Author: valuesdr

The Benefits of Essential Daily Routines

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Back-to-school time! It can be a stretch for everyone to get back into the habit of schooling. Even if you homeschool and “school all year,” there’s still a special laid-back feeling to summer. Getting everyone going again in the Fall can be a challenge. And if your house is anything like ours, new routines are often met with resistance (or, better stated, bad attitudes). In a previous newsletter, we talked about organizing time with routines rather than a schedule, so this time I thought it would be helpful to take a look at some of the more specific routines that we have found helpful to integrate into our days.

We had been only slightly out of these “routines” this summer, as we took a bona fide summer vacation for once. I finished up my Defeating Depression audio seminar and worked on some other things that I have wanted to get to for a while. The children enjoyed the free time outside and at the pool, and pursued some creative projects of their own as well. But then, we were radically out of the usual routines during our 10-day trip across the country to CT and Canada for visits with family. We began to see some negative attitudes and behaviors after this prolonged departure from “the usual”, and we knew the time had come to get back to the basics!

You may be experiencing a bit of this in your home as you get your children back to school. Even if not, we’d like to share with you some of the elements that we have proactively set in place, to help keep things running smoothly and to battle bad attitudes before they rear their ugly heads. These help us all deal with life’s ups and downs with a little more equilibrium. The daily routines that we have found most helpful are: family devotions, personal Bible reading and prayer, chore times, daily training times, and character training.

You will notice that “school time” is not one of the routines. Yes, this needs to be part of your time organization/schedule if you homeschool, but it is not one of the essential foundations. The essential foundations have more to do with being than with doing—and these are the things that affect our attitudes the most. By attending to these “first things first,” academic routines and other “doings” are a lot easier on everyone.

For us, each day starts with family devotions. We get together in the living room and spend a short time reading the Bible and praying together. There’s no “magic” to it, and no particular formula—but when we don’t get our day started off on the right foot with this routine, it usually isn’t long before we realize we’ve missed it! I love the words of Psalm 5:3: “In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” As we focus on the Lord in the morning, we certainly go into the day “expecting” God’s presence and His answer to prayer. You can read more specifically about our family’s devotional routines in this comprehensive excerpt from The Values-Driven Family. Of all of our daily routines, this is one of the most important.

As well, individual family members try to set aside personal time with the Lord. I usually manage to get up a bit earlier than everyone else, and I love the “quiet time!” The children all have Bible and prayer time after breakfast, older children with their Bibles and younger children with storybook versions. The pre-readers often convene on the upstairs couch to “read” Bible stories together and discuss them with me; my older boys usually separate to the bedroom or downstairs couch so the little ones don’t disturb them. I try not to be legalistic about the children having this time, as I don’t want to make Bible reading seem like a punishment or a burden; rather, we began this routine with a gentle daily encouragement: “Why don’t we all grab a Bible and read for a few minutes, to see what God has for us today!” I also don’t associate any “rules” or assignments with this time. I have told the children that I sometimes use a journal in my quiet time, other times copy down and memorize Bible verses, sometimes study with a concordance, or otherwise just read. Much as my own devotional time varies, so does theirs. I may ask them about their quiet time or what they have read, but there is no pressure to perform. This has made daily times with the Lord a happier habit for everyone to develop.

Another proactive part of our daily routines that keeps things on a consistently even keel is chore time. It takes some time to train the children in doing chores, but with patience, good modeling, positive encouragement, and (later) quality-control checks, it is an investment well worth the pay-off. We talked about children and chores in a previous newsletter, and also have a small section of The Values-Driven Family devoted to the topic. Daily chore times are a good habit that helps to maintain a general sense of order and peace in the home. With this structure and these work habits in place, other “doings” (such as school routines) are met with less resistance when they are introduced.

Daily training times are one of my favorite routines. (We have been totally out of this routine almost all summer, and it is painfully obvious.) Sometimes our daily training times are brief (5 minutes) and sometimes they are as much as a half-hour in length—but they are always beneficial. Any time we see something that needs work (or if we want to proactively address certain areas so as not to get to that point), we engage in a fun and enjoyable “training time” to address these topics. We train in safety issues, like fire escape and what to do if you get lost from Mom or Dad in a public place. We train in manners (how to interrupt adult conversations politely, saying “please” and “thank you” and table manners). Other training topics include: picking up toys, putting away toys, shoes, or toothbrushes in their proper places, and even baby care. Click here to read more about this topic (straight from The Values-Driven Family), including practical child training tips and techniques. Or, read our article, “The Softer Side of Child Training” for a condensed version.

We also try to consistently focus on character training. We capitalize on everyday “teachable moments” and bring the Scriptures into our everyday experiences. While this is not a “routine,” per se, it is arguably one of the most valuable habits that we have developed. Family devotions and personal Bible time are important, but learning to view everyday actions, reactions, and decisions in the light of God’s Word has most powerfully affected our childrens’ heart attitudes, character, and (ultimately) behaviors. One way that we do try to make character training more of a routine is to use the “Core Value Progress Chart” every evening with our children, to encourage their growth in Christlikeness and discuss ways they can improve in doing things “God’s way.”

Coupled with these basic routines, we also make a habit of “relationship building” with our children. If we fail to maintain a heart-connection with our kids, all of our other efforts may be in vain as we strive to raise them to love and serve the Lord. A book we read quite some time ago which was most helpful in shaping our thoughts on this topic is Keeping our Children’s Hearts by Steve and Teri Maxwell.

If you find it difficult to introduce new “doings” into your family’s daily schedule, or if you encounter bad attitudes in response to your requests, perhaps you will find it helpful to take a step back to focus on some of these essential foundations. Implementing daily family devotional times, having personal time with the Lord, attending to chores on a daily basis, and training both in practical matters and in character, all reap great rewards as family members strive to grow in Christ together.

Thoughts on the Death of a Rooster

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We are getting ready to go on vacation over Labor Day and don’t really have anyone who can come over twice a day to let the chickens in and out. Since we haven’t had any problems with predators this season, we decided to experiment with leaving them out all night. It sure would be mighty convenient if we could go on vacation and not worry about our birds!

Well, the experiment went well for the first few nights. But then, we got a nighttime visitor–we think it was a fox. He snuck in at about 3:30 AM. The rooster crowed, and crowed, and crowed some more. The dog (in the house with us) barked an alarm. My husband got up and turned on the outside light, and even shined a spotlight in the direction of the chicken coop. Trouble is, the coop is a bit further away than the range of the light. Normally he would have gone out–because trouble was certainly brewing–but for some reason he decided not to (maybe because it was 3:30 in the morning?).

Needless to say, in the morning, we were rooster-less.

I wondered aloud to my husband, “Why do they always go after the roosters?” But then I answered my own question: “Well, no…the roosters always go after them.”

I always mourn the loss of a rooster, because they are the protectors of the hens. They run toward danger, not away from it. If something is threatening our flock of birds, the rooster sacrifices his own life to save the lives of others. Sounds melodramatic, I know–but it’s true.

An interesting thing that I also noticed is that once the rooster is gone, the hens scatter. Where once they all stayed in a group under his watchful eye (and dangerous spurs), now the hens wander about aimlessly–not even in a protective group any more. Whereas they normally stay in the back or side yard and can find plenty of food there, now they are as far away as our front field or the lean-to behind the garage. We even find them in the garage!

Each time we lose one of our “heroes,” it causes me to reflect upon how fathers serve a similar function in the family; they are the spiritual “roosters!” It is a father’s job to keep out the wolves of false teaching, to shelter his children enough so that their growing faith is protected, and to insure that family remains as one, with a common purpose.

Lest you think that I mean any disrespect for single moms, or discount the efforts of those mothers who carry a significant part of the burden for their families–I don’t. Moms have to do what the dads can’t or don’t. In fact, one of the only hens we’ve ever lost was the Momma Hen who was protecting her chicks. She ran right toward the attacker–next in line after the rooster. Both of them were the only casualties on that occasion.

In any case, losing a rooster causes me to reflect, with admiration, on my own husband’s role in our family. He is at the forefront of our common pursuit of the things of God. When I am weak, he is strong for me. He faithfully instructs our children in God’s Word and lives a life of example–even in the humility of confessing his own failures. And when the enemy attacks, he is steadfast in prayer and in the Word of God. He would rather that he bear the brunt of an attack (spiritual or physical) than that one of us should be vulnerable.

That’s why I’m always a little sad when we lose one of our roosters.

Convicted by my own words!

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Have you ever had this happen to you? You correct one of your children, only to reflect back upon your own words and have God convict you of the very same thing? I think it’s ironic when that happens, and it has been happening to me a lot lately. Here are just a couple of examples:

Ya know, honey, everyone is working right now; could you try to do your job without grumbling?

Sweetheart, you’re doing the exact right thing with the exact wrong attitude.


Oh, and there have been a few more comments, which were very obviously pointing at ME as they came out of my mouth. I just can’t remember them all right now.

It’s a good reminder to me on two fronts:

  • I need to look in the mirror as I address my children’s character deficiencies. They don’t say “The apples don’t fall far from the tree” for nothin’. Granted, there are plenty of times when this doesn’t apply, but probably just as many when it does.

  • It is important to be authentic with our children. (I’ve talked about that before, but it’s worth repeating.) We can’t pretend with our kids; they know our weaknesses just as much as we know theirs. I like to be in the habit of offering sympathy when I am able–and I suppose I haven’t been as sympathetic lately as I could be. After all, which is nicer to say: “Ya know, honey, everyone is working right now; could you try to do your job without grumbling?” OR, “I suppose there are other things I’d rather be doing right now, too. And, yes, it is hot. BUT, I’m trying to praise God for the good things and remember to work as if working for the Lord. And you know, you can help me with that. If we all do our work quickly then we’ll be DONE–and maybe we can read some books together.”

What are you saying to your kids that God might be saying to you?

Some (perhaps unusual) Time- and Money-Saving Tips

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With the economy being what it is right now, we’re hearing from lots of folks who are having a harder and harder time making ends meet. Money-saving is a big deal, and every little bit helps. And since we’re all about making the most of every opportunity, time-saving is important, too. When we get to do both, it’s a bonus. I thought I would share a few of the more unusual ways that we save both time and money in our home:

  • Shower every other day, and wash up on alternate days. Some people may already be in this habit, so it’s nothing new–but we were always big on showering every day. It’s a great idea, to be sure, but maybe not absolutely necessary. Of course, if you’re going in to work every day, interact with lots of people, and feel like they might know that you haven’t showered, or if you work hard physically and sweat a lot, you can ignore this one. 🙂 However, showering (or bathing) every other day saves on hot water. When you have as many as we do in our family, that can be a significant savings. Saves time, too–getting all those kids in and out of the bathtub!
  • Do laundry on an as-needed basis. This is a habit of many that I know in large families. If you wash and wear something new every day, you’ll do inordinate amounts of laundry! Save money on detergent & water use, and save time by re-wearing clothes if they’re not visibly dirty or smelly (this works a little better in winter than in summer). For the record, we do change our underclothes everyday–I hope that’s a given. 🙂 Pants, shorts, etc. tend to stay cleaner for longer than shirts, so don’t wash both if only one is dirty. However, you don’t have to wear the same thing multiple days in a row–just re-fold or hang to freshen them up (maybe even squirt with water from a spray bottle & pull out the minor wrinkles), then take them out again in a few days. Again, this may not work if you are out “in public” every day, but it’s good for Mom and kids at home!
  • Clean on an as-needed basis. I have to admit, it was almost shocking for me, several years ago, to read Teri Maxwell’s suggestion in Managers of their Homes about only changing sheets when they “needed” to be changed (like when they are visibly dirty, wet or smelly) instead of automatically changing them every week just because your mother always did it that way. However, this simple advice has helped me save on cleaning solutions and time, because not only do I only wash sheets “as needed,” but we generally clean “as needed” as well. Granted, we “need” to clean pretty consistently, but instead of doing a whole-floor mop, sometimes we just sweep and then spot clean with a spray bottle and cloth. Rather than vacuum the floor, if it’s not too bad, I might just carpet sweep some of the obvious “junk” or even sweep it with a broom and dustpan. And, yes, the sheet-changing thing goes without saying at this point. This tip is probably more a time-saver than a money-saver, but time certainly has a great deal of value on its own.
  • Shop simple. I have to be honest, I don’ t have the time or patience to coupon shop or go to multiple stores. I find that coupons are mainly for convenience or “luxury” items that we rarely purchase, anyway. Plus, I’ve got six kids in tow and we live about 20 miles from the nearest town–so once-a-month shopping (and to a limited number of stores) is my best advice for those of you in a similar situation. We don’t have to buy eggs because we have chickens, but if there’s no reason they won’t last for the whole month. We have goats, too, so fresh dairy is a non-issue as well. Before that, though, we either used powdered milk after the fresh gallons were gone, or I froze milk for use later in the month. We stock up on “staple” fresh fruits and vegetables and try to get things that won’t spoil quickly (like apples, oranges and melons in season. We do love bananas but have to eat those more quickly or mash & freeze for banana bread.) Greens will usually last 3 weeks if they are as fresh as possible from the store and I pick through them every few days to remove any wilting leaves that will spoil the rest. Think staple foods! Shopping simply can save both time and money.
  • Cut down on those convenience foods by home-cooking. If you have limited time, you can always cook and freeze in advance. Or, when you do have time, make or pre-assemble some of the components of your upcoming days’ meals and leave them in the fridge to save time during daily meal preparation. For example, make and store a big batch of rice. You can spice it up with some butter, parmesan cheese, and parsley for a side dish at dinner, then put some in your soup for lunch the next day. You can even make a rice pudding for dessert on day three! Fry up a large batch of hamburger, using some for enchiladas on evening one (just add some refried beans and salsa for the filling), and then make an “easy beef stroganoff” on evening three, filling in evening two with something non-beef for a little variety. Hopefully you get the idea with these simple examples. We try to eat healthy, but simple.

These are just a few of my ideas. Do you have any (perhaps unusual) tips to share? Please leave a comment–we love comments. 🙂 And, I decided to post a “Sample Simple menu” on our main Web site; click here to go there and check it out!

Developing a Workable Routine

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Organization…are you organized? I admit, I could do a lot better at some aspects of it (for example, my filing system and folders need a total overhaul.) One thing that I do like, though, is the way our time is organized and optimized.

Transitioning from vacation to schooling (if you do have “summer vacation,” which some homeschoolers don’t) can be difficult. No one—Mom included!—likes going back to the rigidity of a schedule after the flexibility and freedom that summer often brings. So one thing we typically re-visit before a new school year is our daily schedule, to see if it needs any re-organization.

Scheduling. That’s a loaded word, and often inspires dread in the mom who just hasn’t gotten the hang of it yet. I used to do it. I used to love it. But I used to hate it, too. Why? Because for as many days as a schedule helped me to feel productive, there were days that the productivity was at the expense of relationship-building, discipleship opportunities with the children, and what have you—things, frankly, that were more important than what was on my schedule. But my schedule too often ruled the day!

We wrote extensively about developing a good working schedule in The Values-Driven Family. However, by the time you get to my most recent book, The Growing Homeschool, you will see a paradigm shift in the focus, from schedule to routine. Now, instead of scheduling every day and every task to the half-hour and feeling guilty when it’s not done (or allowing those tasks to drive us and feeling guilty about missed opportunities), we develop a solid routine for our day that is based on our well-defined priorities.

Would we re-write The Values-Driven Family? Well, we have actually talked about it, since we’re in a bit of a different place now as far as scheduling goes. However, a rather lengthy period of using a schedule was necessary for us, and highly beneficial in many ways. Scheduling helped us grow in necessary self-discipline. It helped us to examine our daily tasks and see where our time was going. It helped us to be better stewards of our time. I wouldn’t “not” recommend it as a tool for making the most of every opportunity (which is what we’re all about here at Values-Driven!).

So with or without some scheduling experience under your belt, how do you shift into a solid routine that will ensure that all of your vital priorities are being met? Well, the first thing you need to do is decide what those priorities are, and try to set them in order of importance. Husband and wife need to talk together about what is most important to each of them, and why, since there will not always be instant agreement. However, this is a vital conversation, and much stress and frustration can be avoided when both partners are on the same page.

How is this helpful? Well, oftentimes I “think” that the house is a mess and so home management becomes Priority One. I get to bustling around the house and pretty soon I’m telling the kids, “Sure, I’ll be there in a minute. Just as soon as I’m done with [insert task].” But, then I stop and think about my husband’s priorities. He wants the house to be “neat,” so that we are prepared to practice hospitality and be welcoming to potential guests in an instant. However, he prefers to invest the maximum amount of time in relationship-building, life skills, and discipleship opportunities. When I find myself cleaning “too much,” I know that I’m not doing my best to meet my husband’s expectations—and frankly, I trust in his wisdom to lead our home and know that his choices are probably better than mine (even if my perfectionist instincts disagree). So I switch gears and drop what I’m doing, then get back on track with the higher priorities.

Your husband’s duties may be different from yours and will most likely include providing for the family through work. You may or may not need to be concerned with that. I’m talking here about the priorities that will guide your day as you manage your home and possibly, your homeschool. What does your husband think you should focus on? What are your preferences as to how time will be spent? Some couples will agree that academics are important and should be addressed as a priority in homeschooling; other families focus on discipleship as the heart of the homeschool. You don’t have to agree with “everyone else,” but you and your husband must be in agreement as to how things will work in your home.

Some things to consider in setting your priorities and putting them in order are:

  • Work for income, if it is necessary for you
  • Discipleship of your children (teaching and modeling God’s Word, and bringing the Scriptures alive through everyday “teachable moments”)
  • Ministry opportunities in your community
  • Building family relationships
  • Homeschooling (and your focus: academic, life-skills oriented, or discipleship-based, as well as the amount of paperwork/planning you need to do to meet state requirements or fulfill your personal obligations)
  • Home management roles and expectations (housekeeping, grocery shopping, bill payment, and all other things related)

For us, we view discipleship and family relationships as priority one; ministry opportunities are usually second in line, then homeschooling (however, integrating all-of-the-above is the ideal). My home-based work for income usually ties in last place with home management—and home management is usually the more pressing of the two. However, there are seasons where I’m working on a project (like my just-released Defeating Depression seminar) and home management takes a back seat. As well, I try to coordinate those projects with a school vacation or part-time schedule of schooling if need be, so that I’m not overwhelmed and so that everything can be reasonably accomplished.

Likewise, what if we are expecting company? Well, home management may be the more important task of the day (if we’ve been letting things slide a bit), so we might call a “work day” and the children will get excused from some of their homeschooling to help with the clean up effort.

From these two examples alone, you can see why a routine is preferable to a schedule! Each day is different, and some days our priorities have to be re-ordered according to circumstances. However, those priorities are a necessary guide in the midst of the busyness of day-to-day life.

A routine is also preferable, because some days “accomplishing” those priorities takes different amounts of time and cannot be neatly segmented into the 30-minute increments of the typical daily schedule. Some days it seems like we’re capitalizing on one “teachable moment” after another (read: some days the kids seem to be getting into all kinds of trouble, and bickering about everything, and not doing their jobs!) However, that’s discipleship at its best—and that’s a priority! On the other hand, some days are light on discipleship, so we will focus on homeschooling and get a lot done to “make up” for any lost time on other days.

Truthfully, I think that the difference between a schedule and a routine is faith. Are we seeking God and prayerfully doing our best to do what He wants us to do? Are we listening to the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit as He prompts us to change direction? Can we be flexible enough to submit to God’s plan, particularly when it is adversity or annoyances that reveal the change in direction? If so, then a routine is an ideal tool and allows us to accomplish all that is in God’s will for our day. Conversely, a rigid and unforgiving schedule only causes us to try to “do it all” in our own strength—and that can be quite frustrating!

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps” Proverbs 16:9

Good parenting article

valuesdr

Read a great parenting article by Steve Nelson of Premediated Parenting.

There is lots of good advice on his web site. His book is great as well.

I also urge you to take a look at his series on “Chicken Evangelism.” It’s humorous, serious, and convicting, all at the same time. You can find the series on our sister blog at www.greatcommissionfamily.blogspot.com.

Summer Fun–Children and Chores?

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A while back we touched on the topic of summer fun–because, of course, everyone wants some good ideas for filling that extra time, right?

Well, now, how about putting your kids to work? 🙂

A quick tip for a good way to spend some of your extra time with the kids this summer (if there is such a thing as “extra” time…): how about training your children on some new chores that a little more challenging for them? For example, since we have been on vacation, my seven year-old has gotten really good at making eggs for breakfast. We eat a lot of those–praise God for our chickens! 🙂 It is helpful for me, and I can tell that he enjoys the feeling of accomplishment in doing something that his big brother or Mom usually do. Likewise, my five year-old is making bottles for her baby brother and my three year-old is learning to vacuum. Giving the children new tasks encourages them to grow and be productive. It is a great benefit to the household and a big boost for their self-esteem as well, to be contributing members to the family.

With that, I’ve just posted every day this week. That is some kind of new record!

Am I doing enough?

valuesdr

This week has been incredibly busy for me. I have several projects that I am working on, and Marc is away so things are all on me at home, as well. It’s actually been all good, but there have been moments of doubt. Am I doing enough? And by that, I don’t mean, is my to-do list getting checked off fast enough–I mean, am I investing the necessary time and effort into my relationships with the children and their discipleship in the faith? The days have been good, but has there been enough going on that is of eternal significance?

These dangers of busyness have been on my mind, so I’ve actually been proactive in making sure that there aren’t any deficiencies in these all-important areas. I have been trying to stay close to the Lord myself, knowing full well that apart from Him, I can do nothing.

I have also been praying more for the children. In the hustle and bustle of every day, as I go through the paces of training, encouraging, and disciplining, I tend to overlook the fact that my part in the children’s spiritual growth and development is quite small. I can try to fill their minds with the Word and promote certain behaviors through rewards and punishments, but only God can work in their hearts. So as we go about our “doings” each day, I am trying to be more mindful to send up a quick prayer along with each and every correction, exhortation, and rebuke. Because, if the Spirit of God doesn’t work in my children’s hearts, what I do will be meaningless.

One of my favorite Scriptures to pray for the children is Isaiah 30:20-21: “though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide Himself any more, but your eyes will constantly behold your Teacher. And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.” When my children are facing difficult circumstances or struggling to learn from a correction, I pray that the Lord will reveal Himself to them, and that He Himself will teach them–not me, with my words or my discipline, but God, by His Spirit. I want them to hear the voice of the Lord behind them, giving them wisdom and direction for each step along their path.

Being a parent sure makes me realize how much I need Jesus.

Lessons Learned

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I’ve been battling a urinary tract infection for the better part of the last two weeks. I know that those of you who have had one will sympathize (thanks!). I’ve been trying to get rid of it by drinking tons of water and taking my cranberry pills and echinacea. While this regimen normally works within a few days, and I wondered why this time it wasn’t doing its job, I stubbornly resisted medical intervention. Am I the only one who hates the doctor and really wants to avoid prescriptions?

Anyway, I finally went to Prompt Care last night. I actually enjoyed being out without the children for a few hours! However, even though the clinic closed at 8:00, I was there till almost 9:00–then had to wait at the pharmacy for my prescription. So it was almost 10:30 when I got home. As I walked up to the front door, my 9 year-old flew out of it, all talk about how Dad had just called the police to come and look for me, they expected me home a long time ago, and Grandpa wasn’t sure if he needed to worry.

Oh. my.

You see, my husband is in Georgia this week (having left just this morning). He has our one cell phone with him. Would I ever have thought to use a pay phone to call Grandpa, who was home with all the kids? Did I even know what time it was? (I can’t remember the last time I wore a watch!) My husband had called the Indiana state police about 20 minutes before I arrived home. He wasn’t sure which clinic I had gone to, knowing of two near-by towns that I might be in. What pharmacy would I go to afterward? Hmmm…dunno.

So, lessons learned–and valuable lessons, so I thought I would share with y’all.

  • When you are traveling (and especially when your kids are with a sitter) leave a detailed driving plan, even if you don’t have a contact phone number.
  • It might pay to get one (or a second) cell phone…that’s what I’ll be doing tomorrow. We’ve balked at spending the extra $35 or whatever dollars, as there are precious few dollars some months as it is. But, it sure would have been nice to have this evening.
  • If you don’t have a cell phone, it can’t hurt to find one of those old pay phones and use it…even if you think it’s probably not that late and nobody will be worrying about you, anyway.
  • Maybe, just maybe, you might have to give in and go to the doctor once in a while. But try to make an appointment if you can.