When You Feel Like Banging Your Head Against a Wall…

…yeah, that’s a good way to describe how I felt yesterday. Ever have one of those days?

The past few months have been particularly challenging for me. Marc went back to work full-time after working from home for most of the past 4 years. Not only that, but he has a 3-hour, round-trip daily commute and so is gone for at least 12 hours. For many of you, that’s reality…and I’ve gotten used to it, but it was a difficult transition given what our situation had been.

Right at the same time, I was experiencing my first trimester of pregnancy, with extreme tiredness and day-long nausea unlike any of my other previous pregnancies. Again, not something that other ladies don’t go through, but combined with the transition to “solo” days with our brood of seven, I was pretty exhausted and drained.

Then Marc and my oldest son went away for three weeks to Kenya. I praise God for everything that was accomplished in terms of training and Kingdom Expansion while they were there, but…that was a l-o-n-g three weeks.

I figured after the holidays things would normalize. But I forgot how active my children are, how much they love to be outside…and how STUCK INSIDE we all are during winters in Indiana. Our 1400 SF house seems smaller than it used to. And it’s loud.

With all of these transitions, and with my sickness and tiredness, I haven’t been as consistent as I both want and need to be in the discipleship of the children and in relationship-building. I can see that some things are suffering a bit as a result, although I am thankful for the Lord’s grace in enabling me to “persevere” and actually come out of a trying time on a pretty good note overall. Still, we’ve gotten into some habits that need to be reversed or replaced, and that will require yet another period of transition for all of  us. I’ll be honest, I want to see better fruit but the amount of effort that I think it will require is a little intimidating.

I was a little discouraged in contemplating all of this yesterday, after an unexpectedly overwhelming afternoon. However, I had the pleasure of reading this morning from Habakkuk 3:17-19:

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,  he enables me to tread on the heights.” (Habakkuk 3:17-19)

This verse reminds me that even if we don’t see the “fruit” we desire..even if things are challenging…we can and should still rejoice in the LORD. He is our strength. Let us persevere in Him!

4 thoughts on “When You Feel Like Banging Your Head Against a Wall…

  1. How similar we are!

    I have seven- although more spread out, the oldest is 13. My 8th was due Tuesday, but true to form hasn't shown up yet. My dh was home since Nov of 05 with a back injury, he just started school a year ago and this last semester has gotten me to the point of really missing his presence. He hasn't gone on any missions trips lately. We do have a 1400 sq ft home like you. We live in a similar climate (northern OH).

    Know you are not alone, I am hanging on with you. Thank you for the verses, I will have to copy that onto a notecard to read throughout my day. Be encouraged by knowing how much you inspire me.

  2. My hubby sent me this link after a particularly trying day, and I'm so glad he did! Thanks so much for the encouragement.

    You should also know after my hubby sent me this link, but I had not yet read it- we had planned on an extremely rare date night with another couple from our church. Well, about 30 minutes before we were to leave, I twisted my ankle and fell. I would have bounced right back in my younger days, but this time, I passed out from the pain, and just couldn't recover from the fall – so our date was cancelled. Yet, I will rejoice in the Lord! My hubby has had the rare 'pleasure' of waiting on my hand and foot all evening. I am getting some much needed rest and refreshment after all.

    Hope that gives you all a chuckle!

  3. Oh, Sue, you poor dear! Though your "date night" wasn't what you expected, at least you and your sweet hubby had some time together after all. 🙂 Keep encouraging yourself in the Lord. Will be praying for your healing!

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