Category: character training

Tips on Family Devotional Time

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Bible reading

There are many ways to go about having family devotional times. I believe that it’s best to let the Scriptures speak for themselves, so I personally do not use commercially-written devotional guides. I simply read the Bible to the children. If I’m concentrating on a values-related topic, I will just read from a binder of verses (the “Values-Driven Discipleship” manual).

My approach is simple. I want our children to grow in God’s Word and become accustomed to hearing and understanding the Word of God at an adult level, so I always read from an adult Bible during our devotional time. The children do also have their personal Bible reading times later during the day. At those times the younger children will read beginner’s Bibles, Bible picture books, and the like, but as a family we read aloud from a consistent translation. Some people prefer KJV, while others like the readability of NIV, NKJV, or NASB. You should choose whatever is most comfortable for you.

I am a firm believer in reading for “depth, not distance.” In other words, I don’t feel it’s necessary to cover a whole chapter in one sitting. I may begin with that intention but the Holy Spirit often leads us into discussion on a particular verse or prompts us to look up other verses that help us understand a particular point in greater detail. At other times, however, I may read more than a chapter. It usually depends on our time constraints and how well I feel the children are attending to the reading.

Love for the Word, not a legalistic approach

Even if you choose the “just read the Bible” approach, you probably are aware that there are many methods for this, as well: reading straight through the Bible, going from one book to another, or doing a topical study and digging through the many relevant Scriptures. And of course, there’s what one friend of ours called the “pray and point” method of simply asking God for an applicable Word and reading whatever passage you open up to. I’ve done all of the above at one time or another, depending on time constraints, interest level, family happenings, and the like.

For us, what has been most important is that we not allow ourselves to be bound to a legalistic view of what “family devotions” should be. We let the Holy Spirit lead us and we always focus on the Bible alone. These are our only guidelines. We want to encourage in our children a love and respect for God’s Word, and we want them to know that they can and should turn to it for encouragement, guidance, and conviction—at all times! By being flexible in our family devotional time, I believe that our children will learn to listen to the Holy Spirit and trust in God for daily guidance through personal reading and application of the Word.

Edification, not entertainment

The family devotional time should be an adult-led time. This helps children develop a reverence for God’s Word and understand its importance in their lives. While it should not go on so long as to be boring for the children (they do have short attention spans!), this is a good time to encourage them to be self-controlled and put their best effort into hearing and understanding the Word. Brief discussions, occasional questions directed at the children, and the like, will make the time interactive and interesting for the whole family.

Of course, I do try to read with inflection, occasionally take turns in the reading, or even act out different verses or stories (storms are lots of fun, and there are many opportunities for drama with the parables of Jesus and the well-known Old Testament stories of Noah’s Ark, Abraham’s almost-sacrifice of Isaac, Joshua and the battle of Jericho…the possibilities are endless!) Again, however, I do believe that the focus should be on the Word itself, and not on the entertainment value it can impart. There are plenty of other opportunities to integrate this element if you so desire, but nothing compares with teaching our children to hear, obey, and revere God’s Word as the foundation for our lives. The family devotional time is a great starting point to engender a lifelong love of the Bible.

EXCERPTED FROM “VALUES-DRIVEN DISCIPLESHIP BIBLICAL INSTRUCTION AND CHARACTER TRAINING MANUAL” by Marc and Cindy Carrier, available at http://www.valuesdrivenfamily.com

Self esteem

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It’s just ironic how our children are taught that they are the result of a cosmic accident, emanating from primordial slime-to-apes—ultimately, just smart water that will go out like a light bulb one day—and then reaffirm their self-worth with self-esteem propaganda that flies in the face of our very essence and nature before an awesome God.

Recognizing who we are in relation to a loving, and all-powerful God, having been created in His image, but bound to a body of sin and death, is what helps us maintain a humility that God rewards.

“Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.” (Psalm 39:6-7)

Our Kids aren’t Perfect…but, they’re (almost) Normal

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Before I get to my thoughts, I want to remind you to comment for your chance to win a copy of Jill Savage’s “Real Moms, Real Jesus.” I’ll be closing comments later tonight. 🙂

Now, my thoughts…

Are you like me–do you sometimes (maybe too often?) wish that your kids were “perfect”? You know, like other people’s kids? Sometimes I think that if we’re doing it “right,” our kids are gonna look like the Duggars. Neat, clean, and even well-pressed; each one playing an instrument; great school routine; picture-perfect family relationships. I know that even THEY aren’t always like that, but that’s how they are in my head. Or what about Mike and Debi Pearl’s kids, when they were little? I can only imagine that if one of them jumped out of a half-rolled-down car window on command, they were pretty obedient. Although I would love to believe that my kids would do that, most days I’m not so sure. And frankly, having these thoughts in my head as comparisons gets me in trouble more often than I’d like to admit.

We all know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. Unfortunately, it’s pretty hard “not” to, sometimes. And other times, it’s not the comparison factor that bothers me, it’s just the fact that MY life would be “easier” if my children were perfect. If they did everything I said, right when I said it, with a cheerful attitude, ALL THE TIME. I could actually keep going with my schedule and my plans–without those seemingly constant interruptions for encouragement, correction, discipline, and discipleship in the Word.

But having a picture-perfect life (even for my own convenience, which I admit is really appealing), has one problem–at least only one that I can see. The Bible tells us that it is through trials that we are made perfect in Christ. We mature through testing and draw closer to God in our imperfections. We become aware more and more of our need for His grace, we rely on His love, we look for His leading. In having those “perfect” kids that I sometimes want, I (and they) would miss out on “working out our salvation with fear and trembling.” (Sigh.) It’s worth it, isn’t it??

Last night we got together with a couple from our fellowship who have grandchildren slightly younger than our own kids. The husband made a comment that I’ve been thinking about all day…something like, our kids are just like their grandkids, and other kids in general. (I could only assume he was referring to…lots of energy, oftentimes loud, busy all the time, sometimes foolish…?) BUT with one difference–that when our kids are told to stop doing something, they stop. When they are asked to do something, they do it.

Sometimes “I” don’t see that. I feel like I’m more inconsistent than I’d like to be, and I suppose my expectations of my children are sometimes unrealistic. So it was nice to get a confirmation that we’re on the right track. And in the final analysis, I think I am glad that other people don’t see our kids as being “perfect.” ‘Cause if they were, I think we would all be missing out. I’m glad that we’re all “real people,” following Jesus together. And I’m glad today for His grace for those those times when none of us are “perfect.”

What is Discipleship, anyway?!

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I went to bed at a decent time but found myself up and unable to sleep at about 3 AM. So of course, I went downstairs to download some MP3 audios that I’ve been waiting to listen to. (My ISP has download limits and if we exceed them, our connection is basically shot for 24 hours–yuck!–but we have “free download time”/no limits from 3AM to 6AM. That usually doesn’t mean anything to me, but since I was up anyway…)

Also checked my email and heard from a friend, which was nice. I was glad to have the time to email a lengthy response (there finally being few distractions in the middle of the night, after all…) And the email REQUIRED a lengthy response, because my friend was basically looking for “my” take on DISCIPLESHIP…asking, basically, “What is discipleship, anyway?” Oh, that’s a loaded question! Thought some of you might wonder the same thing…so I figured that since I did the work of putting together my thoughts, I might as well post them here, for what it’s worth. 🙂

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Basically, the word “disciple” (as a verb) means to teach or train. Jesus had twelve disciples that he taught/trained, and His goal was that they would be like Him. Our goal in discipling our children is for them to be like JESUS! However, our biggest problem is our concept of teaching and training. For Jesus, discipleship was a “do as I do” model. In the Hebrew culture, students “lived with” their teachers/”masters” so that they would SEE them live…speak…and put their “teachings” into practice. This model takes time…Jesus was with His disciples for three years, and we know that Paul spent some time in various cities—mostly to invest in this “discipleship” process. I like how the apostle Paul described the process: “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1).

HOWEVER, we have been indoctrinated with a Greek philosophy of education, which replaces the hands-on, “doing life together” model with a knowledge-based model of “teaching”—i.e., lessons of words, readings, etc. These are pretty good at imparting “head knowledge,” but the DOING is difficult because there is not much encouragement for application by example.

When we consider what it means to disciple our children, our goal is to return to the model that Jesus gave us…to keep our children near to us so that they can see our example. To be authentic with our children when we fall short…to teach them about repentance and perseverance in our faith. Essentially, to fulfill the command of Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” The idea, though, is not just to “talk,” but to talk about what we’re LIVING and how God wants our children to live.

Training in obedience usually results from being consistent with discipline (I have to admit that, unlike you, we have shown more inconsistency than I’d like in this area!) Training in Christlike character (which is the heart of discipleship, really) is more difficult because it targets the heart, not just outward behavior. While we like to look at behaviors because they’re easier to “correct” and we can see faster results, God cares about the HEART, and that’s the target of this discipleship process…the process of living what we believe and showing our children how THEY can do the same. It takes more time to see results this way, but the results are at the heart-level and so are longer-lasting. Children’s obedience to God’s commands (and our Biblical instruction) doesn’t just come from their conformity due to negative consequences, but it comes from the heart because they desire to live a life that is pleasing to God.

Where I have probably fallen down with discipleship lately (in my “muddling” season!) is in that I have come “disconnected” with my kids. Because Biblical discipleship is a “do as I do” process, we have to invest TIME with our kids…and it’s all too easy to shuffle them off to one place or another, put in a video to get some quiet time for ourselves, or just fill the days with “meaningless” activity just to keep everyone occupied. Likewise, easier to discipline behaviors than to disciple them…that means, instead of “just” providing a consequence for negative behaviors (which often is necessary), we have to invest sometime in talking about things and encourage the children with what God’s Word has to say. Going back to Deuteronomy 6:6-7, this means that WE (parents) have to have God’s “commandments” UPON OUR HEARTS so that we can impart them to our children.

So what does discipleship “look” like? Well, for me it means “explaining” to my children WHAT I’m doing and WHY…not just “being” an example, but showing them my heart. If I’m frustrated, I try to step back and not just apologize, but tell they WHY I’m sorry—because I know that I’m not showing the “patient and kind” love that God wants me to. I explain to them the importance of repentance…the grace of God…and the power of the Holy Spirit that can help us change direction when we’re getting off-track. If I find myself complaining, I eventually get to the point where I say, “God really wants us to have an attitude of praise, not a complaining spirit. When we grumble against our circumstances, we’re grumbling against God—like the Israelites who complained against Moses in the wilderness!” So I find a way to make each of my complaints a PRAISE, and ask the kids to help me out. They can “see” my thought process and how “I” apply God’s Word to my circumstances, to get from where I am to where God wants me to be. They “see” how to live out their faith.

As far as discipling them through THEIR negative behaviors, I “TRY” to be encouraging with the Word rather than punitive (nobody likes to get beat over the head with a Bible!)…there are verses that they may hear a lot (about loving one another, serving one another in love, encouraging one another with their speech…various verses on how to avoid and/or deal with arguments, etc.) and I just keep bringing them up any time they are needed. I trust that eventually they’ll work into the kids’ hearts. And I love now that they’re getting older, we can TALK about their life circumstances, decisions, etc. and THEY can begin to apply God’s Word. With our guidance to help them see the “whole” of Scripture and understand and God’s truth, THEY can see how it applies to their lives. But we can’t do that unless they’re close to us and we’re aware of what’s going on in their lives. Connectedness is so important to the discipleship process!

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I ended this by reminding my friend that our most-referenced verses–and then some!–are put together in our Values-Driven Discipleship manual…feel free to check it out. 🙂

New Years’ Resolutions, anyone??

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New Year’s resolutions—do you have any? I suppose it’s all too common to make resolutions and then let them fade away into oblivion, whether because of busyness or laziness—or perhaps a combination of both. Goals met, on the other hand, bring a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment, not to mention the intended benefit of the goal itself (such as losing weight or quitting smoking for improved health and energy.)

Let me ask you: what are your spiritual goals for this year? Do you want to be in the same place in your walk with the Lord in January 2010 as you are right now? If not, what is your plan for making progress? If you’re anything like me, you might set up a checklist of “to-do’s” in order to give yourself some sort of measurement of progress. Read so many chapters of your Bible each day, spend so much time in prayer, attend a Women’s Bible study, or read a certain number of Christian books on a given subject. Trouble is, we get focused on the “doing” and forget that God is all about our “being.”

So can I ask you another question? (This one is a little more personal.) How is your “being?” Do you think your character reflects the character of Christ? (That is, after all, the goal—see Romans 8:29, for example.) In what areas would you like to improve?

Personally, during this first trimester of pregnancy I’ve let my constant tiredness make me a little irritable with my children. That’s certainly a bad habit that I’d like to nip in the bud sooner rather than later! I’ve also been doing many things more out of “duty” than out of “love.” While it is good to obey, God also wants our hearts—and I’ll be the first to admit that I could use some work in that area. Trouble is, I can’t really make a checklist out of how many times I snap at the children, or sigh, or just give up on doing something that I know God would want me to do (like get up and discipline one of the children when they need it!). And even if I tried to do that, it probably wouldn’t be effective. Why? Because outward measures don’t necessarily affect the heart—and that’s where lasting change needs to start.

To get the ball rolling on heart-change, Bible reading and prayer are good. I can measure those—even better! But, the danger is that I’d just get caught up in more doing and yet wouldn’t even be “doing” the right thing with all of the information I’d acquire through study. My husband picked up a quote from somewhere (unfortunately I’m not sure the source) that goes something like this: The average Christian is knowledgeable beyond their ability to obey. In other words, I may possess lots of head-knowledge but I’m not able to adequately put it into practice the way God wants me to. Yet it is my obedience that shows my love for God and brings blessing (see Luke 11:28, John 14:15-24).

Knowledge is relatively easy to acquire, so it’s equally easy to feel confident in what we “know.” Infinitely harder to put the Word into practice on a consistent basis! If I had a “New Year’s Resolution” this year, I would want to be more obedient to what I already know in God’s Word. Given what I have already read and studied in my Christian walk, I could probably give up Bible reading entirely and still “know” more than I can successfully “do.” Scary thought, no? How about you?

I have been immensely blessed as I have edited, read, and re-read Marc and Todd Shaw’s upcoming book, The Values-Driven Life. It was actually designed to help us get from where we are to where we want to be in our relationship with God and in our expression of Christ-like character. Jesus used the parable of the soils (see Luke 8) to describe the various responses to the Gospel. The Values-Driven Life focuses on the last two: the seed that springs up among thorns, and the seed that falls on good soil, where it produces an abundant crop. The goal for all of us to be abundantly fruitful for God and His Kingdom! Here’s a brief excerpt from the first chapter—you may pick up the reference to the gardening analogy, but you’ll also get a good idea of the premise behind the book:

Crops need protection, but they also need fertilizer for optimum growth. Yep, Christians need fertilizer, too. Your nourishment comes from God’s Word, the Bible.

There is absolutely no substitute for sitting down during your quiet time in the morning and reading God’s Word. It is always relevant and always timely. Read the same passage ten times, and most certainly you will hear God’s gentle voice whisper new and fresh insight for you each time you read it. It is nourishment for the soul, and an absolute necessity if you are going to bear fruit. You can’t impart nourishment to others until you are personally “filled.” Reading the Bible regularly is an important first step in your spiritual growth.

Another means of learning God’s Word is through Bible study. Spending time alone, or especially with other Christians, dissecting and discussing God’s Word is time well invested. Interaction and discussion will offer the most substantive nourishment. Listening to a sermon can have an impact, but an interactive discourse is guaranteed to go deeper in its effects (see First Corinthians 14:26, for example). Seek active learning over passive learning any day.

Another great source of nourishment is good books, or teaching audios and videos. For example, The Values-Driven Life was written to help you identify weeds in your own life, and to provide some Miracle-Gro® for your accelerated growth. Essentially, we have identified some of the elements that are essential to your growth in Christ-likeness, and have pulled them together into twelve easy-to-understand-and-apply packets so that you can get a jumpstart on your spiritual journey.

Is there any substitute for the organic stuff (i.e., the Bible)? Absolutely not! God’s unadulterated Word will give you all that you will find in this book, and more. But reading the Bible alone also poses a challenge: there is much, much, much more! The Bible is a big book. It will take you years to read it, and even longer to understand and apply it. The Values-Driven Life offers just the highlights of what the Bible has to say specifically concerning what it means to grow in Christ-like character. No history, no prophesy, no poetry; just a focused summary of what God wants from you and me as it pertains to our character. But it will take perseverance on your part to read, meditate on, and apply the teachings herein.

If Christ-likeness is the Goal, What does it Look Like?

The purpose of The Values-Drive Life is to provide a “quick start” or “quick reference” guide for “professing Christians” at all levels of spiritual growth, whose heartfelt desire is to continue to mature in their faith. The question is, since we are attempting to summarize the whole of the Scriptures and the essence of Christ-likeness in twelve easily digestible concepts, what are the values that God most values? What should be your focus as you seek to grow in Christ-like character?

Within the books of the Bible, God’s core values—the principles and ideals that God desires for humanity—are embodied in the character of key men and women who walked closely with God, are specified in the Scriptures, and are ultimately best defined and made manifest in the person of Christ. There is ample scriptural evidence of 12 core values of God, which form the essence of Christ-likeness: Faith, Surrender, Love, Faithfulness, Wisdom, Self-control, Righteousness, Humility, Holiness, Diligence, Generosity and Praise.

These core values are evident throughout the whole of Scripture, either directly stated or seen repeatedly as the traits of those who had intimate relationships with God—and evident in Christ Himself. And we know that God wants us to be like Christ (see Romans 8:29). So, ultimately, these are the essential character traits that God wants to manifest in His people. These are the values that God values.

Subsequent chapters of VDL take an in-depth look at each of the essential “core values” of our faith. If your goal is to grow more like Christ this year, reading VDL is just what you need! It’s packed full of Scriptures (over 1,200 verses!) and—yes, probably plenty of conviction, too. Why? Because none of us have “arrived” at the goal yet, and getting there is sometimes a slow and painful process. So you’ll hopefully find plenty of encouragement, too, to press on in your striving. As you grow closer to God and desire greater obedience to His Word, 2009 may be your most blessed year yet—at least, we hope so! Advance copies of VDL can be purchased now and will ship as soon as they are available—just visit www.ValuesDrivenLife.com. You’ll definitely want to read the advance testimonials here.

Personally, I will be re-reading (and working on) the value of Love, and probably Praise, too. After that, I’m sure it will be something else.

Oh, and on the subject of New Year’s resolutions…some of you may remember our “Family Planner for Character Growth and Development” from last January; others of you are new to Values-Driven. You can access that planner by clicking here, and be sure to read the related blog post. You may find it helpful as you evaluate your family’s progress in character development and set goals for growth in the New Year. As you (and your family) strive to grow in your faith and in Christlike character, remember Jesus’ promise in Luke 11:28: “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.” This could be your most blessed year yet–we sure hope so!

Thanks for letting us share our “New Year’s” thoughts. You all are a blessing to us, and we pray for wonderful things for your 2009!

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On a personal note, one of our first orders of business this year is to prepare for Marc’s two-week missions trip to Kenya (Jan. 20-Feb.4). He suddenly got a little nervous this week, realizing that he had to be prepared for 40+ hours of teaching and training (16 workshops, services, and revival meetings)—but he’s been in the Word and in prayer all week and we’re sure that God will do amazing things through this time. Please pray with us that this is so!

There are many expenses associated with this trip, of course. Some support has already been contributed, and we’re trusting God for the rest. Although it is a bit out of the scope of our “usual,” we thought you wouldn’t mind if we let you know of this need and asked for financial help from those of you who feel prayerfully led to do so. Given Marc’s recent layoff, every penny that we raise will be used directly for the Kenya trip, as the shortfall is still well in the thousands. Every bit will be a blessing, so if you can give—it is much appreciated. We’ve set up an informational page at: www.valuesdrivenfamily.com/kenya.htm; you can also donate there if you’re interested. Of course, we will keep you posted as Marc is away and with the “results” when he returns!

Practical and Spiritual Preparedness

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As a new month rolls in, we were going to send out a topical newsletter with an informational article (we had yet to choose from a number of possible topics). We also wanted to let you know that we are preparing for winter cold season and have some discount immune products available from Beeyoutiful: Bee Strong, Bee Immune, and Berry Well—all at 15% off of Beeyoutiful prices.

Also, we are excited to have our first “Values-Driven Kids” product available—a 54-page character training coloring book called, Growing to be Like Jesus. This will be regularly priced at $4.95 but is available for a limited time for only $2.95!

However, these things pale in comparison to what we feel we must share with you this month, after all. While not our intended agenda, there are matters far more important.

You may have noticed that there haven’t been any posts to our blog for several weeks. At first, we were regrouping from our vacation and settling in right away to a new homeschooling year. Now, this week, we have made a somewhat monumental decision for the Carrier household—Lord willing, we’re going to sell our homesteading parcel here in Indiana and look for something smaller that we can purchase debt-free. As well, we would like to purchase a travel trailer and take our family, and our ministry, on the road.

We are excited about the potential changes, but also busy getting our house in order. These plans, however, are made with Proverbs 16:9 in mind: “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” It is important to seek God’s wisdom and make plans for the future, but equally important to be led by the Spirit and remember that God is in control of the future—not us.

We have been constantly reminding ourselves of this lesson as we see economic events unfolding here in the US, which have global implications. Whether we are in the “last days” or whether we are just going through the ups and downs that every empire has historically experienced, we cannot say. However, we do know that either way, there may be hard days ahead for many of us.

There’s a lot of information available out there on making preparations for your family in the event of an emergency, and preparedness is wise for any eventuality (recent economic events notwithstanding). For more on that, we’ve put together a brief outline of some of the practical things you can be thinking about as you plan for your own families. You can view it online. While we don’t want to be alarmist, we feel we would be remiss if we did not encourage you to put some thought into these important matters.

Practical preparations aside, it is of utmost importance that your family is emotionally and spiritually ready for whatever may unfold—whether temporary sacrifices due to job loss, emotional and financial upheaval because of home repossession, or even the spiritual battles of persecution because of our faith in Christ. How prepared are you in this area? Even if nothing “major” happens in the future, think about where your children are spiritually, and where you want them to be. Are you doing the things that you need to in order to help them mature with a strong, personal relationship with Jesus Christ?

We recently got an email from a lovely soon-to-be Grandma, which was so heartfelt and so on-target with what we felt compelled to share with you, that we wanted to let you read it, too. Don’t let this woman’s regrets be yours!:

The more I read about your ministry and your family, the more I realize we missed the boat with our family. Although our 3 children have grown into great people who love God, we settled for “good” and not God’s best. It amazes me to think we never really sat down and discussed what and how we wanted to teach our children about the Lord. Even more amazing is how He blessed our misguided efforts to create such terrific people in spite of us. Now as I await the birth of our first grandie, I want to grab the child’s parents and plead with them not to make the mistakes we made. Unfortunately, the parents are only nominal believers–they go to church occasionally but we never really talk about God. Please pray with me that God will open up an opportunity to share with my son and his wife how desperately important it is to have Christ the center of their marriage and parenting. I would love to have them read your Values Driven Family book.
Thank you for your daily walk and faithfulness to meet each challenge head-on and your willingness to share your learning with all of us “out here” on the net. May God continue to use and bless you all.

Please pray with me for the next generation in this family, and now let’s take a realistic look at our own families, and talk about some things we can do to strengthen our families spiritually. We want to be ready for the future and ensure that our faith is strong enough to withstand potentially tough times ahead. Click here to read more online about spiritual readiness.


The Benefits of Essential Daily Routines

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Back-to-school time! It can be a stretch for everyone to get back into the habit of schooling. Even if you homeschool and “school all year,” there’s still a special laid-back feeling to summer. Getting everyone going again in the Fall can be a challenge. And if your house is anything like ours, new routines are often met with resistance (or, better stated, bad attitudes). In a previous newsletter, we talked about organizing time with routines rather than a schedule, so this time I thought it would be helpful to take a look at some of the more specific routines that we have found helpful to integrate into our days.

We had been only slightly out of these “routines” this summer, as we took a bona fide summer vacation for once. I finished up my Defeating Depression audio seminar and worked on some other things that I have wanted to get to for a while. The children enjoyed the free time outside and at the pool, and pursued some creative projects of their own as well. But then, we were radically out of the usual routines during our 10-day trip across the country to CT and Canada for visits with family. We began to see some negative attitudes and behaviors after this prolonged departure from “the usual”, and we knew the time had come to get back to the basics!

You may be experiencing a bit of this in your home as you get your children back to school. Even if not, we’d like to share with you some of the elements that we have proactively set in place, to help keep things running smoothly and to battle bad attitudes before they rear their ugly heads. These help us all deal with life’s ups and downs with a little more equilibrium. The daily routines that we have found most helpful are: family devotions, personal Bible reading and prayer, chore times, daily training times, and character training.

You will notice that “school time” is not one of the routines. Yes, this needs to be part of your time organization/schedule if you homeschool, but it is not one of the essential foundations. The essential foundations have more to do with being than with doing—and these are the things that affect our attitudes the most. By attending to these “first things first,” academic routines and other “doings” are a lot easier on everyone.

For us, each day starts with family devotions. We get together in the living room and spend a short time reading the Bible and praying together. There’s no “magic” to it, and no particular formula—but when we don’t get our day started off on the right foot with this routine, it usually isn’t long before we realize we’ve missed it! I love the words of Psalm 5:3: “In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” As we focus on the Lord in the morning, we certainly go into the day “expecting” God’s presence and His answer to prayer. You can read more specifically about our family’s devotional routines in this comprehensive excerpt from The Values-Driven Family. Of all of our daily routines, this is one of the most important.

As well, individual family members try to set aside personal time with the Lord. I usually manage to get up a bit earlier than everyone else, and I love the “quiet time!” The children all have Bible and prayer time after breakfast, older children with their Bibles and younger children with storybook versions. The pre-readers often convene on the upstairs couch to “read” Bible stories together and discuss them with me; my older boys usually separate to the bedroom or downstairs couch so the little ones don’t disturb them. I try not to be legalistic about the children having this time, as I don’t want to make Bible reading seem like a punishment or a burden; rather, we began this routine with a gentle daily encouragement: “Why don’t we all grab a Bible and read for a few minutes, to see what God has for us today!” I also don’t associate any “rules” or assignments with this time. I have told the children that I sometimes use a journal in my quiet time, other times copy down and memorize Bible verses, sometimes study with a concordance, or otherwise just read. Much as my own devotional time varies, so does theirs. I may ask them about their quiet time or what they have read, but there is no pressure to perform. This has made daily times with the Lord a happier habit for everyone to develop.

Another proactive part of our daily routines that keeps things on a consistently even keel is chore time. It takes some time to train the children in doing chores, but with patience, good modeling, positive encouragement, and (later) quality-control checks, it is an investment well worth the pay-off. We talked about children and chores in a previous newsletter, and also have a small section of The Values-Driven Family devoted to the topic. Daily chore times are a good habit that helps to maintain a general sense of order and peace in the home. With this structure and these work habits in place, other “doings” (such as school routines) are met with less resistance when they are introduced.

Daily training times are one of my favorite routines. (We have been totally out of this routine almost all summer, and it is painfully obvious.) Sometimes our daily training times are brief (5 minutes) and sometimes they are as much as a half-hour in length—but they are always beneficial. Any time we see something that needs work (or if we want to proactively address certain areas so as not to get to that point), we engage in a fun and enjoyable “training time” to address these topics. We train in safety issues, like fire escape and what to do if you get lost from Mom or Dad in a public place. We train in manners (how to interrupt adult conversations politely, saying “please” and “thank you” and table manners). Other training topics include: picking up toys, putting away toys, shoes, or toothbrushes in their proper places, and even baby care. Click here to read more about this topic (straight from The Values-Driven Family), including practical child training tips and techniques. Or, read our article, “The Softer Side of Child Training” for a condensed version.

We also try to consistently focus on character training. We capitalize on everyday “teachable moments” and bring the Scriptures into our everyday experiences. While this is not a “routine,” per se, it is arguably one of the most valuable habits that we have developed. Family devotions and personal Bible time are important, but learning to view everyday actions, reactions, and decisions in the light of God’s Word has most powerfully affected our childrens’ heart attitudes, character, and (ultimately) behaviors. One way that we do try to make character training more of a routine is to use the “Core Value Progress Chart” every evening with our children, to encourage their growth in Christlikeness and discuss ways they can improve in doing things “God’s way.”

Coupled with these basic routines, we also make a habit of “relationship building” with our children. If we fail to maintain a heart-connection with our kids, all of our other efforts may be in vain as we strive to raise them to love and serve the Lord. A book we read quite some time ago which was most helpful in shaping our thoughts on this topic is Keeping our Children’s Hearts by Steve and Teri Maxwell.

If you find it difficult to introduce new “doings” into your family’s daily schedule, or if you encounter bad attitudes in response to your requests, perhaps you will find it helpful to take a step back to focus on some of these essential foundations. Implementing daily family devotional times, having personal time with the Lord, attending to chores on a daily basis, and training both in practical matters and in character, all reap great rewards as family members strive to grow in Christ together.

Am I doing enough?

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This week has been incredibly busy for me. I have several projects that I am working on, and Marc is away so things are all on me at home, as well. It’s actually been all good, but there have been moments of doubt. Am I doing enough? And by that, I don’t mean, is my to-do list getting checked off fast enough–I mean, am I investing the necessary time and effort into my relationships with the children and their discipleship in the faith? The days have been good, but has there been enough going on that is of eternal significance?

These dangers of busyness have been on my mind, so I’ve actually been proactive in making sure that there aren’t any deficiencies in these all-important areas. I have been trying to stay close to the Lord myself, knowing full well that apart from Him, I can do nothing.

I have also been praying more for the children. In the hustle and bustle of every day, as I go through the paces of training, encouraging, and disciplining, I tend to overlook the fact that my part in the children’s spiritual growth and development is quite small. I can try to fill their minds with the Word and promote certain behaviors through rewards and punishments, but only God can work in their hearts. So as we go about our “doings” each day, I am trying to be more mindful to send up a quick prayer along with each and every correction, exhortation, and rebuke. Because, if the Spirit of God doesn’t work in my children’s hearts, what I do will be meaningless.

One of my favorite Scriptures to pray for the children is Isaiah 30:20-21: “though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide Himself any more, but your eyes will constantly behold your Teacher. And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.” When my children are facing difficult circumstances or struggling to learn from a correction, I pray that the Lord will reveal Himself to them, and that He Himself will teach them–not me, with my words or my discipline, but God, by His Spirit. I want them to hear the voice of the Lord behind them, giving them wisdom and direction for each step along their path.

Being a parent sure makes me realize how much I need Jesus.

"System Restore" to the Rescue!

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We are playing “catch-up” a bit here at the Carrier home. Marc has been away on business for a good portion of the last six weeks. Some standards have had to be relaxed a bit, and there has probably not been as much consistency as there should be in some areas. Some of that is because my “mother’s heart” was feeling a little too much sympathy for the children (with missing their Dad and all), and part of it was simply that by the end of many of those L-O-N-G “solo” days, I was feeling exhausted and just didn’t want to deal with things the way that I should have. Not to mention, I often went to bed too late, got up too late in the morning—and missed altogether too many of my daily “quiet times.”

So this week, with Dad back at the helm, we are trying to return to some sense of normalcy—being more proactive and consistent in our discipleship efforts, raising the standards as far as diligence and quality of work (which has been one of the unfortunate casualties of this season), and simply trying to enjoy one another in the midst of all the “to-do’s.”

Have you ever gone through (or are you going through) a season where things have gotten far more out of whack than you would like—and maybe through no fault of your own, but simply circumstance? Or, like us, have you been “lazy” for too long in some areas, and now want to get back to a place where you once were?

We have written about the “re-boot” as a short-term solution for improving the atmosphere and tone in the home. We use this method and highly recommend it. However, when life’s circumstances sneak up on you (or maybe snowball) and you are dealing with more than just adjusting attitudes—what do you do?

As I have been thinking about where we are at, and how we have dealt with that issue personally this week, I see the necessity of something more like a “system restore.” You know, when your computer has been working just fine, and then suddenly you notice lots of glitches or shut-downs. Or maybe you installed a new program and suddenly there are quirks in your system. You aren’t sure what is wrong or how to fix it, exactly. Maybe, like me, your first instinct is to re-start the computer. But that doesn’t work! My next step is normally to do a system restore. It’s pretty simple, actually—just choose a “restore point” (before those pesky problems cropped up!) and have the computer return to the settings that were saved from that day and time. Bingo! It almost always works for me. Then, if I want to install that new software, or if I was trying to work on something in particular, I return to it—usually without a problem.

When we go through seasons of difficulty (such as we have for the past month and a half) and then begin to see problems—and particularly when we know that that there are no “quick fixes,” but rather painful realities of simply buckling down and persevering in our relationship with God and with one another—it is easy to get discouraged. To feel like throwing in the towel, because it’s too overwhelming. And the feeling of guilt is there, too, which certainly does NOT help matters!

Enter “system restore.” I decided early this week that this was our only solution. I needed to ditch the guilt and the “if only’s,” and START OVER—just return to what we had previously been doing, even though in my mind’s eye there was no way to just clean a slate that had gotten a bit sloppy. So we went back to solid training, genuine encouragement and positive relationships, and corrective discipline as necessary. No talking about it—just doing it. And of course, things always get worse before they get better, don’t they? All of us are feeling a bit stretched, but I remain encouraged—because we are simply getting back to a place we have already been. It feels a bit like Revelation 2:5 (though certainly not in context!): “Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.”

Sometimes seasons in life change us, or change what we are doing (and not necessarily for the better). I suppose the tendency is to over-psychologize or to swing the pendulum to the opposite extreme (sometimes causing MORE problems)—but there should be none of that with a “system restore.” We must simply be willing call a “do over,” and then do even the “hard” things when life suddenly seems messed up. Just get back going in the right direction!

Now, back to the computer analogy…after a “system restore,” you will usually go back to whatever it is that you were doing, right? If you had installed a new program that caused glitches, or if you had changed an existing program that was messing things up, you will re-visit that after a system restore, and try again to do the new thing. Sometimes those changes are necessary to upgrade and optimize your system.

Well, one thing that we have done is to slightly revise our use of the Core Value Progress Chart along with the “system restore.” (The CVPC is available as a free download when you sign up for our e-newsletter here.) In The Values-Driven Family, we talked about using the CVPC as an as evaluative a tool twice each day for our children’s character training—and it still is just that. However, we are now several children removed from the writing of the book and life has gotten immeasurably busier. Some time ago, we decided to do the charts just in the evening, and then only on weekdays. That worked fine for quite a while. Now, however, we have been feeling consistent pressure during the bedtime routines to “make it all happen.” With another child now using the CVPC (we’re up to five of age) doing charts is a bit of a chore! But it is such a valuable way to encourage Christlike character that we are not willing to abandon it.

As we have been striving to return to normalcy this week and get back-to-basics, I have also re-done the Core Value Progress Chart. Instead of each child having his/her own, I made up a single “master list” for ALL of the children. That alone makes going through the charts much easier. What we have also done, however, is to put the chart in a plexiglass refrigerator frame and I attached a wet-erase (not dry-erase) marker to it. This makes the chart totally re-usable each week—I love the idea of not using so much paper!

And rather than wait until the evening to do a post-mortem review of the children’s day, I am more proactively trying to note (and encourage) positive behaviors throughout the day and check (or “X,” for negative behaviors) each child’s chart accordingly. It is a good opportunity to encourage an as-needed change in direction, actually. It is nice to be able to glance over the chart at lunch time and say, “Gee, I did notice that you were being a little bossy to your sister. That would normally give you a ‘ding’ on your chart (which is what we accidentally started calling those X’s…), BUT, if you can make some progress with speaking more kindly and lovingly this afternoon, we’ll be able to give you a check instead. Let’s try to do it God’s way!”

All in all, this process revision has been working very well. It provides more consistency in our biblical values training and streamlines the evening routines (with not so much of the charts to do for each child, many things already having been noted throughout the day).

We take the opportunity to evaluate our family’s progress (particularly in spiritual and character growth, but also on the practical to-do’s) on a regular basis. The more often we do this, the more likely we can make small changes (like the “re-boot”) that can keep us moving in the right direction. However, when we go through prolonged seasons that have more far-reaching consequences, a “system restore,” with some thoughtful changes in routine, may be in order. Don’t be discouraged if this is the case in your family. Instead, be thankful that the Lord continues to guide you and give you wisdom in making necessary changes. Trust that He will continue to work all things for good. And in all things, remain diligent—both in day-to-day tasks and (especially) in the spiritual disciplines that are necessary for abundant life.