Author: valuesdr

Still Working…

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Yesterday Marc got most of the upper kitchen cabinets installed, and hung a huge storage shelf in the master bedroom as well. In CT we had a wonderful basement for storage, and here in IN our “old” house has a great attic space. THIS house, if it is lacking in anything, needs more storage! No attic, no basement, and no outbuildings (yet!) Sooo…the shelf in the master bedroom will come in handy for some interim storage of off-season clothes, off-size clothes (waiting for the next hand-me-down), and whatever else we don’t have an official location for.

There is a large pile of boxes and miscellaneous “stuff” in the living room of the new house, just waiting to be put away. I made some progress on that yesterday, but there’s still plenty to do. Today, however, we’re at the “old” house, shampooing carpets, washing windows, and cleaning up the yard a bit. Later this afternoon I have a doctor’s appointment, so won’t make much progress with unpacking. I’m sure it will all get done in good time. I just have to be content with looking at the mess for a little while longer. 🙂

Right now Marc is overseeing the moving and re-installation of our propane tank, and will be attempting to uninstall/re-install our satellite Internet equipment sometime over the weekend. That’s something new for him, but if he can do it, we’ll save about $450…so thanks in advance for your prayers that all will go smoothly. 😉

The littles have been watching lots of cartoons with Grandpa lately. I managed them along with everything else pretty successfully for the for the first week or so but these past few days everyone has gotten a little tired of no routine, no “stuff” where and when you need it, etc. Grandpa to the rescue! Gotta love the sacrifices that you sometimes have to make during these seasons of life. Oy! I need to go peel them away from the TV and get back to the other house.

Quick Moving Update

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Well, we’re working into week two of moving!

In the new house, Marc has removed/re-located the center island (including sink) over to the side wall so that we could accommodate our 16-person dining room table (yeah!!). We’ve unexpectedly replaced the valve body in the main bathtub…since I wanted to give the girls a much-needed bath the other day and the water turned on, but…didn’t turn back off (oops!). We had no front exterior door (just a sheet of plywood, LOL), so that went in pretty much right away, and almost all of the interior doors had been stripped as well, so those are being worked on, too.

Today we woke up to rain and realized from the dripping overhead that the roof leak in the master bedroom is the next thing to be fixed. There was a tarp over it and we knew it’d have to be done eventually, but apparently (for whatever reason) the tarp hasn’t been–or no longer is–doing its job.

Both houses are a bit disorderly…but most of the stuff we “need” is in our new house and we’ve settled in there quite nicely. We’re feeling very blessed!

Now, we’ve got to whip our “old” house into shape for sale! Tomorrow we’re having new carpet installed in the lower level, so Marc did some paint touch-ups on the walls today. I got a lot of the remaining “stuff” from the bedrooms, kitchen, and living room boxed up; not moved yet, but ready to go. The master bedroom is still a wreck, as is the office. But everything else is shaping up pretty well.

Slow and steady wins the race…

Moving…

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Last Friday we closed on a little house just across the field from our current home. We’ve been working on it all week, hoping to get moved from here to there within the next couple of weeks or so. Well, today Marc decided that we might as well just take the plunge and bring everything over there! Pending a successful plumbing fix, we’ve got a few neighbors coming this afternoon to help. I don’t think we’ll be moving everything today–just the big stuff–but enough that we’ll be able to make it “home” over there! There are still a couple of repairs that need to be done, but nothing pressing. So, we press on!

All that’s left is to sell the house we’re now vacating. 🙂

Gotta go get busy!

Definition of Success

valuesdr

My husband recently related to me a conversation between two of our friends. One man asked another, “What’s your definition of success: finishing a small number of projects, or starting lots of things and not bringing them to completion?”

Seems like a silly question. After all, we all want to be “finishers,” don’t we? I suppose I’ve always considered myself a finisher. I have goal sheets full of projects and love to check things off of my “to-do” list. However, I have to admit that right now all of my projects are in various stages of completion. Some may never get done. So what is my definition of success? I guess that’s a valid question.

Let’s take, for example, homeschooling. We started a unit study on grains several weeks ago. Got through two sections and now it’s sitting on my desk in favor of other endeavors. I’m sure we’ll get back to it, but I can’t say I have a time line on it. Likewise, we’ve begun several different books as read-alouds but not all of them have been finished. Maybe never will…at least not in the near future. Why does this happen? My answer is two-fold: first, our interests shift and change, and what seems exciting and even needful at one point may not remain a priority. Second, life is busy, we often get distracted, and sometimes it’s just easier to move on to something else.

I like the idea of bringing projects to completion, really I do. I think that self-discipline (which comes from making onesself complete things that have been begun) is a positive character trait and I don’t want my children (or myself) to be lacking in it. However, there are often other lessons learned from “not finishing” that are just as valuable. For example, when we jump from one half-finished project to another, often it’s because we get distracted by things like ministry opportunities, teachable moments, and family times. Which of these are more important to pursue? And if it’s a case of shifting interests, well, isn’t it also important to have the freedom to investigate and learn things that are of intrinsic interest, rather than stay with something that no longer has “life” in it?

So I would say that sometimes I’m a good starter, and at other times I’m a finisher. In the same way, sometimes I insist that my children bring projects to completion while at other times they have the freedom and flexibility to “not finish.” What about you?

Self esteem

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It’s just ironic how our children are taught that they are the result of a cosmic accident, emanating from primordial slime-to-apes—ultimately, just smart water that will go out like a light bulb one day—and then reaffirm their self-worth with self-esteem propaganda that flies in the face of our very essence and nature before an awesome God.

Recognizing who we are in relation to a loving, and all-powerful God, having been created in His image, but bound to a body of sin and death, is what helps us maintain a humility that God rewards.

“Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.” (Psalm 39:6-7)

Let them LEAN on you!

valuesdr

We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves at the recent convention in St. Louis; met some awesome folks, enjoyed good fellowship, and were happy to see some of you there as well. (A special thanks to Phyllis Wheeler of Motherboard Books, and her gracious family, for hosting us on Thursday and Friday nights!)

One of you whom we met was Laurie, and I had to mention her by name because she stopped by our table every day! We even got to meet her husband, which was super except that now I’ve forgotten his name (sorry!). I know that Laurie’s husband was at Marc’s seminar on Budgets and Schedules, and both of them attended my talk on Friday—“Babies, Toddlers, and Preschoolers, Oh My! Successfully Integrating Little Ones into Your Homeschool.” Though I touched upon many different topics during that hour, Laurie’s husband thought up a really neat acronym to sum up the heart of what I had said in regards to our little ones, our relationship with them, and their needs. I was so tickled by it that I just had to share! Perhaps it will help you to remember some of the things that you can consistently do to help your children feel loved. This is so foundational to successful parenting that we will all benefit from the reminder—no matter what the ages of our children. So here goes:

Your children need to be able to L.E.A.N. on you. Here are some of the foundational things that they require: Love, Encouragement, Attention, and Nurture. Though I talked about these four things specifically in relation to our littlest ones in the context of homeschooling, I’m going to expand on those thoughts here.

Love: The area of my greatest weakness is the whole First Corinthians verse about love being “patient and kind” and “not self-seeking.” I have to admit, I am too easily frustrated with the constant activity, the mess, the interruptions, and the sheer volume of children who all want my attention. Not to mention, I do sometimes get selfish about my time and am apt to follow my own agenda when really I need to be more involved and more responsive to the children. I am a work in progress on this score, so I’m preaching to myself here, too. Every day I try my best…and some days are better than others. However, I’m always willing to confess my shortcomings when they are evident, and make sure that my kids know that I am working on truly being “loving” of them in the way that God wants me to.

Children need to know that they are loved, and our actions truly do speak louder than our words. I’m sure I’m not the only Mom who is glad to let my kids go run around in the yard for an hour or so in the afternoon; the quiet in the house is sooo nice! On the other hand, sometimes I rush them out and I know that they probably get the impression that I really don’t want them inside with me! However, that’s the exact opposite of what the Lord wants me to convey to my kids. He wants me to let them know that they are always welcome to be a part of whatever I am doing. And occasionally I need to be involved in what they are doing—I want to show them that I enjoy being a part of their world. My husband is better at this than I am; he’s the “fun guy” and I suppose I am more functional. So I really have to play doll house with my girls “on purpose” and look and listen when my boys are telling me about their latest project (even if, just maybe, they know more about electrical wiring than I do!)

Displays of affection are never out of place, from a pat on the back to a ruffling of hair or of course a hug and kiss. A private wink at just the right time always is sure to return a smile, and your own smile is a sure way to let your kids know you love them.

But of course we need to use words, too. I try to tell my kids that I love them often and remind them of reasons why they are special to me. They also need to know that God made them as unique individuals and has a special plan and purpose for them. Most importantly, we can remind them of God’s love by pointing them back to the reality and truth of the Gospel and that, “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Encouragement: To pick on myself here again, I am one of those people who has a tendency to be critical…you know, glass half-empty. That’s just one more thing that I constantly try to be aware of and improve upon. Instead of focusing on what the children “didn’t” do, or pick out the ways they fell short (whether in their attitudes and behaviors, school work, or quality of work during their daily chores), I purpose to point out where they did well and what they have done that has been pleasing to God.

As well, I try to encourage them in the Biblical sense, according to Hebrews 3:13. We are told to “encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” I believe that one of our most important roles as parents is to exhort our children with God’s Word and show them how to live, both by our words and our best example, so that they will go forward in their walk with God and not be easily entangled by sin.

In our home, we also encourage our children to encourage each other. When one of the children makes a disparaging remark about another, like, “You didn’t do a very good job cleaning up your room,” we’ll intervene and say, “You know what, God wants us to encourage each other. Your brother did his best work but of course he is younger than you, so it might not be the same as what you are capable of. So instead, why don’t you say, ‘Hey, you worked really hard. You only missed a couple of things—let me help you finish up!’” This process often takes a lot of consistent modeling and encouragement on our part, but it is always nice to hear the children lifting each other up and complimenting each other because we have made that consistent investment of time in character training.

Attention: Sometimes it’s hard to give my children individual attention, since life gets busy and there are many of them. However, it is important! Even if I am in the midst of schooling the older children, I try to keep my little ones accessible so that they know I am “there” for them. Even if I’m technically doing something else, visual attention helps, as well as the ability to provide immediate direction (or re-direction) as needed.

I make sure to look at my children when they are talking to me…although I’m sure there are times when I’m guilty of absently replying, “uh-huh…” as I continue what I was doing, totally oblivious to what they’ve said. It also makes them feel valued when I ask questions about what they’ve said or show excitement by sharing their news with someone else in the family.

We try to make sure we do things individually with each child as well, though it doesn’t happen as often as we would like. Sometimes it’s just simple things, like playing a game of tic-tac-toe or checkers, snuggling on the couch with a book, or having one of the children be my meal-preparation helper so we can talk while we work.

The most important thing I need to keep in mind when it comes to giving my kids adequate attention is just to try to enjoy everyday moments with them. Sometimes it’s easy to get in the mode of “managing” rather than “ministering” to their needs, so I try to make sure to maintain eye contact, smile more frequently, make time for conversation, and look for opportunities to connect with the children no matter what we are doing. It’s okay that life is busy sometimes, as long as we are busy together. I find that it’s when I try to distract the kids with a video too many, or send them off to play by themselves for too long, that they seek attention through misbehavior. I think often of the proverb, “A child left to himself disgraces his mother.” Unfortunately, it’s true! However, proactively giving our kids the attention they need helps keep everybody on the right track.

Nurture: It’s hard to talk about nurture without reiterating some of what has been said already. However, nurture is slightly different. Dictionary.com defines nurture as “to feed and protect,” as well as “to bring up; train; educate.” So for me, nurture has two distinct elements. One is to make sure that my children’s physical needs are met. My little ones get small snacks mid-morning and mid-afternoon even if the older kids no longer need them. I offer water or watered-down juice regularly for proper hydration, try to balance quiet and active times, insure that the little ones get their afternoon naps, and make sure that everyone gets a good nights’ sleep.

Beyond that, spiritual nurture is key. We consistently bring God’s Word into our family’s everyday experiences and try to model living a life that is pleasing to God. When we fall short (which we often do), we admit that with all humility and point our children once again to Jesus, who will never let us down. We are faithful to our twice-daily family devotions and make sure that the kids have their individual quiet times as well. Although these “doings” don’t guarantee that we will all “be” the people that God wants us to be, we believe that we are laying important foundations and developing habits that will lead to godliness, as God works in our children’s hearts to help them desire and seek after Him.

These thoughts most certainly reflect things that you already know; but, again, we all (myself included!) only benefit from an occasional reminder. Our children, and their eternal walk with the Lord, are too important for us to drop the ball in these vital areas. We as parents have moments of disobedience, moments of selfishness, and times when we get discouraged and want to give up. However, we need to press on in this vital calling that God has placed before us. With that in mind, consider how you can help your children LEAN on you today, by providing them with the Love, Encouragement, Attention, and Nurture that they need.

relevance

valuesdr

I received a great article on relevance and ministry. This was my comment to the article.

We struggle to become culturally relevant with the noble intent to reach more folks for Christ, yet fail to recognize that Christ and the Apostles never made such attempts. Inasmuch as Christ engages gentiles and Paul “was all things to all people” in efforts to engage the people they ministered to, the practices and standards of the Church were never altered. Paul made clear in his epistles that the practices he modeled and taught were applicable to “all the churches.”

As a result, our noble efforts have completely backfired. Instead of Christ’s Kingdom reshaping our world, the world has reshaped the Church. Look at divorce. When society thought it taboo, the church did too. Now society shifted, we see that divorce rates among professing Christians actually exceed atheists. We also see racism and slavery. The church was re;relative silent on these subjects, lagging behind the world’s condemnation of such ills.

In all these things, our western mindset drives us to plan and institutionalize our way to fix the symptoms (social ills), yet Christ NEVER said to engage the culture in this way. His Kingdom is a different kind of kingdom–one of the heart. His solution was simple–“make disciples teaching them to obey ALL His commands.” He knew the world would be changed if we followed His simple, yet clear instructions. The Church has become IRRELEVANT at impacting our society because of our basic disobedience. If we would do what He said, and not focus on the myriad of attempts to solve society’s problems our own way, we would have the impact we all so desire. Yet in our pride and arrogance (again, with noble intent), we think we know better than our King. I pray we repent and return to the simplicity of the Lord’s teachings so that we can become as relevant as the early church was–the few folks without money, buildings, seminary training, and our deep theology, completely turned their world upside down.

 

Our Kids aren’t Perfect…but, they’re (almost) Normal

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Before I get to my thoughts, I want to remind you to comment for your chance to win a copy of Jill Savage’s “Real Moms, Real Jesus.” I’ll be closing comments later tonight. 🙂

Now, my thoughts…

Are you like me–do you sometimes (maybe too often?) wish that your kids were “perfect”? You know, like other people’s kids? Sometimes I think that if we’re doing it “right,” our kids are gonna look like the Duggars. Neat, clean, and even well-pressed; each one playing an instrument; great school routine; picture-perfect family relationships. I know that even THEY aren’t always like that, but that’s how they are in my head. Or what about Mike and Debi Pearl’s kids, when they were little? I can only imagine that if one of them jumped out of a half-rolled-down car window on command, they were pretty obedient. Although I would love to believe that my kids would do that, most days I’m not so sure. And frankly, having these thoughts in my head as comparisons gets me in trouble more often than I’d like to admit.

We all know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. Unfortunately, it’s pretty hard “not” to, sometimes. And other times, it’s not the comparison factor that bothers me, it’s just the fact that MY life would be “easier” if my children were perfect. If they did everything I said, right when I said it, with a cheerful attitude, ALL THE TIME. I could actually keep going with my schedule and my plans–without those seemingly constant interruptions for encouragement, correction, discipline, and discipleship in the Word.

But having a picture-perfect life (even for my own convenience, which I admit is really appealing), has one problem–at least only one that I can see. The Bible tells us that it is through trials that we are made perfect in Christ. We mature through testing and draw closer to God in our imperfections. We become aware more and more of our need for His grace, we rely on His love, we look for His leading. In having those “perfect” kids that I sometimes want, I (and they) would miss out on “working out our salvation with fear and trembling.” (Sigh.) It’s worth it, isn’t it??

Last night we got together with a couple from our fellowship who have grandchildren slightly younger than our own kids. The husband made a comment that I’ve been thinking about all day…something like, our kids are just like their grandkids, and other kids in general. (I could only assume he was referring to…lots of energy, oftentimes loud, busy all the time, sometimes foolish…?) BUT with one difference–that when our kids are told to stop doing something, they stop. When they are asked to do something, they do it.

Sometimes “I” don’t see that. I feel like I’m more inconsistent than I’d like to be, and I suppose my expectations of my children are sometimes unrealistic. So it was nice to get a confirmation that we’re on the right track. And in the final analysis, I think I am glad that other people don’t see our kids as being “perfect.” ‘Cause if they were, I think we would all be missing out. I’m glad that we’re all “real people,” following Jesus together. And I’m glad today for His grace for those those times when none of us are “perfect.”

"You’re Not Super Woman!" (But Super Mom Helps)

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I remember, about a year and a half ago now, going to an evening service at a local church where an evangelist was preaching and praying for folks. I went with four of my children–including the baby (leaving the two middlers at home with Grandpa). The service started at 7:00, and since the children are usually in bed by 8:00 or 8:30, I wasn’t sure how long we’d last–especially with the whole “sitting in church” thing. They are pretty well-practiced in this area, so I wasn’t sweating it, but knowing how late these types of services can go, I didn’t want to have to leave “too” early.

Well, to my surprise we made it until 10 PM before the baby started fussing and I guessed that was our cue. The preaching was still going strong and the prayer part had hardly even started. Even so, I started to sneak out the back door–but not before an acquaintance of mine got the ear of the preacher and insisted that he pray for me before we all left.

He spoke many words that were like hitting a nail on the head at that point in my life, but this is what I clearly remember, even now:

You’re not Super Woman.

You’re not a super wife.

You’re not a super mother.

But you’re doing the very best you can. And what you can’t do, God can.

Though those beginning words certainly carry the power to discourage (because who doesn’t want to be a super wife and mother?!), it is the closing that I cling to. God knows that daily I DO try to do my very best, and I try to keep in step with the Spirit so that I’m doing the things that He wants, not just operating according to how I feel or what I think. And if I am confident in nothing else, I do know that God will step in where I leave off and do what I cannot.

Granted, some days are better than others. Lately, I’ve been operating in the flesh much more than I would like–but I am more than aware of the battle and God is amazingly faithful to keep me on the right track even though I would stubbornly insist on veering off. I’m officially in my third trimester…getting bigger, getting tired. Any other moms with me on wishing for a FULL NIGHT’S SLEEP?!

Frankly, this morning I was on the edge of irritability. Tired doesn’t even express how I was feeling, and my emotions are usually quite uncooperative in such cases. But I made it through the morning quite well, in spite of how I felt. (Praise God!) At such times I always have to cooperate “on purpose” with some of the practical things that I know will help–like eating a healthy breakfast, drinking plenty of water, TAKING MY VITAMINS, and so on. (These are things that I talk about at length in the audio seminar package, Defeating Depression: Cooperating with God to Experience Victory over Negative Emotions.)

Today I experienced such a lift after taking my Beeyoutiful Super Mom vitamins, and a couple of Bee Strong capsules, that I really wanted to share the benefits with you! Beeyoutiful sells a whole host of natural products that are designed to keep you healthy and help you experience God’s best. I try to be regular with my vitamins–and certainly notice when I DON’T take them. While I don’t take Bee Strong regularly, it sure does seem to give me an extra boost of energy on days like today when I’m dragging.

We are able to get ANY Beeyoutiful products at a re-seller/distributor discount, and we pass along those savings to YOU by offering 15% off on ALL Beeyoutiful items. At one point we had several items regularly in stock and shipped from here; however, I have found it hard to keep multiple items in stock (due to the investment cost) since Marc was laid off in November. SO, we’ve been doing “custom orders” and these have really been growing in popularity.

Basically, folks “shop” at Beeyoutiful.com, then email me with the items that they would like to order. I send out a Pay Pal invoice which reflects 15% off all items, plus shipping. I place the order once the invoice is paid. I usually receive orders here within 3-4 days, then re-package and re-ship…so a turn-around on a custom order is usually 2 weeks or less. Thus far it has been win-win for everyone!

So…since my Beeyoutiful products have been such a blessing to me today, I wanted to bless YOU! Everyone who places a custom order of OVER $50 between today (Friday, Feb. 27) and Sunday (March 1) will not only get our usual 15% off prices (which is a great deal no matter how you look at it!) but will also be entered to win one of TWO FREE Beeyoutiful products: a bottle of Bee Strong (a $13 value) OR a bottle of peppermint essential oil (a $7.00 value), both randomly selected.

Just go to Beeyoutiful.com to shop, then drop me an email telling me what you’d like [sales (at) valuesdrivenfamily (dot) com]. I’ll send you an invoice with your total; I’ll be placing a bulk distributor order on Monday morning, and you should have your products within about a week and a half!

Here’s hoping you have a physically and spiritually healthy day! 🙂

Update on Marc’s Trip to Kenya

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Marc has been gone for a week to Kenya–it’s gone by fast so far but now I think time is starting to slow down a bit as we wait for him to come home. 🙂

I had planned on having my sister out to visit from CT for a few days while Marc was away, but (SURPRISE!!) my Mom came, too! It was great to see them, but their visit went by quickly. And, unfortunately, we passed a stomach virus around during the short time they were here. They treated us to several meals out to eat, which was a real blessing, and came with birthday money for the kids from various relatives…so of course we went shopping. It was a whirlwind few days…now we are settling back into our normal routines this week.

Fortunately, Marc has been able to call frequently (although I’m not sure what our phone bill will look like!). His stay in Nairobi was really anointed. He did leadership training for the network of pastors there, which went very well, and then did a marriage and family seminar which was also well-received. God really did some amazing things during the Sunday service, though, and he is really excited about all of it!

He also visited the ministry orphanage in the slums of Nairobi, which was a very sobering experience. There is a big difference between their standard of living and ours, although Marc remains convinced that in many ways, they are better off there than we are here.

Now he is out in a more rural area ministering to a different network of churches, but also doing the leadership training and marriage and family seminar(s). I think he has fallen in love with Kenya! Hopefully he will post some more details when he returns.