Author: valuesdr

How do you Like Being in Charge?

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Our thirteen year-old son has long been given responsibility beyond his chronological age, because he’s always proved to have the ability to handle it. He’s taken on advanced projects of all sorts, interacted with a variety of people, and successfully navigated his way through potentially challenging situations. His Dad has had never had any doubt about leaving his oldest son “in charge” when he’s gone away for work or on-mission. This week was no exception, except that things were a little more involved this time around.

We were in the middle of trying to salvage a botched bore hole and well-development project. The man we’d hired to take the job was a known drinker but no one who recommended him to us bothered to tell us that part; perhaps they didn’t feel it relevant. After all, he had the knowledge and experience to successfully complete the project. They were apparently unaware that we put integrity first.

The man had quite an interesting personality as well–as best we could describe it, it’s “intense.” He also seemed to prefer talking to working and, being the man in charge of the project (with two others working alongside of him), it seemed as if the other two guys spent a lot more time digging and hauling dirt from the bore hole than he did.

We were also overseeing a repair to our chimney, which resulted from a bad concrete job when it was installed. Unbeknownst to us, the man we hired to do the work was the one who originally messed it up in the first place.

Then there were the cultural differences to navigate: they asked for food at lunch time, even though all of them live within walking distance. Was that normal, or were they just taking advantage of the mzungu? OK, and in America a work day is 8 hours; here it’s apparently 6 or 7 or however long they feel like working. Finally, the matter of paying in advance of the actual labor being completed, because there are doctor/hospital bills to be paid for sick children,…and so on.  And don’t forget, another frustration in all of this is the language barrier–our Swahili is still limited, as is their English, so that’s been an impediment to progress as well. All little matters needing oversight and attention.

Marc had been dealing with all of this, with no small stress, when mid-week came and he had to go off on-mission for training. He made sure our son understood his plan for the well development, told the head worker that, yes, our 13 year-old would be supervising the work, and…off he went.

Our boy spent about two-thirds of yesterday dealing with people conflicts and getting dirty helping with the labor just to keep the guys on-task. We all had lunch at 12:30, and…he tried. As he dealt with distraction after distraction, I heated up his favorite cream of tomato soup about three different times, and he finally got to choke it down at about 2:30 while he was “organizing” to get a load of sand delivered for the chimney repair.

As he sat down to some luke-warm soup, I asked him casually, “How do you like being in charge?” As one who usually likes being the top-dog among his siblings, I was kind of curious how he would respond. He shook his head emphatically and said, “I don’t like it!” He expounded on how much easier it would be if people would just do their jobs and how frustrating it was to work so hard and barely get to eat lunch when everyone else was already done, and…he hadn’t yet had a bit of free time!

I hear ya, son…welcome to adulthood.

 

Expectations

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Lately I find that I have been battling against other people’s expectations. Sometimes I remain confident in what I’m doing, and in other moments I wonder if I need to adjust.

There’s the homeschooling expectations, which are residual from being in America. When we began the huge task of packing, housecleaning, and moving to Africa (not to mention the transition of the move itself), we only “officially” took about two weeks off of schooling, but we were pretty hit-or-miss when we did do academics. We consistently did math and language arts daily, but electives were…elective. Even now that we’ve been in Africa for just over three months, we have not done as much as I would normally expect for a day of schooling. It seems our day’s work is such “work” that schooling is secondary. I still consider it a day if we just accomplish language arts and math. I’m feeling slightly guilty about that, but…that’s been life. Frankly, I think moving to Africa, learning about a whole new culture and way of life, geography, language, and so on, is plenty of “social studies” for now.  Music and art have been virtually non-existent, with craft items in short supply (or unavailable) here, all of our books still in transit in a crate, and our Internet a challenge to use even for email, never mind surfing or video-watching (which is how we often integrated the arts into our school day). So, the expectation battles the reality.

Let’s move on to the garden…

We arrived right in time for planting season (which was a consideration in our plan, actually) but we discovered that without many of our American conveniences (such as rototillers, long-handled hoes, and so on) farming is hard work. Not to mention, we had to learn about a whole new way of doing things (what to plant when, what fertilizers to use, and what needs to be started in beds and transplanted). The learning curve is huge and Marc has been so busy and away so much that we’ve out-sourced a lot of the work (i.e., we’ve paid locals to do it). Not what we expected, but that’s been the reality. My challenge has been that here the work of farming is relegated to women–they are out in the fields hoeing, seeding, and weeding IN ADDITION TO doing wash, keeping house, and feeding the family. It’s a lot of work. I feel that many days I barely accomplish the necessities; gardening as well?? Not a chance! (Not to mention that Marc has always been much more gifted in that area anyway–I have a “black thumb.”) So when we’re hiring a local woman to till our garden, which she does in addition to her own and everything else, with her 13-month old daughter playing in the dirt beside her…I feel slightly guilty and inadequate.

And shopping?

That’s something else that a woman here accomplishes with ease, no matter how far the walk to market or how many children she has. Thing is, homeschooling is unheard of here, so a woman has her independence all day while her children are at school, to accomplish whatever needs to be done. And even if the children are at home, there’s not a thought in her mind against leaving them to fend for themselves while she attends to immediate needs like food-fetching. We have no one that we would leave our children with, nor do we necessarily feel comfortable with leaving all eight of them home alone (for various reasons). Not to mention, it would take me some time to feel confident about traveling into town and shopping solo, anyway. For all these reasons, Marc usually picks up a few things when he goes into town for other reasons, or the boys bike to market and get some stuff. Before we felt comfortable allowing the boys to go on their own, we were paying our neighbor, Jane, to do the shopping for us. This is yet another area where I know that the locals have certain expectations about how things are done, and we’re just not the norm. And again, I feel slightly inadequate. Just being real here, folks–sometimes I just feel like a spoiled mzungu.

But what they don’t see is that I am usually up at 3:30 or 4:00 to feed the baby and have my quiet time (which is, quite frankly, the most important item on my “to-do” list). By 6:00 I’m dressed and ready to meet the day, having started the laundry and made sure we have something for breakfast. I get everyone going and we have our family devotions. Then we do our morning jobs (which require a lot of “management” on my part) so I might just be hanging out my wash at 10 AM, while the mamas next door have already put theirs out at 8:00. Makes me look lazy, but I feel anything but. The rest of the day is spent overseeing whatever we do manage to accomplish for schooling, doing the housekeeping (which has developed into an OK routine), visiting with unexpected guests, and working to prepare our daily bread. I don’t know how these African women “do it all,” but they  do!

I’m quite sure all the folks here have certain expectations of how things should be and what we should be doing, and lately I’ve been catching myself frequently wondering how we measure up. Then I have to remind myself that it doesn’t really matter. Other people’s expectations never really matter–only our faithfulness to what God has asked us to do. And on that score, I guess we’re doing just fine. So I’ve gotta keep pressing on, remembering that that is the most important thing.

 

Africa Missions and Web site Updates

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Many of you who have appreciated our Values-Driven ministry to families have also followed us on our journey to Africa. We have been very blessed by your encouragement and especially by your prayer support. Things have been quiet here on our family blog, as our interests have been very focused on Africa missions. I (Cindy) have been busy at home while Marc has been traveling for a good portion of the past five or six weeks. When Marc has been home, he has been busy developing a simple tract and teaching video that he (and others) can leverage on the mission field. He has made many copies of the tract in both English and Swahili and they are already receiving favorable reports. We are excited to have such a simple (and inexpensive) way to share the Gospel of the Kingdom!

You can see the video here, and feel free to download the free tracts on the Kingdom-Driven Ministries Web site.

Our First “Self-Sufficiency” Day

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Marc and I have noticed that here in Kenya, children are very often left to themselves. Usually, this is by necessity, because work for daily bread (whether working in the fields and at home, or wage-earning work, when it is available) is typically so demanding that parents aren’t left with much choice. In America, we took things for granted, like having a vehicle to hop into and a supermarket a short trip away. Here, you walk. Sometimes far. We always chuckle when we ask Jane how far away a particular destination is. She often shrugs and says, “Not far.” But it could be several kilometers–“not far,” indeed! We don’t leave our children home alone, but a single mother with few resources (or mom at home with Dad at work) sometimes has little choice.

When Marc went to Nairobi with our 10 year-old son a couple of weeks ago, he came back more than once to the house where he was staying to find the three children (ages 9 and under) home alone. He remarked that they were very well-behaved: no bickering, faithful behaviors (for the most part), and younger children who respected the authority of their older siblings in the parents’ stead.

We agreed, this would probably not be the case if we left all of our children home alone. My 10 year-old noted, “Well, they probably didn’t bicker because they had no toys to fight over.” Good point. As well, I don’t think our children have had enough opportunity to prove themselves responsible in taking care of their own needs for any extended period of time. They’ve only been apart from both of us a handful of times (usually when we go out to dinner to celebrate a birthday or anniversary), and the longest has been for the weekend, when they stayed with some friends of ours. Although we teach and train them in all things vital to home management, and they generally know our routines and expectations, they certainly derive a level of comfort in having an adult to fall back on. Unfortunately, I was sure that if left to their own devices, there are some things that they take for granted that would fall through the cracks.

So, with Marc and our oldest (a take-charge kinda kid) off to Nairobi for a few days, I decided to call a “Self-Sufficiency Day” for the rest of our crew, with the 10 year-old in charge. I thought it would be a good exercise for all of them. We went over the expectations, and I even wrote them on the chalkboard for reference. Things like:

  • Do it God’s Way! Love and serve one another. Please God with your attitude and your behavior.
  • Keep yourselves clean (hair, faces, feet, teeth) and LOOK AROUND to see what needs to be picked up around the house.
  • Remember to change the baby’s diaper.
  • Big kids, supervise little kids even if you are doing something else. Little kids, respect the authority of your older brothers and sisters.

And so on. They knew they would be responsible for their school work as well as home management, child care, and meal preparation. I would be closed in my bedroom and only available to receive meals or to feed the baby. (I also came out a couple of times to hook up the laptop and charge it on the inverter, but I told them to pretend I wasn’t there.)

My ten year-old spent part of the day before planning out AM and PM jobs for all the children, as well as meals. I have to admit, his choices were a little starchy (mandazi and tea for breakfast, beef broth with rice for lunch, and pasta for supper along with fried bananas and honey for dessert); however, I’m not sure how much better I would have done. The only fruit in the house was bananas and tomatoes. What can I say? We need to go to market! (That’s tomorrow…)

The morning went very well. My ten year-old kept everyone on-track and motivated in a very encouraging way. My oldest daughters teamed up to care for  the littles and did a super job, even when multi-tasking  to do their school work. My seven year-old did an admirable job with the laundry. (The only thing I had to return to the wash pile was a pair of jeans that needed a lot more elbow grease than she could muster. Ahhh, those boys of mine!)

The afternoon left something to be desired. The in-charge ten year-old got caught up in reading a new Thornton W. Burgess book that I had downloaded on the Kindle and before he knew it, it was 4:00 and everyone had far over-shot their afternoon “Free Time.” I actually had to prod them to move on with their afternoon responsibilities (including finishing their school work), which was a bit disappointing. I wondered what would have happened if I had not intervened? I guess I didn’t want to find out! However, after the reminder, things slipped back into gear. Jobs got done, supper got started, and school assignments got wrapped up.

I had given my 10 year-old a budget for the day of 200 shillings (roughly the equivalent of $2 and change, which buys quite a bit here). That would cover any supplies that we unexpectedly ran short of (such as laundry soap) or he could use it for some limited food items that could be purchased at the little shop/restaurant across the street (mostly staples like flour, oil, etc.). He considered buying the favorite “mandazi” from the restaurant at 50 shillings per bag of ten (and we’d need at least two bags); however, he did the math and realized that making them was much cheaper (and the recipe made a lot more–about 50!), so he was excited to make them himself. He ended up spending 18 shillings for 6 beef cubes, which he used to make broth for the lunch time rice, and he got a bag of sugar for 65 shillings to replenish our supply. Also, he ordered a litre of milk for 35 shillings to have tea for the next day. All in all, a total of 118 shillings spent for the day. Not bad. I had to chuckle, though, when I overheard him preparing breakfast in front of an audience of little people saying, “It’s almost ready! This is just taking a little longer than I thought!”

I sat down for supper with the crew and asked for their reactions. Over all, everyone was pleased with the day, though they admitted it was hard work.  Since this was the kids’ first “solo” day, I had made some suggestions for AM and PM jobs, but I’m hoping that after some repeats of this type of training they will be on the lookout for what needs to be done and will need less direction. A good first stab at self-sufficiency. We’ll keep practicing. My 9 year-old daughter can’t wait for the day she’s “in charge.” She’s pretty sure she can handle it.

 

“What Wouldn’t you Trade?”

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We had a fun conversation during/after our family devotions last night. My 10 year-old son mentioned that his older brother would really love a used engine (of course, as we’ve all been privy to his recent designs to make his own motorized bicycle). He said that his brother told him, “I wouldn’t trade a used engine for 500 pizzas or a chocolate bar the size of the table and 1/2″ thick!” (Because you know that pizzas and chocolate are valuable currency.) Jonah laughed and said, “I would definitely trade an engine for a huge slab of chocolate!” So I said, “Well, what wouldn’t you trade?” And I knew his answer: a chameleon, of course.

So we all took turns saying what we wouldn’t trade; it was interesting to hear what each of the children thought was so special that they wouldn’t give it up, even for something of perceived greater value.

“’The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” (Matthew 13:44)

 

 

You Might be a Kenyan if…

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…you use your cell phone as a flashlight during a middle-of-the-night trip to the outhouse

…a 5-liter kerosene container gets rinsed out and re-used as a water jug

…you carry gasoline in a plastic bag

…you are one of 5 people on a motor bike, along with a propane tank

…a motor bike can transport a complete living room set from point A to point B

…you put kerosene on your cat to rid it of fleas

…the medicine you get from the local chemist is labeled as a known carcinogen and is not available in the US

…you think that chewing sugar cane is a reasonable substitute for tooth-brushing

…you start looking for a hat and jacket when the temperature drops to 70 degrees

…you’ve never eaten cheese, chocolate, pizza, spaghetti, ice cream, or ground beef

…tea made with water is totally distasteful (because everyone knows that tea is made with milk!)

…cleaning the toilet consists of dumping a 5-gallon bucket of water into the potty area and letting it rinse down the hole

…a meal just isn’t a meal without ugali

 

 

 

Will Work for Food

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Although it’s not my favorite task, I manage to keep up with our daily laundry and do an OK job of it. Sure, sometimes there are still stains here and there, but often it’s more important to invest my time in other things than to spend an extra hour perfecting clean clothes. After all, clean is relative. However, during the few days when we had our short-term missions team here at the house, I knew it would be too much unless I had help. So I out-sourced my laundry to a couple of ladies in the neighborhood. Frankly, it was a nice change of pace. But when it was time to get back in the saddle this Monday, I rolled up my sleeves early in the morning and got ready to work.

I was surprised to hear a knock at the door and see a familiar face–one of the ladies who had helped me out the week before. Her husband has no work and has been away for about a month looking for something to help support his wife and five children at home. Unfortunately, he has been largely unsuccessful. I was glad to have given her some work, as it was indeed a mutual blessing.

She asked me if I had anything for her to do, and I indicated that it was time for me to get back to doing my own wash. She looked disappointed and said, “But we have no food. I will work for food. Can you help?” So I let her do my wash and gave her enough food for the day. The next day, the same.  Not because I can’t do my own laundry (in fact, part of me feels guilty for letting her do it!) but because if I don’t give her work, she likely won’t eat. Missing meals is par for the course for many in this area. Often the only meal is a supper of ugali after a hard day’s work.

Jesus told us to pray, “Give us this day our daily bread.” It is sobering indeed to see how true this is for the folks in our community. Though we’ve historically been careful with our food budget and increasingly simplified in that area, we’ve never been wanting. We’ve always bought in bulk in order to save money. Here, “bulk” is almost non-existent. Instead, quantities are often single-serving in order to minimize expense and allow people to get what they need for one day or one meal. Truly, something we’ve never had to experience and just another example of how blessed…spoiled…we’ve been. Though I can’t say I would like the insecurity of living hand-to-mouth, I’m equally sure that there is blessing to be found in trusting in God to indeed provide our daily bread.

“…and great was its fall”

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Last week Marc was in Nairobi with some folks who are here for a short-term missions trip. He wasn’t even gone a day before the excitement began. On Monday night the torrential rains arrived, and although I really like rain at night, I was kinda scared. Even so, I was glad to know that our water storage tank was filling up (see photo here). But when I heard a crash outside my window at 4 AM, I knew it couldn’t be good.

When the tank was installed, Marc (who is a pretty good engineer) expressed concern that the platform was being build directly on the dirt. Of course, it should have concrete footings, right? But he was assured, no, it would be fine. Not being familiar with the soils here and how things are normally done, the work proceeded. And here is what happened:

I was reminded of Jesus’ teaching:

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall.”

Matthew 7:24-27

It was comforting to hear a giant crash outside my window, look outside, and almost immediately see flashlights peering into our yard from two of our neighbors, who wanted to make sure all was well. Then we began to hear whistling along the path out front (folks walking by and getting each others’ attention) with a flurry of muted conversation including just a few words I recognized: maji (water), pipa (tank) and of course, wazungu (white people). Even though it was pitch black outside still, we were already the talk of the community.

As soon as I stepped outside in the morning (around 6:30 when it got light enough), our neighbor arrived and asked how he could be of service in remedying the problem, since Mr. Marc was not at home. Of course, I had already talked to Marc and had some marching orders so we made a plan of action. Isaiah, who had helped his dad with all the phases of the installation project and is a pretty take-charge kind of kid (even at almost-13) was also involved.

Later in the morning, our neighbor returned and said he could not find a direct replacement tank; only 1,000 L (too small) or 2,300 L (too large) were available. Isaiah went with him into town to do some shopping, confident that he would be able to acquire the 1,500 L at a decent price. And he did. Meanwhile, our other neighbor and his brother were busy digging in preparation for putting down a pad for the re-build.

By the second day the concrete was dry, the gutters repaired where needed, and the tank replaced. However, it was raining too hard to get it fully functional, so it was left for the third day. Unfortunately, we didn’t get enough rain once it was set up to get water but our neighbors invited us to fill up from their rainwater collection. Very important, as by weeks’ end the short-term missions group had arrived and our water needs were multiplying. Praise God we’ve got everything up and running!

Photo Update

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I thought the bugs were bad before, but with the rainy season upon us, more critters are getting flooded out of their homes and seeking shelter indoors. Think beetles, winged termites, and yet another variety of ants. As soon as we turn the lights on in the evening, there they are, en masse. Even my 10 year-old critter lover was heard to comment, “This is just too many bugs!” But he was thrilled to have one of the girls stumble upon this one morning:

On Friday, our neighbor (who is a single guy living in a stick-and-mud hut about the size of our bathroom) noticed that the rains were causing his walls to cave in. Early in the morning, we heard him removing his metal roof so Marc and the boys went over to see what they could do to help. They donated some tools and nails and went to work smashing the walls and clearing the area. Here they are at break time:

By the end of the day, the house was demolished and the re-build was begun.

Recently Isaiah went to market with Jane.  I asked him to bring me home a small bar of chocolate and gave him permission to get a little treat for the children as well. He decided on a big block of molasses/sugar candy, which was a big hit and also a bit messy. Here’s Enoch with Jane, enjoying his first taste of the sweet stuff:

And finally, we introduce you to Paka (which means “Cat” in Swahili). She is a great lap cat and a good mouser, so everyone loves her. Enoch is her favorite, which is certainly odd. He seeks her out specifically to pull her fur and whiskers mercilessly. Yet she approaches him for attention and even purrs while he tugs on her. Here is a photo of Enoch hugging Paka while he is nursing–it was a very cute moment:

 

Whatever is Praiseworthy…

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Every day I expect to do at least two loads of laundry–one mixed, cold water wash and one hot water wash of diapers. Sometimes, like today, I have to do a third load. When that happens, I’ve been known to get a little irritable. Not just because I’m doing a third load of laundry, but because I’ve been up since the baby’s early morning feeding at 4 AM, don’t have breakfast ready yet and am hearing nothing but “What’s for breakfast?”, “What are we having to eat?”, “When are we eating?” and so on, from plus or minus seven children in turn. Not to mention that as I’m scrubbing over the tub, everyone has already gotten water or finished their morning jobs and really needs some direction in at least starting their school work, which I don’t really want to take a break to provide. Because if I don’t get the laundry done it won’t get hung out in time to dry before the afternoon rains come. And that would be terrible, seeing as how I really only have enough cloth diapers to get me through ONE DAY. (“Give us this day our daily bread…” or clean diapers, as the case may be?)

So. When I have a third load of laundry to do, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But it’s not all about the laundry. I’m sure you can relate.

Today, the baby woke up with a total diaper blow out, which necessitated changing the blankets in the Pack & Play. My four year-old decided to have another go-round with the amoebas and threw up all over himself and the couch, too. So not only did the third load of laundry come into play but also I felt bad for the sick littles on top of it all. However, there was much to be thankful for in this morning as well…

A nine year-old who is happy to read and “do school” with her four year-old brother. A baby who is content to play with a cooking stick instead of trying to drink my wash water with his fist (like usual). A seven year-old breakfast-preparing helper. TWO clothes lines to keep up with the demand in clean laundry.  AND, a new gutter system and holding tank which, coupled with the afternoon rains, means many fewer trips to the spring to collect water!

A verse we’ve all probably memorized or meditated on in this regard is Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” I have to remind myself, though, that thankfulness isn’t just about enjoying good circumstances. That’s a lesson that keeps repeating itself lately. It’s necessary to be thankful for the good, but even more important to praise God for the not-so-good, too. His ways are higher than our ways, and He works all things for our good and His glory–even if we don’t see it as we go through it.

Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the LORD,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.

Habakkuk 3:17-19