Values-Driven

Recently I’ve been unusually busy (between the little ones, homeschooling, home management, and finishing up a new book, “The Growing Homschool“–and then updating the Web site as a result of these changes). I thought I would share a few things that have helped me make the most of my time during this somewhat hectic few weeks. Even though there have been some overwhelming (and, yes, discouraging) moments when I have not been at my best, overall things have remained orderly. *Overall.* It’s about direction, not perfection, folks–let’s remember that. 🙂

Even though I am not a big fan of “twelve steps” or “ten tips” or what have you (I tend to get confused with trying to remember and follow many points in the busyness of every day), the three things that I’ve been trying to stay focused on these past few weeks all conveniently start with “M,” so I’ll call this “3 Ms for Busy Moms.” It’s what has worked for me in helping to maintain an atmosphere of order and peace, in spite of a higher level of activity, and more distractions. Here goes:

The most important thing, for me, has been having a mind-set of “maximizing” each moment. I am reminded of Colossians 4:5, which tells us to “make the most of every opportunity.” Granted, in context the passage is speaking of being a witness for Christ to those who don’t know Him, and I’m thinking of it in a broader context–so bear with me.Basically, what I take away from this Scripture is that it’s important to live “in the moment,” whatever the moment is. If it’s a good moment, relish it. Days are only made up of moments, after all. So when a child comes to the desk where I’m working and shows me a picture, I can really look at it. I can appreciate the effort that they put into it, and tell them so. When I’m making dinner, I can be thankful for the food that the Lord is putting on our table, and do my best at serving something that my family will appreciate (forgetting about other things, at least for the moment!). If I’m listening to one of my children, I can actually pay attention and ask questions about what they’ve said, rather than just saying “uh-huh” and nodding my head.

And if the moments are not-so-good, I try to make the most of them anyway. I try (TRY!) to make my first thought a question: “Lord, what are you trying to teach me?” Or, if my children are driving me crazy, I have to step back and think, “How can I make the most of this negative behavior?” When the kids misbehave, it’s important for me to find out what lessons they can learn through the discipline, and I make a mental note of areas where I can provide more concentrated training to reduce the incidents of misbehavior in the future. For example, when the children are bickering over a toy, I may remind them that God values generosity (whereas they are exhibiting selfishness). I will ask them to talk about who will use it, and to speak to one another in a loving way. If they continue, I may separate them each into a corner for a few minutes. My usual comment is something along the lines of, “If you can’t play nicely together because you’re thinking only of yourself, then you can spend some time by yourself in the corner.” Then, I remind myself to get the children into some good Bible verses or stories about generosity, once we’re not so in-the-midst of an emotionally charged situation.

So, good moments or not-so-good, I’ve been trying to maximize the moments and get the best out of them that we possibly can.

Maximize the moment, minimize the distractions. Minimize the stuff that’s not-so-important. That’s been high on my list of priorities, particularly during these last couple of weeks. I use call waiting or the answering machine to screen calls and typically I will only answer if I have “nothing” going on (which is rare), or if it is my husband calling (which is also rare, since he works from home!). I give a call or email back when it’s convenient–and quiet. And speaking of email, I’ve also been minimizing my time on the Internet (not on the computer, as I’ve been working on the aforementioned Web design). I respond to important emails right away so they don’t languish in my inbox, but anything that can reasonably wait gets flagged and I respond after the children have gone to bed…or whenever I can get to it.

I also try to minimize the “trouble” that the children can get into (particularly at times like this when I’ve had a project of my own that’s taken up an unusual amount of my time). I do this by providing a directed activity and expecting the children to focus on that activity for at least 20-30 minutes. It may just be reading books on the couch. Other times it might be using play dough at the table, doing puzzles, or filling in coloring books. My school age children have daily assignments that they are expected to complete independently. Language arts and math are almost always done on their own (while of course I am available to provide direction and answer questions), and then we get together for science, social studies, and art or music.

Lately I’ve also been minimizing meal preparation, while still trying to eat somewhat healthy. We rarely rely on convenience foods, so I’m thankful that I’ve been double-cooking and freezing meals recently. It’s nice, on a busy day, to know that I can just run to the freezer and pop something in the oven at 4:00. If I am making something from scratch, I’ve been relying on no-frills basics that we all enjoy, like homemade pizza or a big casserole that will last for two days instead of one.

Multi-tasking is a common buzz phrase these days. When I think of multi-tasking, I tend to think of juggling. Sooner or later, one of the balls is bound to drop. Which one?Homeschooling…housekeeping…child training…family relationships…quiet time with the Lord…work?? So although I do try to “multi-task” by having multiple activities going on at once (fold a load of laundry while reading a book to the toddler, and checking every few minutes to see that supper isn’t burning on the stove), it’s more common that I actually view multi-tasking as integration. Sorry, I wanted to make it fit with the “3Ms,” though. Maybe it should have been “two Ms and an I.” But that just doesn’t have the same ring to it. 🙂

What does integration look like?

One fun way I’ve found to “integrate” this week was to do my Web design with an audience. A couple of the older children sat around the computer and I talked out loud about what I was doing and why. They actually learned some basic things about HTML and using WYSIWYG software like Microsoft Expressions.

On one recent, really nice day–unseasonably warm for winter–the boys were itching to go outside and play (and I was happy to let them) but I didn’t want to take a day off of school. So before they went outside they wrote down some estimates for lengths and widths of things that were out in the yard, then once they were outside, they did the actual measurements and calculated the difference. Then they were excused to play!

My husband has been integrating some relationship-building and some “science” with our oldest, who has a bit of money saved and an interest in solar power. So they’ve been researching solar cells, solar-powered battery chargers, power-up times, and many other things over the Internet while my husband is on lunch or after the little ones get tucked into bed for the night.

While I cook, I usually have one child “help”me, which is a great way to teach new skills and build relationship, all while getting a necessary household task done.

We always have meals together as a family, and sometimes during breakfast or lunch (which is usually just me and the kids) we’ll just talk or else I may read aloud from a good book. And no matter what we do, we try to focus on character training by discussing relevant Scripture verses or character traits that are of value to God.

So if you’re a busy Mom, perhaps it will help you to focus on the 3Ms: Maximize by making the most of every moment; minimize distractions by proactively addressing time killers and giving your children something productive to do; and multi-task by integrating family relationship-building with day-to-day work or chores, integrating academics with character training or whatever else works for you.