helpful to “start” with a schedule. It’s a necessary discipline that helps us to determine what needs to be done, and to find out just when we’ll have time for each piece of the puzzle. Then, it’s nice to work ourselves “out” of that schedule a bit and experience the freedom of a really good routine. Because didn’t I mention that a schedule can be a hard task-master? It is often what gives us the idea that academics are for school time and real life isn’t allowed to interrupt. It can be what causes us, as parents, to neglect teachable moments when we can impart God’s Word to our children at a key time when their hearts will receive its truth. It can also be what makes us miss out on loving and enjoying one another as a family.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that it’s “bad” to have a schedule. If you do have one, then I think it’s just wise to realize that God is the author of our hours and that He will very often have a different plan than we do. So don’t get too rigid. That’s where we fall down! And remember our last newsletter article about the foundations of homeschooling? The heart of Christian homeschooling is Jesus Christ and our relationship with Him. Don’t sacrifice the relationship for a bunch of rules. If God wants something to get done, He’ll give you time to do it. If you’re frustrated and scrambling to make things happen, you’re probably trying to accomplish something that can reasonably be put off until another time…or maybe doesn’t need to be done at all. Ask God, and don’t be pressured by your own ideals or compare yourself to “the Joneses.”
Yeah, I know that as homeschool moms we have lots on our plates. It’s hard to balance it all. We don’t want to drop any of the balls we’re juggling—they’re all important! So have a plan, and work a plan—but be willing to let “life” interrupt it. Let GOD interrupt it. And rest assured that what “needs” to get done, will get done. Be realistic in your expectations: what your house looks like (i.e., how clean it will be), your academic goals for your children (does it really matter if they don’t know every detail about the Punic Wars? I don’t know if that’s ever been relevant in my life!); and, especially, the fact that interruptions will happen.
When “school” gets interrupted by “life,” remember your priorities. Put first things first. So when your child doesn’t get an assignment done during its allotted time, do you drop it and move on, or do you press through and finish—even if that means afternoon chores are sacrificed? Well, maybe on Monday it’s the former, and on Tuesday it’s the latter. Both are viable options. Ultimately, I think it’s helpful to just ask yourself, Why is God allowing this circumstance? Seek wisdom about how to manage every moment. If God has asked you to homeschool, He will equip you. Just remember to seek Him. Don’t get so caught up in the hustle-and-bustle that life (including schooling!) is just the sum of what you “do.” Abide in God’s presence and remember that it’s all about Him.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NIV).
The Necessity of Encouragement
“….encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Hebrews 3:13 (NIV)
We are very aware of the importance of encouraging our children. Culturally speaking, I think it’s easy to get the idea that “encouragement” is synonymous with “praise” or for the purposes of “building self-esteem.” However, the Greek word translated as “encourage” in Hebrews 3:13 (above) is found in the KJV as “exhort,” which is further defined in the Vine’s Expository dictionary as (and this is not a direct quote, but my paraphrase) calling to a person to urge them to pursue a particular course of conduct. It is not comfort given as the result of a trial, but is prospective and looks to the future.
So encouraging our children isn’t about making them “feel good.” It isn’t even necessarily about giving them a “rah-rah” speech about coming out on the backside of a difficult circumstance. It’s about what we do and say in the “midst” of a trial to help our children to pursue a particular course–in our case, God’s desire for their heart and behavior.
I was reminded of this distinction today. It was a day full of encouragement! Not because things were looking up and there was lots to praise the children for; no, in fact, just the opposite. We’re coming off of a week of vacation (which is never easy, mind you), AND we were jumping right in to an early morning doctor’s appointment and several stops for grocery shopping while were were out. These days are also never the most anticipated.
We left the house on track for being about 5 minutes late, and it was raining. We were eating bread and drinking apple juice in the van on the way there, having not much else for breakfast and no time to sit down. (At least it was whole wheat bread, though). The boys had a few pages from their math workbooks, but weren’t really interested in working on them as we traveled. (“Can I do these later, Mom?”) Of course we were at the doctor’s office for just over an hour for a simple “weight check,” with all six of the children in tow. And we hadn’t even gone shopping yet! When we did make our stop at Sam’s Club, we did our shopping (being thankful for “Click-n-Pull” and most everything ready when we arrived!), but then we left a small box of things in the bottom of the carriage. I realized it just as we were pulling out of the parking lot, but by the time we got back around to where we had left the cart, someone had returned our things to the service desk. Well, praise God that they had been safely returned. BUT I still had to lug all of the kids out of the van AGAIN, and it was nearing lunch time, with still another stop to make.
Long story short…I was praying myself through the day and trying to keep up with that attitude of praise. The attitudes of the some of children, on the other hand, were wanting…exacerbated as the day wore on by the extended time of the errand-running and their tiredness, then hunger…occasional difficulties with self-control…there were LOTS of opportunities for encouragement! I did get to praise them for certain behaviors, but more than that I was mindful to exhort them as needed. To gently, lovingly, and PERSISTENTLY remind them of the benefits and blessings of surrendering to God’s will for their day and of seeking to “make every effort” to do the things that show that we are His servants.
And no, it wasn’t a perfect day. But it was very good. Why? Mostly because at a couple of different points when I was sure that a child was going to give up “trying” to do it God’s way, they would come back and say, “I’m sorry, Mom. I know I need to do better.” Or, they would begin encouraging each other, which was a real blessing to me. For all of us–my children included–it’s about direction, not perfection…and I definitely saw some progress today.
I have to be honest, I have a hard time dealing with bad attitudes on the part of my children. It’s probably one of the areas where I’m most likely to fall short in my response. I think it’s because it’s not just a behavior that you can discipline and be done with. It has to do with the mind, will, and emotions–it’s about the heart, and spankings don’t touch that. Spankings are easy to administer for different kinds of behaviors, but when a child needs to have his heart ministered to, it takes a tender touch, a kind voice, and persistent encouragement. Not just a “way to go” pep talk, but something that reminds them what it’s really all about. I have seen that my children can really develop that “hard heart” that gives in to sin (which is what I think of when I read Hebrews 3:13, cited above) if I am not proactive in encouraging them in a godly direction when I see those heart troubles beginning to surface.
It’s worth every effort we make as parents to get to the hearts of our kids. So I would just encourage you to keep on encouraging your children today. Use every tool in your tool box. Talk to your kids. Let them know you care. Live an authentic Christian life, and be willing to be honest about your own shortcomings. Pray together. Do life together. Then when you’re exhorting them to “pursue a particular course of conduct,” you’ll have the credibility to speak that influence into their lives. Most of all, pray that God would do what you can’t. He will. He is faithful. When we do our part, He does His, and it’s awesome.
Christmas in November
It’s been a busy week, in some ways. In other ways, it has been relaxing. Marc kind of unexpectedly decided to take a vacation this week, which was nice. I went out with “only” two of the little ones on Monday to do grocery shopping and then Christmas shopping for the girls (since I so rarely get out without all the kids in tow!). Then Marc went out on Tuesday to shop for the boys.
We both had so much fun thinking about what would bless each of the children that we were anxious to give our gifts…so we called “Christmas in November” and opened presents on Wednesday! The children were thrilled and truly enjoyed their gifts. In fact, they still are…as I blog. And although they are normally very thankful, anyway, I was extra blessed this morning to wake up to two thank you notes (from the older boys) telling Mom and Dad “thank you for the blessing.”
That got me thinking about Christmas in general, and why having an early Christmas was actually a really good thing, at least for us. I don’t care how well-behaved and well-mannered your children are–come holiday time, with all the gift-opening, travel, indulgence, and out-of-routine days, they probably don’t respond as you’d like them to. They might start off with a thankful spirit and a God-ward focus (as it should be when we are celebrating Christ’s birth) BUT it’s easy to get caught up in “other” things and lose that attitude of praise amidst the excitement of gift, after gift, after gift. (Particularly if, like us, you have divorces in the family and have to have, like, a half-dozen “Christmases.”) You can almost see their eyes begin to glaze over and pretty soon you’re prodding them to “tell so-and-so thank you for the present,” which you really wish you didn’t have to do…but it’s just “too much!” Or are we only parents to experience this?!
So it was nice to do gift-giving early, to remind the children of how we really wanted to bless them with special things that they don’t normally recieve. To remind them that “every good and perfect gift is from above,” and that first and foremost, we should be thankful to God for all that He has given us. The opening of gifts was less pressured, less crazy, and more others-oriented. The children enjoyed watching each other open gifts, were patient about letting each other assemble and/or enjoy the gifts (even if they hadn’t yet gotten to open theirs), and truly had a spirit of Thanksgiving. Isn’t that what it’s all about? And does it matter “when” you do it?
Our children are blessings to us from the Lord. It was nice to be able to bless them with some of “the desires of their hearts.”
“‘Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!‘” (Matthew 7:9-11).
The Heart of Christian Homeschooling
The Heart of Christian Homeschooling
By Marc & Cynthia Carrier
Originally published in Homeschool Enrichment Magazine
Recently, a comment made by an acquaintance stoked our conversational fires for quite a while. This mother of two young boys said, with all sincerity, “We use public school as a tool to help teach our children how to interact in the world. But I homeschool in the evenings, since I really have a heart to teach children.”
We could understand using public schools as a tool, albeit we would question the wisdom of that decision. However, the thought of homeschooling in the evening in addition to public school gave us pause. We wondered just what she meant. Did she focus on things like character training or Bible lessons that would be neglected in a public school setting? Did she try to engage in conversations or study that would compare and highlight a Biblical worldview versus the secular worldviews to which her children were being exposed? We didn’t suppose that she spent those precious hours supplementing the math, history, or grammar lessons that were already an integral part of her children’s academic education. The question we kept returning to was, just what does she think homeschooling is, and what is her motivation for doing it?
These are valid questions for all of us to ponder. In fact, many of the homeschoolers we know (ourselves included) typically revisit their purposes and plans for homeschooling in anticipation of each new academic year. When this comment and subsequent conversation were fresh, in fact, we were not far removed from our annual evaluation. So it was easy for us to answer the question, “Why are we homeschooling?” Let’s face it, it certainly isn’t convenient. Think about all the sacrifices we make to educate our children: very often financial sacrifices, and most certainly a multitude of personal sacrifices. So is it for academics? Character training? To shelter our children from worldly influences? Or is it for the purposes of Biblical instruction? For most of us, it’s likely some combination of the above. But if we’re honest with ourselves, just which of these drivers would we say is our greatest priority—and more importantly, does our homeschooling lifestyle reflect that assertion?
Almost without exception, the homeschool parents we’ve talked with all mention issues of peer pressure, secular worldviews, evolution, and the like. The comment we most often hear at the tail end of these discussions (and sometimes spoken a bit self-righteously) is, “Well, that’s why we homeschool!” And certainly, sheltering to some degree can be a benefit of homeschooling. We love our children and have their best interests in mind. Teachers, in contrast, are salaried professionals who can never share the affection that we have for our children. More importantly, the public school environment is devoid of (and very often antagonistic to) the faith that we as Christian parents profess.
Sheltering can help us promote a more conservative worldview than is expressed in the public school environment. In particular, by homeschooling we can stand against some of the things that society says is best for our children, especially in terms of gender roles. Our daughters don’t necessarily need to have high-powered careers; our sons don’t have to go to Ivy League schools and prepare for enslavement in the high-stress corporate world. We don’t need to prepare both genders to be able to exchange roles with ease.
As homeschooling parents, we have the privilege of preparing our children to function within their God-given roles when the time comes for them to have a family of their own. Our daughters learn to be loving and competent wives and mothers by helping Mom around the house; likewise, boys should have opportunities to work around the house or with Dad “on the job.” Public school “home economics” or shop classes are no substitute for home-based training. Instruction can impart certain skills, but only our modeling and sincere encouragement will enable our children to embrace the traditional Christian lifestyle of faith.
Another benefit of homeschooling is that it provides us, as parents, with a unique opportunity to prepare our children for “real life” by training them in productive labor. This just isn’t possible in the traditional public school setting. Let’s face it—in life we will labor. How better to ready our children for this challenge than to ask them to share in household work or to encourage them in entrepreneurial ventures?
Yet the most important conclusion we’ve reached about our schooling objectives reverberated throughout our conversation and re-solidified our commitment to our true priority in homeschooling: not academics, not life skills, not simply “sheltering,” but, quite simply, living the Word of God in an authentic and joyful way so that our children will grow up embracing our lifestyle of faith.
While the net result of sheltering our children from some of the adverse philosophies and influences that are found in schools is certainly positive, what will ultimately please God the most is not that we simply remove these influences, but that we proactively equip our children to grow to love Him and abide by His Word. We can shelter our children from all of those “bad” things and still miss the mark if we fail to fill them up with all the good things. Consider the following Scriptures:
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4, emphasis added)
And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, emphasis added)
Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them to thy sons, and thy sons’ sons. (Deuteronomy 4:9)
These are some of the verses that have directed our planning and preparation for our homeschooling regimen. What impressed us about these commands is that they are not prescriptive of what we keep from our children, but rather descriptive of how we are to actively impart God’s Word to our children, both by instruction and by example. These verses (and others like them) should be at the heart of our homeschooling objectives.
We also noted that these passages do not reflect the compartmentalized academic curriculum that is common to schools and all too willingly emulated by many homeschooling parents. As a result, we have decided to move away from curricula and toward a life-skills oriented “program” of doing life together with God’s Word at the center. Yes, we still use textbooks. Yes, we still have certain times that are set aside for “schoolwork.” Yes, we want our children to achieve a certain academic standard. However, what we do not want is to end up sacrificing our children’s character and their spiritual health on the altar of academic excellence.
Likely, all of us as Christian homeschoolers pay some lip service to offering our children a spiritual education. When we began to honestly assess our homeschooling materials and methods, however, we didn’t like how we measured up, and we were forced to make some changes. Looking introspectively at what we’d been doing during the previous year, we found that we had, more and more frequently, simply brought some element of Bible teaching into our home education rather than integrating academics into our everyday Biblical living. It wasn’t that our children’s spiritual growth and faith were not important; in fact, we would have said they were essential. However, the curriculum approach to education had truly trapped us into a more rigid academic focus.
Thus, another change we’ve made is to not have a “Bible curriculum.” While we will occasionally use Bible study materials or take part in a group study, that’s not our typical method of growing in God’s Word. We read the Bible daily (both independently and as a family); we seek God in prayer for guidance and direction in our reading; we delve deeper by using concordances and dictionaries; we challenge each other with thoughts and questions; we enjoy speaking and living God’s Word to the best of our ability. This is what we want for our children. We don’t want our children’s faith to become just another academic subject, or something to check off in a daily assignment book. We want it to be what they live and breathe.
The question we’ve returned to again and again is the same one that we challenge you to consider afresh today: “Why do we homeschool?” Our short answer? It’s the only way we can do what God asks of us, which is imparting His Word to our children all day long! We feel that, Biblically, it’s our responsibility to do this, and it’s just not possible to accomplish this successfully in a public school paradigm. God wants us to homeschool so that we can teach His Word and raise our children in a lifestyle of authentic faith. All else is secondary. And it isn’t a part-time endeavor. The Word must be both taught and lived in order for it to travel the 18 inches from the mind to the heart.
This active instruction in God’s Word must move beyond the academic if it is to be effective. It is through “doing life” in an authentic way that challenges and conflicts emerge. And it is only through these trials that we have the opportunity to make our Biblical instruction real (see, for example, James 1:2-4). There is no better way to prepare our children to succeed in this world than to impart to them a solid, Biblical character.
Our answer to the question, “Why homeschool?” is indeed significant, but even more indicative of our true priorities is how we homeschool and how we’re living out the beliefs we profess. It may be that we clearly see both the academic and “sheltering” benefits of homeschooling; as a result, these become emphasized because they provide obvious goals and measurable results. However, if we neglect the essential element of constantly immersing our children in the Word of God and a lifestyle of faith, they may suffer the consequences of a misapplied focus.
God cares little if our children score well on their SATs or go to an Ivy League school. He wants their hearts and minds to be centered on Him. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t properly prepare our children to be functional adults, or even that we should restrict them from experiencing success in a higher learning environment. However, it does mean that we can’t neglect the essential element of everyday Biblical living as we pursue the academic and social aspects that can often become the focus of our homeschooling.
We would challenge all of us, then, to re-examine both why and how we homeschool, and to be mindful of God’s heart for all of our families on this homeschooling journey:
I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments: And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God (Psalm 78:2-8).
Our job is not just to prepare our children to compete academically or to fulfill a job description that might be a part of their future. Our job is to live the Word of God and teach the Word of God. Sheltering helps in this endeavor. Providing opportunities for meaningful labor and preparing our children to function in their God-given roles as wives or husbands is also significant. But it is being God-centered in all of our doings that is of utmost importance if we are truly seeking to fulfill the Biblical objectives of homeschooling.
"I Just Want Somebody Else to do it!"
Somehow, yesterday afternoon I started feeling a bit tired. Probably not too physically tired, but–you know–just “tired.” Tired of going from one mess to another, keeping constant tabs on the little trouble-maker(s), bouncing from activity A to child B to child C and back to activity A. Have you ever had one of those days? Yeah, leaves you feeling “tired.” And in spite of getting one of the better night’s sleep I’ve had in recent memory, I still felt that lagging feeling when I got up and got going this morning.
The feeling was exacerbated by my oldest, who felt it unfair that he had to lug a heavy jug of WARM water out to the chicken coop, because the animals’ water had frozen overnight. And clean the leaves out of the outdoor water container. And, to top it all off…IT WAS COLD OUT!
So we made it through breakfast with a few complaints but for the most part OK. After breakfast I asked my 3 year-0ld to bring me her toothbrush so that I could help her brush her teeth. She said, “No.” So I asked, “Why?” (which I usually don’t bother asking, since “no” is just, for the most part, not an acceptable answer.) But I did ask, “Why?,” this time, to which she responded, “I just want somebody else to do it!”
Well, my thoughts exactly! I just hadn’t articulated them quite as well as my three year-old. I think my oldest son would have seconded the notion as well.
When the fussy toddler is stuck in her high chair waiting to be cleaned up after a meal and the baby starts crying because he is hungry and the table still has food on it that needs to be put in the fridge and there is a big mess on the floor to be swept but all of the floor-sweepers are suddenly nowhere to be found and the kids forgot to feed the dog and then the phone rings...I just want somebody else to do it!
And all you fellow homeschooling moms out there…let’s face it, we’ve ALL had thoughts about sending our kids to public school. Why? Because we just want somebody else to do it! Let them deal with the bad attitude, the laziness, the complaining, the distractability, the look that says, “I just don’t get it!,” the explaining and re-explaining and drawing a picture, and all the while the baby is crying or the meal is burning and of course the other children need things, too…yeah, sometimes I just want somebody else to do it.
And we take very seriously our job as parents in discipling our children in the Lord. So we teach, we train, we discipline, and we encourage…all the time, every day. We model Godly living, to the best of our ability. And when we fall short, we share that with our kids, too. It’s not like they don’t know it, anyway. But, you know, on days like today I just want somebody else to do that, too. It’s a lot of work!
Sometimes, frankly, it’s easier to just “not” make the effort. But if I don’t nurture my children in the Lord, there’s no one to fill that gap. Nobody else can do it like we parents can. That’s why God gave us that responsibility (see Deuteronomy 6:6-7)! Oh, but I just want somebody else to do it, Lord! I’m tired today…
Funny how at times like this the Scriptures we read each morning just scream with relevance. I recall yesterday my husband sharing from Hebrews, and we talked specifically about verse 14 (NIV): “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” We discussed the importance of holiness, and being set apart for the Lord–which means that often we will do things that aren’t considered “normal.” And doing things differently–and diligently, at that–takes effort. It’s not easy!
So whether you’re a stay-at-home mom when our culture says two incomes are necessary, or whether you make all the sacrifices associated with homeschooling, or whether you simply recognize that your children’s discipleship is your responsibility–and you take it seriously–likely you will look at how others are doing it and you’ll want to go the “easier” route, from time to time. You’ll be tempted to say, I just want somebody else to do it! But, let’s face it, our children deserve our best effort. The pay off is well worth the investment, if we can just stay the course. So as I write, I’m trying to encourage myself–and I hope you will, too!
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (2 Peter 1:3-8)
Parenting is Dirty Work
I recently was discussing with a friend that I had shot a few opossums by the henhouse a little while back. My friend politely told me that he was not the right person to be sharing said conversation because he was opposed to killing wild animals. I then responded that I had felt the same way, until I had to pick up the remains of a couple of my dead chickens from the floor of the chicken coop. Ever since that fateful morning the raccoons and opossums have become fair game if they are any where near my birds. I am obligated to protect my livestock.
I’ve seen similar sentiments expressed when people ask us (often with a sickened look on their faces) whether or not we kill the animals that we raise for food, and I say that we do. It seems that most people have no problem eating a slice of their favorite meat as long as they don’t have to do the work of slaughtering and preparing it. However, someone has to do the dirty work. It’s just easier not to think about it, and to look the other way.
These examples elicit an image in my mind of the “dirty work” involved in parenting, and how some parents just ignore some things, rather than get their hands dirty. Some of the “varmints” out there include bad influence and sins of all kinds; if we don’t take measures against them, they will attack our homes and influence our children. Too often, we turn a blind eye to the dangers of worldliness and the lusts that permeate our culture. Instead of protecting our children, we have, instead, invited the fox into the henhouse—whether through the filth of television or the humanist philosophies presented in public education. Greed, sex, idolatry, and just plain complacency are the norm—even within the church. We have lost our way.
And unfortunately, those who do take defensive positions (like a good farmer watching out for his birds) all too often get labeled as self-righteous, or “holier than thou.” They are criticized for sheltering their children or being anti-social. I’m sorry, but in the Bible sheltering is portrayed as a positive thing; it’s only our culture that puts a negative spin on it. Why? Because it’s easier to let someone else get their hands dirty, or to ignore the problems all together.
The Bible states: “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” Yet we can live (and teach our children to live) with one foot (or sometimes two feet) firmly planted in worldliness. Too many of us believe that it is society’s—or church’s—responsibility to raise our children. This is even true when it comes to spiritual instruction. However, God has commanded us, as parents, to do the job (Duet 6:6-7). Many churches simply perpetuate the practice of “handing off” the responsibility for one’s flock, rendering parents impotent when it comes to having a spiritual influence on their children.
Are we willing, as parents, to get our hands dirty by calling evil, evil and good, good? Are we willing to cut sin and complacency out of our homes? Are we willing to keep the fox out of the henhouse, discipling our families and leading them according to God’s Word? If not, another generation will be lost to the world. I urge you to protect your flock and be willing to get your hands dirty.