Category: Lessons from the Lord

Necessary Corrections

valuesdr

I just noticed yesterday that my 7 year-old daughter writes some of her letters totally the wrong way–from the bottom UP, instead of from the top DOWN. Of course, when she began to be interested in writing, I taught her the proper method, but then got busy with teaching my 5 year-old to read…and then of course there are all the littles, and the older kids with their academics. Life is busy, and so after a good start in writing she went on auto-pilot. Unfortunately, she ended up developing this bad habit, probably just because it was easier for her.

She’s had such neat handwriting that I never thought to pay overly much attention to the way she was forming her letters…after all, I’d given her the basics in instruction and so I assumed all was well. But, after realizing yesterday that her technique is a bit “off” (particularly for the upcoming transition to cursive writing), I had to go back and re-teach her how to print some of her letters. A necessary discipline, though the reason is not because her writing is “wrong,”or even messy, but because it will limit her from going forward as we move on to the next stage of handwriting.

Similarly, I love my two year-old’s odd ways of pronouncing words. We all get a chuckle out of him. Especially the time when we were doing “training time” and practicing hand-shaking and introductions. After I introduced myself and put out my hand, the little one grabbed it and said, “My name Micah. Nice to eat you!” Much as I hate to correct some of these little mis-pronunciations, I know that I have to, because eventually his mis-speaking isn’t going to be cute or humorous. And, like the handwriting, the sooner it’s corrected, the easier it will be.

I realized in thinking about these two examples that sometimes the Lord has to correct us in a like manner. Maybe we’re not doing anything “wrong,” but when God looks at his plans for us and our necessary maturation, maybe we’ve got ways of doing things that aren’t conducive to our growth and His glory. Perhaps He just needs to bump us up from “good” to “better” or “best” in the overall scheme of things. But I hope that He looks at us in the same way that I look at my children…appreciating the uniqueness of the stage and the particular ways of doing things, yet patiently pressing on toward the goal.

Self-Will and God’s Will

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I have one daughter who is a bit more willful than the others. Everything she does is done dramatically. Although she is young (age 5), she has a good understanding of who God is, and as much as she understands she does (usually) want to please Him. But sometimes her self-will gets in the way.

I can see that played out in our relationship as well. She has a servant’s heart, this child, and always wants to help me in the kitchen. Wants to take care of her baby sister. But sometimes I see that stubborn self-will in combination with her desire to do good. What she’s “doing” seems right, but her heart, I can tell, is wrong. For example, she’s trying to comfort the baby by holding her but she’s being a bit rougher than she knows she should be. In spite of my encouragement to the contrary, she often treats the baby more like a baby doll and does the things that she wants to rather than the things that would be helpful.

In the kitchen last night…

She asked to help make supper, as usual. I kindly remind her that if she’s going to help, she needs to do the things that are helpful and follow directions. I know, Mom. So I ask her to stir the pot, where I’m dropping in spoonfuls of dough to make dumplings. She does so for a minute, but I can see she really wants to use the scooping tool to drop dough in the water. She tries to grab it out of my hand. I remind her that I really need her to stir the water so the dumplings don’t stick together. I can see by the look on her face that she doesn’t like it.

She asks to put the dough in the pot. I have a decision to make. Do I let her do what she wants (though it is good), or do I (knowing that her heart is being stubbornly self-willed) instead ask her to continue doing what I’ve asked?

This is an impasse we arrive at often, me and this child. Sometimes I give her her way. Unfortunately, I’ve seen that when I do this, she grows more self-willed and later I have to deal with hardness and bad attitudes that are very hard to correct.

So instead, I nip it in the bud. I gently remind her that sometimes we need to do what is needed, rather than what we would prefer. I tell her she is being a great help to me and thank her for what she is doing.

Of course, she’s still not happy. But I hope she’s learning.

And I had many thoughts in prayer over her this morning, about how this little scenario plays out in our relationship with our loving Father as well. We often want to do the things that seem good and right…but they are mixed up with our own self-will and God knows our hearts. Sometimes He doesn’t let us do those things, just because He wants us to learn to surrender to His perfect will rather than obstinately follow after our own. Maybe.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:6-7)

Our Three Pets and a Lesson in Relationship

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We have three pets…and in a middle-of-the-night spiritual revelation of sorts, Marc saw how each of them reflects distinct potential relationships that we human beings can have with our Lord. He told me I should blog about it, so I’ll do my best.

First, there’s Jeeber, a beautiful calico cat who LOVES people and is a sweet lap cat. One problem with Jeeber: lately, she smells. (Remember the song “Smelly Cat” from the show “Friends”? We sing it a lot here. The kids have no clue what we’re talking about. Anyway…)

Jeeber would love nothing more than to sit in Marc’s lap all day. He’s been working on his laptop a lot and she’s constantly approaching him to be pet. More often than not, though, the stench makes him push her away. (Just being real here, folks.) When we have our family devotional time, she tries to jump in his lap, and the same thing happens. Nothing like that kind of interruption to your family devotions.

We’ve tried to remediate the problem by adding some probiotics and chlorophyll to her food. That does seem to help, but we don’t always remember to do it. So, until further notice, this cat who wants nothing more than to bask in our presence is relegated to remote places.

Next up, “Jo’s Cat.” Yes, that’s actually his name. Jo’s cat doesn’t have the smell problem, and he often finds a spot to sleep at the foot of our bed. Marc would really like to pick him up and love on him a little bit. However, when Marc tries to move him up to hold him and fluff him up, Jo’s cat simply extricates himself and moves on–either back to the foot of the bed or into another room. This cat is stubbornly independent.

Finally, there’s our dog, Jireh. She’s your typical dog–she’s being trained to be obedient, and she really wants to obey to please us. She’s still a puppy, though, so sometimes her puppy nature gets the better of her and she doesn’t obey. Even so, she wants to…because she loves us. She is happy to jump on the couch and get pet. She’ll even get in the bed with us if we let her. Everyone knows that dogs are a man’s best friend! But it wouldn’t be the same if she couldn’t be trained to obey some basic commands.

All of which illustrate the potential responses we can have to the Lord:

Jeeber: Love and a desire to commune…but with the stench of sin that makes it impossible for God to tolerate our presence. Easily cleaned up from the inside out, but we have to submit to it and sustain the healthy balance.

Jo’s Cat: Independence. We’ll come close on our terms. Not a bad creature…but missing the desire to draw close. So we remain distant from God.

Jireh: A desire to commune and willing obedience. A winning combination! No, we’re not always perfectly obedient. But we’re constantly working on it, and we’ll receive discipline when it comes because we know it’s for our good, to train us in essential areas.

Of these three, I think that God wants us all to be like dogs. 🙂

Home Management and "Clutter"

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The other day I asked a question to our Facebook group: “What’s your biggest challenge in home management?” I half-expected to hear concerns about frugality, and possibly menu planning/cooking. (Maybe there are women like me who get hung up on dinner because they forget to defrost the meat they planned on using?) However, I was surprised to have almost everyone who responded mention CLUTTER.

Which has me thinking about clutter.

When we were in the midst of moving last Spring (and contemplating a move to Africa as well), we had to deal with the clutter thing in a big way. We went through ALL of our possessions and seriously considered WHAT we needed, and WHAT WE NEEDED IT FOR. Needless to say, much of what we had was superfluous and ended up being sold, given away, or thrown away. (The latter option was the most painful, but when you’re moving to a house half the size of your current one–or smaller–what are you going to do?) However, I’m still not sure we “downsized” as much as we could have.

Since this de-cluttering experience of ours, the Lord has really been changing our hearts about the “things of the world” for which we all seem to have an affinity. What I’ve come to see is that, when it comes to “clutter,” we can’t just attack the “stuff” to get rid of it or not; instead, we really need to do what Marc calls a “Root Cause Analysis” and see what the real problem is when we’re surrounded with lots of “stuff” that fills our homes and our lives.

I think that the root cause is that we, as Americans, are spoiled. Even the least-well-off of us in middle America is frighteningly rich compared to someone in even another well-off area of the world, not to mention those in “third-world” countries. (If you don’t believe me, you will want to check out the book Material World by Peter Menzel. The photographic spread for the possessions of an “average” family in Texas took up two pages, versus less than a quarter-page for a family in Mali. The differences, not only in number of possessions but also quality and utility, are striking when you look at them graphically. Or, look at these photos to compare what we eat compared to people in other parts of the world. It’s disgusting, really.) I’m sure we pay some lip-service to this truth, but we’re typically not convicted enough to do anything about it. The world and the lusts of the flesh are too powerful.

Therein, I believe, lies the problem. Even as Christians, we pander to the world much more than we realize. We’re invited to taste, touch, buy on credit, stockpile, and fulfill our every desire. I’m not sure there’s even a definitive line between needs and wants any more, so much have we become accustomed to the full lifestyles that we enjoy.

Yet more and more, I’m being convicted about what we own, how we use it, what our home looks like, and even the activities we indulge in. I’m asking more questions like,

“Do I really need this?”
“Can I use something else I already have or do without it?”
“If we did not have ‘extra’ money, is this a purchase I would consider?”
“How much is too much?”
“Why do I ‘want’ this?”

And it’s that last question that has really exposed a part of me that I haven’t liked. I do not like the lurking covetousness that’s there, the selfish desires and the unwillingness to let go and give away things that I am attached to. And yet, although books like Intoxicated with Babylon by Steve Gallagher have really given me a different perspective, nothing says it better than the words of Scripture:

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” (1 John 2:15-17)

“You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.“ (James 4:4)

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21)

The hard truth is, I think we (and I do also mean “I” when I say “we”) all, at least on occasion, love the world more than we love God. We’re willing to sacrifice, but only so much. We’re willing to do some things, but only on our own terms. We follow our own plans and ask God to bless them instead of listening for His voice. And of course, His voice is very quiet as we allow it to be drowned out by the world and all with which it tempts us.

So, my “root cause analysis” on clutter is that we simply love the wrong things and aren’t willing to walk in the holiness that is God’s desire for us. We can deal with clutter (get rid of it, or perhaps just organize it better?) but the greater work that God wants to do is to purify our hearts. I, for one, am not perfect in this area, but…I’m listening.

Taking inventory with your eternal security

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I stumbled upon this video on facebook and it really got me thinking. It made me think about how secure I should be about my salvation. It made me consider that my life should reflect Jesus’ character moment by moment. It made me repent for all the false hope I had planted in folks throughout the years through “easy-believism” evangelism methods. Most of all, it made me consider the multitudes of friends and family I have that have misplaced security in their salvation.

It also made me consider my complacency with sharing the truth. I know that hell awaits many of them–yet as the video states, we have a culture that disdains correction. We have a Christian culture that relishes their eternal security when the evidence of faith is lacking. Hell is real, and destruction awaits many unassuming “believers.” They believe with their mouths but deny Him with their lives.

All church-goers are convinced they are going to heaven. Their complicit pastors and other Christian leaders have told them so. Reminds me of the movie Shawshank redemption where everyone is “innocent.” Every inmate held steadfast to their innocence regardless of their guilt.

All cultural “Christians” are convinced they have in their hands the “ticket” that will get them through the gate (the “magic prayer”). However, there will be tremendous remorse when they stand in judgment and realize that the ticket they possess is not accepted.

Scripture tells us to examine ourselves. Please watch this video (in 2 parts) and listen to what it says. It is the truth. Repent and align your life with the Word.

Here is a short video in 2 parts:

Here is a longer video by Paul Washer for those who have time. It’s important enough to “make” the time.

Excuses, Excuses

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We bought a foreclosure a few months ago and invested so much time and effort into fixing it up and cleaning it.

Then, of course, we had to pack and move all of our stuff.

After we had been sort of settled into the new house for about a week, we had a new baby.

When the baby was 4 weeks old, we went on a whirlwind trip back to our hometown in CT (a 16-hour trip with the whole family)…a week of preparation, travel, rushed visiting, and more travel…then another week of unpacking, laundry, van-cleaning, and re-settling at home.

Now, we’re fixing up another recently purchased foreclosure for my father-in-law to live in.

These are just a few of the various excuses I’ve been making over the past couple of months, as I’ve wondered off and on,

“What has happened to our routine?”
“Why is the tone in our home so negative?”
“Why are the children being so argumentative with one another?”

The fact is, life has been busy for us lately. On the plus side, we have managed to remain diligent in work that has needed to be done, and the children have been more than helpful in that regard. We’ve continued to have morning and evening family devotions. We have a day of rest (and fun) together every Saturday. These things are good.

However, aside from the first couple of weeks of this prolonged season (which went remarkably well), I would also say that we have not been proactive about consistently discipling our children in a positive manner. We haven’t been able to maintain our regular routines, I’ve gotten lazy about menu planning and meal preparation (can you say, convenience foods?) and our overall tones of voice have been somewhat abrupt as we go from one project and “to-do” to another. Granted, there were times when I would try to remedy any and all of these deficiencies, but overall we’ve ended up in a pretty low spot.

Generally speaking, the children have been a little more contentious than usual with one another–and we’ve not always taken the time to disciple them in those moments as we should. Attitudes all around haven’t always been the best. We’ve all grown a bit tired of the work and the lack of normalcy. So, though at different points we’ve desired improvement, we shouldn’t be surprised that it hasn’t evidenced itself. Excuses for poor behavior (even sin) have been all too easy to make.

As of late last week, I’ve decided to repent…stop making excuses…and start doing what I know I should be doing. It doesn’t matter that we have new (bad) habits to overcome; I need to return to the good things that we had been doing. Of course, there’s the little matter of self-condemnation that always rears its ugly head at times like this. I need to kick that to the curb, too, in order to move forward in faith.

The lesson? We all have moment-by-moment choices to make in life, no matter what season we’re in. Will we choose to honor God with our words, tones, attitudes, and decisions, or will we choose to indulge in complaining, focus on the negative, and neglect the good we know we should be doing? I am finding that making the right choices is so much easier when I parse life into discrete moments, rather than allowing myself to be overwhelmed by the monumental to-do list, our history, my emotions, or concerns about the future.

What kind of choices are you making right now? What effect do you think those choices will have on your family, on your ministry, and on your walk with the Lord as you go forward?

relevance

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I received a great article on relevance and ministry. This was my comment to the article.

We struggle to become culturally relevant with the noble intent to reach more folks for Christ, yet fail to recognize that Christ and the Apostles never made such attempts. Inasmuch as Christ engages gentiles and Paul “was all things to all people” in efforts to engage the people they ministered to, the practices and standards of the Church were never altered. Paul made clear in his epistles that the practices he modeled and taught were applicable to “all the churches.”

As a result, our noble efforts have completely backfired. Instead of Christ’s Kingdom reshaping our world, the world has reshaped the Church. Look at divorce. When society thought it taboo, the church did too. Now society shifted, we see that divorce rates among professing Christians actually exceed atheists. We also see racism and slavery. The church was re;relative silent on these subjects, lagging behind the world’s condemnation of such ills.

In all these things, our western mindset drives us to plan and institutionalize our way to fix the symptoms (social ills), yet Christ NEVER said to engage the culture in this way. His Kingdom is a different kind of kingdom–one of the heart. His solution was simple–“make disciples teaching them to obey ALL His commands.” He knew the world would be changed if we followed His simple, yet clear instructions. The Church has become IRRELEVANT at impacting our society because of our basic disobedience. If we would do what He said, and not focus on the myriad of attempts to solve society’s problems our own way, we would have the impact we all so desire. Yet in our pride and arrogance (again, with noble intent), we think we know better than our King. I pray we repent and return to the simplicity of the Lord’s teachings so that we can become as relevant as the early church was–the few folks without money, buildings, seminary training, and our deep theology, completely turned their world upside down.

 

"You’re Not Super Woman!" (But Super Mom Helps)

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I remember, about a year and a half ago now, going to an evening service at a local church where an evangelist was preaching and praying for folks. I went with four of my children–including the baby (leaving the two middlers at home with Grandpa). The service started at 7:00, and since the children are usually in bed by 8:00 or 8:30, I wasn’t sure how long we’d last–especially with the whole “sitting in church” thing. They are pretty well-practiced in this area, so I wasn’t sweating it, but knowing how late these types of services can go, I didn’t want to have to leave “too” early.

Well, to my surprise we made it until 10 PM before the baby started fussing and I guessed that was our cue. The preaching was still going strong and the prayer part had hardly even started. Even so, I started to sneak out the back door–but not before an acquaintance of mine got the ear of the preacher and insisted that he pray for me before we all left.

He spoke many words that were like hitting a nail on the head at that point in my life, but this is what I clearly remember, even now:

You’re not Super Woman.

You’re not a super wife.

You’re not a super mother.

But you’re doing the very best you can. And what you can’t do, God can.

Though those beginning words certainly carry the power to discourage (because who doesn’t want to be a super wife and mother?!), it is the closing that I cling to. God knows that daily I DO try to do my very best, and I try to keep in step with the Spirit so that I’m doing the things that He wants, not just operating according to how I feel or what I think. And if I am confident in nothing else, I do know that God will step in where I leave off and do what I cannot.

Granted, some days are better than others. Lately, I’ve been operating in the flesh much more than I would like–but I am more than aware of the battle and God is amazingly faithful to keep me on the right track even though I would stubbornly insist on veering off. I’m officially in my third trimester…getting bigger, getting tired. Any other moms with me on wishing for a FULL NIGHT’S SLEEP?!

Frankly, this morning I was on the edge of irritability. Tired doesn’t even express how I was feeling, and my emotions are usually quite uncooperative in such cases. But I made it through the morning quite well, in spite of how I felt. (Praise God!) At such times I always have to cooperate “on purpose” with some of the practical things that I know will help–like eating a healthy breakfast, drinking plenty of water, TAKING MY VITAMINS, and so on. (These are things that I talk about at length in the audio seminar package, Defeating Depression: Cooperating with God to Experience Victory over Negative Emotions.)

Today I experienced such a lift after taking my Beeyoutiful Super Mom vitamins, and a couple of Bee Strong capsules, that I really wanted to share the benefits with you! Beeyoutiful sells a whole host of natural products that are designed to keep you healthy and help you experience God’s best. I try to be regular with my vitamins–and certainly notice when I DON’T take them. While I don’t take Bee Strong regularly, it sure does seem to give me an extra boost of energy on days like today when I’m dragging.

We are able to get ANY Beeyoutiful products at a re-seller/distributor discount, and we pass along those savings to YOU by offering 15% off on ALL Beeyoutiful items. At one point we had several items regularly in stock and shipped from here; however, I have found it hard to keep multiple items in stock (due to the investment cost) since Marc was laid off in November. SO, we’ve been doing “custom orders” and these have really been growing in popularity.

Basically, folks “shop” at Beeyoutiful.com, then email me with the items that they would like to order. I send out a Pay Pal invoice which reflects 15% off all items, plus shipping. I place the order once the invoice is paid. I usually receive orders here within 3-4 days, then re-package and re-ship…so a turn-around on a custom order is usually 2 weeks or less. Thus far it has been win-win for everyone!

So…since my Beeyoutiful products have been such a blessing to me today, I wanted to bless YOU! Everyone who places a custom order of OVER $50 between today (Friday, Feb. 27) and Sunday (March 1) will not only get our usual 15% off prices (which is a great deal no matter how you look at it!) but will also be entered to win one of TWO FREE Beeyoutiful products: a bottle of Bee Strong (a $13 value) OR a bottle of peppermint essential oil (a $7.00 value), both randomly selected.

Just go to Beeyoutiful.com to shop, then drop me an email telling me what you’d like [sales (at) valuesdrivenfamily (dot) com]. I’ll send you an invoice with your total; I’ll be placing a bulk distributor order on Monday morning, and you should have your products within about a week and a half!

Here’s hoping you have a physically and spiritually healthy day! 🙂

A Story with a Lesson in Leadership

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In preparing for the leadership training I will be doing in Kenya, the Lord gave me a story that has relevance in our body. I shared this with my church. You may wish to do the same. Here it is.

Why are we here and why do we assemble? What is God’s purpose for the church and what is the role of leadership? Well, Jesus taught with stories, and I believe the Lord gave me a word-picture that really spoke to me. It may speak to you as well.

I look outside today and see snow—a stark reminder of the frigid winters in New England where I grew up. Oh, it makes me look forward to Spring all the more as I see the white symbol of coldness covering the landscape.

The snow and accompanying coldness also conjures up images of Narnia under the White Witch’s dominion. The deep freeze holding their world hostage as they awaited Aslan’s coming Kingdom.

The imagery made me think of the role of a shepherd and the response of the church. It made me think of the local body trapped in the wintery storm of this world, under Satan’s dominion. The shepherd eagerly seeks the Kingdom, and leads the church through the snow, carving a path in the frigidness. Yes, he is the one who gets snow in his boots, must expend the most energy, and feels the greatest burden for ensuring that the trajectory is right, the path is safe, and that no one is left behind in the cold. He listens to the vision given him from the Word and the Spirit, and guides with tender care, setting an example where and how to take each step. When he steps on thin ice, his foot gets wet, and he changes the trajectory to keep the others safe. When he approaches a steep incline, he walks around to gentler slopes. He pushes down the snow banks to clear the way ahead of the others.

Yet, a peculiar thing happens along the way. Others become unnerved at the shepherds leading. Some become envious of the presumed glory of walking in front. They fail to count the labor and sacrifice required of it. They assume the role upon themselves, choosing to latch onto the “glory” of position and fail to lead at all. Those who assume the role out of pride, envy or ambition fail to see the Kingdom vision—and lead people in dangerous paths or even in circles—sometimes claiming it is the Spirit’s leading.

Others choose not to walk at all, and build a snow fort, just big enough for the current membership, and with a wall tall enough to keep others that don’t look like them out. Yet others choose to make a snow man and go sledding to just enjoy the coldness of the world, failing to recognize that they are just sojourners in Satan’s wintery dominion. Yet, even others get in a snow ball fight, and decide to leave the path altogether—leaving a wake of disunity and pain.

The shepherd is careful to not carve the path and then double back and push the followers along it, claiming authority from above. Rather, he persuades them—edifying, encouraging, and yes, rebuking—with the Word in love, always putting the vision before them. For there will always be those who want to build a fort, those who want to play, those who leave the path, and aspiring shepherds who have a path of their own. It is an unnecessary burden to blaze the trail along the Lord’s trajectory and look back and see the four camps holding the sojourners on the Kingdom’s path back from the vision, yet, this is the lot of the shepherd.

The moral of the story—the vision—that is the Kingdom, is the destination of His churches. Understand that the church is sojourning together, towards that goal. The Bible admonishes to “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.” (Hebrews 13:17) This is not mindless submission, but rather being persuaded by their wisdom, by their example, and by the Kingdom vision.

Shalom,
Marc Carrier
http://www.valuesdrivenlife.com/

Ps. All pastors and ministry leaders are invited to get a FREE e-copy of my new discipleship book at http://www.valuesdrivenlife.com. Here are some testimonials.

A quote well worth thinking about

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I’ll be chewing on this one for a while, I think:

“The more a believer is enlightened by the Holy Spirit, the more will he see the pitiful state of the flesh, and the fiercer will his battles against the flesh be, but all the more frequent and evident will his failures become. Whenever he suffers a defeat, the Holy Spirit will further reveal to him the sin and weakness of his flesh and generate in him a deeper sense of self-reproach and a determination to battle against the sin of the flesh. This chain reaction of misery may last a fairly long time, and one will ultimately be delivered only when he comes to understand the deeper works of the cross.”

~ Watchman Nee, “The Spiritual Man” (p. 84)