Category: home management

Conversations…

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All this week I’ve been squirreled away in the office downstairs virtually all day. Marc wants me to edit his new book so that we can get preview copies ready for January, which puts us on a pretty tight timeline. Since I’ve been busy with that project, he has been managing the home and children and doing the homeschooling. Interesting change of events, to say the least. On the one hand, a nice break for me; on the other hand, I miss the usual activity and having all my little ones around me all day. I look for excuses to go upstairs off and on throughout the day. 🙂

I had to relate a conversation I had with Deborah, our three year-old, late yesterday afternoon during one of my impromptu visits upstairs. The children had just finished their afternoon jobs.

We are finally recovering from our annual “ladybug infestation,” which is the result of having a soy field in our front yard. Every year, right after the fields are harvested, the displaced ladybugs start to look for new homes–and our home happens to be nice and warm, as it begins to get chilly outside! They find their way in through cracks in the windows, log walls…who knows? But here they are. We vacuum them, usually. But many just come in and die of natural causes, so there are tons of little ladybug carcasses lying around for a couple of weeks in the late fall.

ANYWAY, I’m making a short story long… Deborah’s job yesterday was to clean up the carcasses that have been littering the stairs going from the main level up to our lofted master bedroom. I have a really hard time using the vacuum on the stairs, so Daddy asked Deborah to use the little broom and dustpan to sweep them up. Unfortunately, the broom thing wasn’t really working for her on the carpeted stairs–so she decided to pick them all up BY HAND! Daddy was impressed with her diligence and complimented her immensely. But here is our afternoon conversation about it all–I do WISH you could have HEARD her. She has soooo much personality!! Try to imagine the inflection (and her passion), OK?:

Deborah: OH! MOM!! I did my HARDEST JOB EVER today!! I picked up ladybugs off of your stairs ONLY WITH MY HANDS. It took me a REAL LONG TIME and I didn’t like it at all!! It was my WORST JOB!

Me: (with a laugh and a smile…she’s so cute!), “Aren’t you supposed to ‘work with all your heart, as working for the Lord’?”

Deborah: OH! I DID!! I actually LOVED my job…I just didn’t really like it. Not at all! But I LOVED it!!

——————————————-

Then, there was a really nice conversation with my sweetie as we got ready for bed last night. 🙂

I’m in my first trimester…you know, the totally tired weeks…and have been feeling really bad that lately we put the kids to bed and I’m ready to go upstairs and fall right asleep. Usually Marc and I have some good time together before we finally head to bed, but I’ve barely managed to keep my eyes open lately. So last night as we were tooth-brushing, I said, “I’m sorry I’ve been so tired and blah lately!”

His response: “Are you kidding? You’re a blessing! After spending all this time with the kids this week, I’m realizing how much you do around here!”

Awwwwwwww…..

The Benefits of Essential Daily Routines

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Back-to-school time! It can be a stretch for everyone to get back into the habit of schooling. Even if you homeschool and “school all year,” there’s still a special laid-back feeling to summer. Getting everyone going again in the Fall can be a challenge. And if your house is anything like ours, new routines are often met with resistance (or, better stated, bad attitudes). In a previous newsletter, we talked about organizing time with routines rather than a schedule, so this time I thought it would be helpful to take a look at some of the more specific routines that we have found helpful to integrate into our days.

We had been only slightly out of these “routines” this summer, as we took a bona fide summer vacation for once. I finished up my Defeating Depression audio seminar and worked on some other things that I have wanted to get to for a while. The children enjoyed the free time outside and at the pool, and pursued some creative projects of their own as well. But then, we were radically out of the usual routines during our 10-day trip across the country to CT and Canada for visits with family. We began to see some negative attitudes and behaviors after this prolonged departure from “the usual”, and we knew the time had come to get back to the basics!

You may be experiencing a bit of this in your home as you get your children back to school. Even if not, we’d like to share with you some of the elements that we have proactively set in place, to help keep things running smoothly and to battle bad attitudes before they rear their ugly heads. These help us all deal with life’s ups and downs with a little more equilibrium. The daily routines that we have found most helpful are: family devotions, personal Bible reading and prayer, chore times, daily training times, and character training.

You will notice that “school time” is not one of the routines. Yes, this needs to be part of your time organization/schedule if you homeschool, but it is not one of the essential foundations. The essential foundations have more to do with being than with doing—and these are the things that affect our attitudes the most. By attending to these “first things first,” academic routines and other “doings” are a lot easier on everyone.

For us, each day starts with family devotions. We get together in the living room and spend a short time reading the Bible and praying together. There’s no “magic” to it, and no particular formula—but when we don’t get our day started off on the right foot with this routine, it usually isn’t long before we realize we’ve missed it! I love the words of Psalm 5:3: “In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” As we focus on the Lord in the morning, we certainly go into the day “expecting” God’s presence and His answer to prayer. You can read more specifically about our family’s devotional routines in this comprehensive excerpt from The Values-Driven Family. Of all of our daily routines, this is one of the most important.

As well, individual family members try to set aside personal time with the Lord. I usually manage to get up a bit earlier than everyone else, and I love the “quiet time!” The children all have Bible and prayer time after breakfast, older children with their Bibles and younger children with storybook versions. The pre-readers often convene on the upstairs couch to “read” Bible stories together and discuss them with me; my older boys usually separate to the bedroom or downstairs couch so the little ones don’t disturb them. I try not to be legalistic about the children having this time, as I don’t want to make Bible reading seem like a punishment or a burden; rather, we began this routine with a gentle daily encouragement: “Why don’t we all grab a Bible and read for a few minutes, to see what God has for us today!” I also don’t associate any “rules” or assignments with this time. I have told the children that I sometimes use a journal in my quiet time, other times copy down and memorize Bible verses, sometimes study with a concordance, or otherwise just read. Much as my own devotional time varies, so does theirs. I may ask them about their quiet time or what they have read, but there is no pressure to perform. This has made daily times with the Lord a happier habit for everyone to develop.

Another proactive part of our daily routines that keeps things on a consistently even keel is chore time. It takes some time to train the children in doing chores, but with patience, good modeling, positive encouragement, and (later) quality-control checks, it is an investment well worth the pay-off. We talked about children and chores in a previous newsletter, and also have a small section of The Values-Driven Family devoted to the topic. Daily chore times are a good habit that helps to maintain a general sense of order and peace in the home. With this structure and these work habits in place, other “doings” (such as school routines) are met with less resistance when they are introduced.

Daily training times are one of my favorite routines. (We have been totally out of this routine almost all summer, and it is painfully obvious.) Sometimes our daily training times are brief (5 minutes) and sometimes they are as much as a half-hour in length—but they are always beneficial. Any time we see something that needs work (or if we want to proactively address certain areas so as not to get to that point), we engage in a fun and enjoyable “training time” to address these topics. We train in safety issues, like fire escape and what to do if you get lost from Mom or Dad in a public place. We train in manners (how to interrupt adult conversations politely, saying “please” and “thank you” and table manners). Other training topics include: picking up toys, putting away toys, shoes, or toothbrushes in their proper places, and even baby care. Click here to read more about this topic (straight from The Values-Driven Family), including practical child training tips and techniques. Or, read our article, “The Softer Side of Child Training” for a condensed version.

We also try to consistently focus on character training. We capitalize on everyday “teachable moments” and bring the Scriptures into our everyday experiences. While this is not a “routine,” per se, it is arguably one of the most valuable habits that we have developed. Family devotions and personal Bible time are important, but learning to view everyday actions, reactions, and decisions in the light of God’s Word has most powerfully affected our childrens’ heart attitudes, character, and (ultimately) behaviors. One way that we do try to make character training more of a routine is to use the “Core Value Progress Chart” every evening with our children, to encourage their growth in Christlikeness and discuss ways they can improve in doing things “God’s way.”

Coupled with these basic routines, we also make a habit of “relationship building” with our children. If we fail to maintain a heart-connection with our kids, all of our other efforts may be in vain as we strive to raise them to love and serve the Lord. A book we read quite some time ago which was most helpful in shaping our thoughts on this topic is Keeping our Children’s Hearts by Steve and Teri Maxwell.

If you find it difficult to introduce new “doings” into your family’s daily schedule, or if you encounter bad attitudes in response to your requests, perhaps you will find it helpful to take a step back to focus on some of these essential foundations. Implementing daily family devotional times, having personal time with the Lord, attending to chores on a daily basis, and training both in practical matters and in character, all reap great rewards as family members strive to grow in Christ together.

Some (perhaps unusual) Time- and Money-Saving Tips

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With the economy being what it is right now, we’re hearing from lots of folks who are having a harder and harder time making ends meet. Money-saving is a big deal, and every little bit helps. And since we’re all about making the most of every opportunity, time-saving is important, too. When we get to do both, it’s a bonus. I thought I would share a few of the more unusual ways that we save both time and money in our home:

  • Shower every other day, and wash up on alternate days. Some people may already be in this habit, so it’s nothing new–but we were always big on showering every day. It’s a great idea, to be sure, but maybe not absolutely necessary. Of course, if you’re going in to work every day, interact with lots of people, and feel like they might know that you haven’t showered, or if you work hard physically and sweat a lot, you can ignore this one. 🙂 However, showering (or bathing) every other day saves on hot water. When you have as many as we do in our family, that can be a significant savings. Saves time, too–getting all those kids in and out of the bathtub!
  • Do laundry on an as-needed basis. This is a habit of many that I know in large families. If you wash and wear something new every day, you’ll do inordinate amounts of laundry! Save money on detergent & water use, and save time by re-wearing clothes if they’re not visibly dirty or smelly (this works a little better in winter than in summer). For the record, we do change our underclothes everyday–I hope that’s a given. 🙂 Pants, shorts, etc. tend to stay cleaner for longer than shirts, so don’t wash both if only one is dirty. However, you don’t have to wear the same thing multiple days in a row–just re-fold or hang to freshen them up (maybe even squirt with water from a spray bottle & pull out the minor wrinkles), then take them out again in a few days. Again, this may not work if you are out “in public” every day, but it’s good for Mom and kids at home!
  • Clean on an as-needed basis. I have to admit, it was almost shocking for me, several years ago, to read Teri Maxwell’s suggestion in Managers of their Homes about only changing sheets when they “needed” to be changed (like when they are visibly dirty, wet or smelly) instead of automatically changing them every week just because your mother always did it that way. However, this simple advice has helped me save on cleaning solutions and time, because not only do I only wash sheets “as needed,” but we generally clean “as needed” as well. Granted, we “need” to clean pretty consistently, but instead of doing a whole-floor mop, sometimes we just sweep and then spot clean with a spray bottle and cloth. Rather than vacuum the floor, if it’s not too bad, I might just carpet sweep some of the obvious “junk” or even sweep it with a broom and dustpan. And, yes, the sheet-changing thing goes without saying at this point. This tip is probably more a time-saver than a money-saver, but time certainly has a great deal of value on its own.
  • Shop simple. I have to be honest, I don’ t have the time or patience to coupon shop or go to multiple stores. I find that coupons are mainly for convenience or “luxury” items that we rarely purchase, anyway. Plus, I’ve got six kids in tow and we live about 20 miles from the nearest town–so once-a-month shopping (and to a limited number of stores) is my best advice for those of you in a similar situation. We don’t have to buy eggs because we have chickens, but if there’s no reason they won’t last for the whole month. We have goats, too, so fresh dairy is a non-issue as well. Before that, though, we either used powdered milk after the fresh gallons were gone, or I froze milk for use later in the month. We stock up on “staple” fresh fruits and vegetables and try to get things that won’t spoil quickly (like apples, oranges and melons in season. We do love bananas but have to eat those more quickly or mash & freeze for banana bread.) Greens will usually last 3 weeks if they are as fresh as possible from the store and I pick through them every few days to remove any wilting leaves that will spoil the rest. Think staple foods! Shopping simply can save both time and money.
  • Cut down on those convenience foods by home-cooking. If you have limited time, you can always cook and freeze in advance. Or, when you do have time, make or pre-assemble some of the components of your upcoming days’ meals and leave them in the fridge to save time during daily meal preparation. For example, make and store a big batch of rice. You can spice it up with some butter, parmesan cheese, and parsley for a side dish at dinner, then put some in your soup for lunch the next day. You can even make a rice pudding for dessert on day three! Fry up a large batch of hamburger, using some for enchiladas on evening one (just add some refried beans and salsa for the filling), and then make an “easy beef stroganoff” on evening three, filling in evening two with something non-beef for a little variety. Hopefully you get the idea with these simple examples. We try to eat healthy, but simple.

These are just a few of my ideas. Do you have any (perhaps unusual) tips to share? Please leave a comment–we love comments. 🙂 And, I decided to post a “Sample Simple menu” on our main Web site; click here to go there and check it out!

Developing a Workable Routine

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Organization…are you organized? I admit, I could do a lot better at some aspects of it (for example, my filing system and folders need a total overhaul.) One thing that I do like, though, is the way our time is organized and optimized.

Transitioning from vacation to schooling (if you do have “summer vacation,” which some homeschoolers don’t) can be difficult. No one—Mom included!—likes going back to the rigidity of a schedule after the flexibility and freedom that summer often brings. So one thing we typically re-visit before a new school year is our daily schedule, to see if it needs any re-organization.

Scheduling. That’s a loaded word, and often inspires dread in the mom who just hasn’t gotten the hang of it yet. I used to do it. I used to love it. But I used to hate it, too. Why? Because for as many days as a schedule helped me to feel productive, there were days that the productivity was at the expense of relationship-building, discipleship opportunities with the children, and what have you—things, frankly, that were more important than what was on my schedule. But my schedule too often ruled the day!

We wrote extensively about developing a good working schedule in The Values-Driven Family. However, by the time you get to my most recent book, The Growing Homeschool, you will see a paradigm shift in the focus, from schedule to routine. Now, instead of scheduling every day and every task to the half-hour and feeling guilty when it’s not done (or allowing those tasks to drive us and feeling guilty about missed opportunities), we develop a solid routine for our day that is based on our well-defined priorities.

Would we re-write The Values-Driven Family? Well, we have actually talked about it, since we’re in a bit of a different place now as far as scheduling goes. However, a rather lengthy period of using a schedule was necessary for us, and highly beneficial in many ways. Scheduling helped us grow in necessary self-discipline. It helped us to examine our daily tasks and see where our time was going. It helped us to be better stewards of our time. I wouldn’t “not” recommend it as a tool for making the most of every opportunity (which is what we’re all about here at Values-Driven!).

So with or without some scheduling experience under your belt, how do you shift into a solid routine that will ensure that all of your vital priorities are being met? Well, the first thing you need to do is decide what those priorities are, and try to set them in order of importance. Husband and wife need to talk together about what is most important to each of them, and why, since there will not always be instant agreement. However, this is a vital conversation, and much stress and frustration can be avoided when both partners are on the same page.

How is this helpful? Well, oftentimes I “think” that the house is a mess and so home management becomes Priority One. I get to bustling around the house and pretty soon I’m telling the kids, “Sure, I’ll be there in a minute. Just as soon as I’m done with [insert task].” But, then I stop and think about my husband’s priorities. He wants the house to be “neat,” so that we are prepared to practice hospitality and be welcoming to potential guests in an instant. However, he prefers to invest the maximum amount of time in relationship-building, life skills, and discipleship opportunities. When I find myself cleaning “too much,” I know that I’m not doing my best to meet my husband’s expectations—and frankly, I trust in his wisdom to lead our home and know that his choices are probably better than mine (even if my perfectionist instincts disagree). So I switch gears and drop what I’m doing, then get back on track with the higher priorities.

Your husband’s duties may be different from yours and will most likely include providing for the family through work. You may or may not need to be concerned with that. I’m talking here about the priorities that will guide your day as you manage your home and possibly, your homeschool. What does your husband think you should focus on? What are your preferences as to how time will be spent? Some couples will agree that academics are important and should be addressed as a priority in homeschooling; other families focus on discipleship as the heart of the homeschool. You don’t have to agree with “everyone else,” but you and your husband must be in agreement as to how things will work in your home.

Some things to consider in setting your priorities and putting them in order are:

  • Work for income, if it is necessary for you
  • Discipleship of your children (teaching and modeling God’s Word, and bringing the Scriptures alive through everyday “teachable moments”)
  • Ministry opportunities in your community
  • Building family relationships
  • Homeschooling (and your focus: academic, life-skills oriented, or discipleship-based, as well as the amount of paperwork/planning you need to do to meet state requirements or fulfill your personal obligations)
  • Home management roles and expectations (housekeeping, grocery shopping, bill payment, and all other things related)

For us, we view discipleship and family relationships as priority one; ministry opportunities are usually second in line, then homeschooling (however, integrating all-of-the-above is the ideal). My home-based work for income usually ties in last place with home management—and home management is usually the more pressing of the two. However, there are seasons where I’m working on a project (like my just-released Defeating Depression seminar) and home management takes a back seat. As well, I try to coordinate those projects with a school vacation or part-time schedule of schooling if need be, so that I’m not overwhelmed and so that everything can be reasonably accomplished.

Likewise, what if we are expecting company? Well, home management may be the more important task of the day (if we’ve been letting things slide a bit), so we might call a “work day” and the children will get excused from some of their homeschooling to help with the clean up effort.

From these two examples alone, you can see why a routine is preferable to a schedule! Each day is different, and some days our priorities have to be re-ordered according to circumstances. However, those priorities are a necessary guide in the midst of the busyness of day-to-day life.

A routine is also preferable, because some days “accomplishing” those priorities takes different amounts of time and cannot be neatly segmented into the 30-minute increments of the typical daily schedule. Some days it seems like we’re capitalizing on one “teachable moment” after another (read: some days the kids seem to be getting into all kinds of trouble, and bickering about everything, and not doing their jobs!) However, that’s discipleship at its best—and that’s a priority! On the other hand, some days are light on discipleship, so we will focus on homeschooling and get a lot done to “make up” for any lost time on other days.

Truthfully, I think that the difference between a schedule and a routine is faith. Are we seeking God and prayerfully doing our best to do what He wants us to do? Are we listening to the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit as He prompts us to change direction? Can we be flexible enough to submit to God’s plan, particularly when it is adversity or annoyances that reveal the change in direction? If so, then a routine is an ideal tool and allows us to accomplish all that is in God’s will for our day. Conversely, a rigid and unforgiving schedule only causes us to try to “do it all” in our own strength—and that can be quite frustrating!

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps” Proverbs 16:9

To-Do List: Tool or Task-Master?

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If you are like me, you have a daily to-do list. You write down everything you want to accomplish, and you feel a sense of success with each added item you get to cross off. Sometimes, when days get hectic, the to-do list is an anchor and allows you to feel some sense of control over those things which are totally out of your control.

If you’re anything like me, a to-do list is a necessary productivity tool. But sometimes you probably notice that it becomes more of a stumbling block. Here are some things that I have noticed about my to-do list:

1. My to-do list is not always in order of priority, although it should be. Often times, I put things I “want” to do before things that need to be done.

2. Sometimes, the absolutely necessary tasks of daily life are not even found on my to-do list! I write down things like “do laundry,” “Doctor’s appointment” and so on, but have never seen an action item like, “Read Bible verses with the children about positive communication,” or “Send Marc an e-card just to say I Love You.” Hmmm…

3. The to-do list can become not a tool, but a burdensome taskmaster. What if it doesn’t all get done? How can I maximize, multi-task, and get more done?? Well, maybe the things that I think are important, didn’t really need to get done today. Did I pray about my to-do list? And do I remain in prayer about my to-dos throughout the day? Am I letting God show me the way He wants me to go, or am I going full-speed ahead with my own plans? (Sigh…)

4. While I am “doing,” what are my children “doing?” The to-do list most assuredly does not help us with “being.” Instead, in my rush to do more and have the children cooperate with my plans, I can be irritable and get frustrated. Soon, everyone is speaking abruptly to one another and the atmosphere is far from peaceful. Or, maybe I am simply not investing enough in the children and in our relationships, and we do not experience the joy that God wants for our family.

I knew that today would be a busy day. There is suddenly a lot going on in the Carrier home, and much needs to be done. But in my early-morning time with the Lord, as I prepared my mental “to-do” list, I asked God for wisdom and continual guidance. I wanted my plans to be His plans so I could be sure that all the truly important “stuff” would be accomplished. And I developed a totally new To-Do list based on Proverbs 31, which would help me stay focused on both eternal and practical priorities. I think it will help me to be productive, yes, but also help my productivity be pleasing to God.

It’s all part of “pressing on.” 🙂

Outward Chaos, Inner Peace

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Maybe you don’t suffer from the same perfectionist tendencies that I do. But I can’t count the number of times that my husband has laughed at me for being unable to walk by the end table and NOT straighten up the stack of books. Or leave the forgotten (name the toy) in the middle of the living room floor–even when more pressing things are going on. So as you can imagine, I would normally be perturbed (to a great degree, in fact) about the condition of my home yesterday afternoon:

However, I found myself rather at peace inwardly, in spite of the disorder on the outside. Why? I don’t know. Honestly, it was a bit unusual. But instead of being in a rush to DO all the “stuff,” I was praising God for a BEAUTIFUL Spring afternoon. Glad that my kids could FINALLY be playing outside…and wanting to be outside to enjoy it with them! So I was in and out, doing a little of this and a little of that in the house (because, as you can see, there was a great deal to do!) AND hanging out enjoying my kids and the beautiful weather.

I was also trying not to focus on the immense amount of work that our Sam’s Club trip & other errands were (even given that we used Click ‘n Pull, which–IMHO–is a God-send!). Instead, I was just SOOOO thankful for NEW FOOD!! The last week of March was a stretch, as our grocery budget isn’t going as far as it used to.

And, at 4:15–when I realized that if I kept up my current pace the house would continue in this downward-spiraling direction and we wouldn’t eat dinner until 6:30–I called the kids in from outside for an Emergency Clean-up. One boy put away clean dishes and washed a few more. Another did “clutter control” and put away a bunch of the things that were laying around. The girls put their laundry away and set the table for supper. I finished putting *most* of the groceries away and had one of the boys drag the cart outside. (Praise God for the cart!!) A concerted half-hour effort actually normalized things amazingly well.

The wood pile (or, rather, where the wood pile WAS) is still in need of cleaning. And today I DEFINITELY have to attack that huge laundry pile. But in spite of the chaos, yesterday was a great day.

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3 (NIV)

Some of Our Favorite Sites

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Sometimes I love exploring link lists, other times I don’t feel like scrolling through them. When I do check out a new site, I have a bad habit of thinking, “Oh, this is cool!” and then I bookmark it, but don’t return to it regularly enough to make the most of it. My husband often complains about how disorganized my Favorites links are; maybe that’s why so many good sites languish there.

There are a few sites, however, that I’ve returned to more faithfully, so I wanted to compile a list that might be helpful to all you internets out there. I’ll try to keep it organized. I may update the list once in a while, but I’ll do my best to do it justice the first time around.

Home Management Links

 

  • www.moneysavingmom.com/. Links for printable coupons, the latest & greatest deals at stores like Walgreens, CVS, and Target, and tips for beginning bargain-hunters.

 

  • www.angelfoodministries.com. An income-independent food service programs whose mission is the stretch your family’s grocery dollar. They offer monthly packages of various kinds at very good prices. Some do not like the pre-packaged food items included, but AFM also offers a fresh fruit & veggie box that is a good value.

Homeschooling Links

    • www.oldfashionededucation.com. A sister site to Hillbilly Housewife, this site offers links to free homeschooling resources (literature and textbooks), organized by subject area.

 

  • www.gutenberg.org. Thousands of freely available, public-domain ebooks. These usually require some formatting before you print them yourself, but I like the solid Biblical and character emphases of many of these older texts. I haven’t found the search tool particularly user-friendly, but if you know what you’re looking for, this site is a must to bookmark.

 

 

  • www.kids.askacop.org. This is a site full of links related to safety (fire safety, stranger safety, road safety, and more). It has coloring and informational pages for kids as well as online games and safety-related stories. Being homeschoolers and, by default, home most of the time, it’s easy to feel insulated from dangers of various kinds–but we cannot overlook proactive training in this area.

 

 

  • www.crayola.com. This is one of my favorite sites for kids’ art. It has an online art tool, printable coloring pages, and lesson plans for neat activities that the whole family can do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parenting Sites

 

  • www.pluggedinonline.com/. Not a parenting site, but necessary for proactive parenting. Use this tool to evaluate current music, movies, video, and other media from a Christian perspective and make informed decisions for your children and family.

 

Spiritual/Church Sites

    • www.aboverubies.org/. This site has some wonderful articles to encourage women in their godly calling as wives, mothers, and managers of the home.

 

  • www.boldchristianliving.org/. Some informational articles on different aspects of Christian living and parenting; I always come away challenged to “come up higher” in my walk with God.

 

 

  • www.kidsofcourage.com/. This site has stories and activities about modern-day persecution in the Church, designed specifically for children. I’ve found this an invaluable site for sharing with the children 1) the blessing of being able to worship freely and 2) the reality of persecution when we stand for Christ. We also receive the free Voice of the Martyrs publication so that we can read through it as a family: www.persecution.com/.

 

 

 

 

 

Miscellaneous

 

  • www.worldnetdaily.com/. Marc’s favorite source for news with a Christian world view. No TV in our home. Internet news is Marc’s means of staying current.

 

  • www.wikipedia.org/. An online, open-source encyclopedia–a great place to begin your research.

Dangerous Intersection: Homeschool and Life…

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Last time we got a little philosophical on homeschooling, so now how about something a little more practical? Our planner/organizer pages for homeschooling are another download that attracts lots of visitors, and that gets me thinking about the difficulty of intersecting home management and homeschooling.

I recall reading in my last issue of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, “10 Tips for Successful Homeschooling,” (or something like that…sorry, I don’t have it in front of me right now). Anyway, the article was written by a mom of eight children, and her tips were good ones. One of her suggestions, though, gave me pause. She advised not do “housework” during school time, but to set aside a chunk of time during the day and keep it just for academics. I remember being surprised that she could do that with eight children! I don’t know about you, but at my house there’s always something else going on at “school time,” especially with several little ones (preschoolers) underfoot.

Maybe that was a goal—an ideal? I didn’t get that impression from the article, but it sure doesn’t seem exactly practical to me. Not that I’m knocking someone else’s way of doing things; it sure sounds like a great plan. I’d love to be able to compartmentalize things that way! But, like I said, when the rubber meets the road, I wonder how it’s possible to actually do it? I know that when we start “school time” in the morning, sometimes I have to interrupt my school-agers’ routine so they can hold the baby while I change the toddler’s diaper. Or have one of them run and get me a towel to deal with the spilled…whatever on the floor. Granted, I do try to keep interruptions to a minimum—but life inevitably goes on. If it’s not housework, it’s often “something else.”

And then there’s one of the questions that came up in “Managers of Their Homes” (a great book by Terri Maxwell—I highly recommend it!). What do you do when you have school time scheduled to cover certain subjects each day, and the assignment doesn’t get finished during the allotted time? Do you scrap the remainder of the assignment (going back to it during the next scheduled period for that activity) or do you let the child finish—which skews the “next” thing? Terri recommends staying with your time schedule and returning to the work during its next slated block. Makes me think of a friend of mine, whose daughter always seems to be playing “catch up” with schoolwork on Saturday—sometimes for a good part of the day—just for this reason. That’s no fun for anyone!

So what’s a homeschool mom to do? We need to address academics, yes. We all could use more hours in the day—so scheduling may help. But then again, it’s often a hard task-master. Setting aside “school-only” time is a great ideal, but “life” sure does happen, no matter how you try to keep it out of the way.

I’ve found that, for us, it’s important to have a “first things first” mindset about homeschooling. And that doesn’t necessarily mean setting aside “school time” in the morning and letting everything else go until later in the day. We do have time that’s earmarked for academics, but it’s helpful to be forgiving about how our time, overall, is utilized. When I see my school goals for the day getting interrupted by distractions, difficulties, sudden errands, or other things, I have to take a step back (often take a deep breath…and pray), and then remind myself to prioritize. And, honestly, academics aren’t in the number one spot. We can homeschool 24/7 and 365, so I don’t worry about “when” it will happen. I know that it will! Instead, I deal with the more important matters–the things that are of eternal value.

What that means is that first, I recognize that we are growing in Christ and want to glorify Him in all that we do. So we focus on character development, living the Word, sharing the Gospel, and all that is most valuable to the Lord. So what do we do when a child’s assignment isn’t getting done in the time period that I would like? Well, first, I make sure that my expectations have been realistic. Sometimes it’s an error on my part that causes frustration. Then, we capture that “teachable moment” and talk about what is important to God in this situation—not the assignment getting done (because we can always learn multiplication or state capitals or “whatever” another day)—but that we exhibit the character of Christ by working diligently, or by having a positive attitude about work, or by praising God for whatever circumstance we’re in. We encourage one another with topical Scriptures, pray together for a fresh start, provide encouragement if something is difficult, teach (or re-teach) if necessary, and move on in our lesson. Even if we “waste” a half-hour over these character training issues, is it really a “waste?” Maybe today we’ll have to scrap an assignment that we’d rather not—but it’ll make for a better day tomorrow! And, my children will be growing in Christ, which I consider to be of greater value than all of our academics.

Second, we are a family. We deal with each other and with real life as-it-happens. These are some of our most valuable lessons! When my older children are trying to work at the dining room table and the toddler blows through the area with her pint-sized vacuum (and boy, do I love the sound of that on our tile floor!), yes, I encourage her to go use her vacuum in the living room (on the softer, quieter carpet), and yes, I’ll remind the boys that they can go downstairs if the noise is getting distracting…but it’s also not a big deal to me if I invite the boys to stop and smile at their sister, or if they interrupt what they’re doing for a few minutes to talk to her and laugh about something. Maybe we’ll go “over” on our allotted time for their assignment, but in the meantime we’re building our family relationships and enjoying one another. Again, you just have to ask yourself, what is of greater value?

We’ve found it very helpful to “start” with a schedule. It’s a necessary discipline that helps us to determine what needs to be done, and to find out just when we’ll have time for each piece of the puzzle. Then, it’s nice to work ourselves “out” of that schedule a bit and experience the freedom of a really good routine. Because didn’t I mention that a schedule can be a hard task-master? It is often what gives us the idea that academics are for school time and real life isn’t allowed to interrupt. It can be what causes us, as parents, to neglect teachable moments when we can impart God’s Word to our children at a key time when their hearts will receive its truth. It can also be what makes us miss out on loving and enjoying one another as a family.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that it’s “bad” to have a schedule. If you do have one, then I think it’s just wise to realize that God is the author of our hours and that He will very often have a different plan than we do. So don’t get too rigid. That’s where we fall down! And remember our last newsletter article about the foundations of homeschooling? The heart of Christian homeschooling is Jesus Christ and our relationship with Him. Don’t sacrifice the relationship for a bunch of rules. If God wants something to get done, He’ll give you time to do it. If you’re frustrated and scrambling to make things happen, you’re probably trying to accomplish something that can reasonably be put off until another time…or maybe doesn’t need to be done at all. Ask God, and don’t be pressured by your own ideals or compare yourself to “the Joneses.”

Yeah, I know that as homeschool moms we have lots on our plates. It’s hard to balance it all. We don’t want to drop any of the balls we’re juggling—they’re all important! So have a plan, and work a plan—but be willing to let “life” interrupt it. Let GOD interrupt it. And rest assured that what “needs” to get done, will get done. Be realistic in your expectations: what your house looks like (i.e., how clean it will be), your academic goals for your children (does it really matter if they don’t know every detail about the Punic Wars? I don’t know if that’s ever been relevant in my life!); and, especially, the fact that interruptions will happen.

When “school” gets interrupted by “life,” remember your priorities. Put first things first. So when your child doesn’t get an assignment done during its allotted time, do you drop it and move on, or do you press through and finish—even if that means afternoon chores are sacrificed? Well, maybe on Monday it’s the former, and on Tuesday it’s the latter. Both are viable options. Ultimately, I think it’s helpful to just ask yourself, Why is God allowing this circumstance? Seek wisdom about how to manage every moment. If God has asked you to homeschool, He will equip you. Just remember to seek Him. Don’t get so caught up in the hustle-and-bustle that life (including schooling!) is just the sum of what you “do.” Abide in God’s presence and remember that it’s all about Him.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NIV).

"Change Management"–in the Home

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Change is the only thing in life that is constant. If we are to successfully manage our homes and families, we must respond to the changes. Our goals and the decisions we make and the methods we apply to reach those goals are all dynamic. We, as managers, need to respect this fact of life and apply wise methods of identifying problems, developing solutions, and implementing solutions such that our long term objectives are not jeopardized by the ebb and flow of change in our lives.

In this blog, I want to discuss change management. If it sounds like I am talking “project management” talk, it’s because I am a project manager. And you know what?: you are too! Home management and parenting are both project management at its finest.

The other day Cindy and I were wrapping up our budget for the month. That’s when we input the final straggling receipts and see how everything measures up. We balanced for the month perfectly—and were very pleased. However, I noticed a few “red” categories—a couple that were WAY off. We had overspent on gasoline by $164 for the month. We also overspent on groceries and utilities.

Immediately I pulled down the graphs for each of these categories and saw that we were indeed over-budget—and consistently so for the past several months. The conclusion: our budget estimates and the allotted amounts for these categories were insufficient. So, I adjusted the categories up a bit and lowered some other discretionary categories to make the budget balance again. For those of you who use the free budget tool, I suggest you use the graphs to monitor trends and make adjustments accordingly as well. In this way, you can manage your spending with accuracy and confidence. If you don’t use the tool, I suggest you get a copy—it’s free, and very powerful! (Visit the downloads page at http://www.valuesdrivenfamily.com/). See also a previous post on the use of the tool (including images of the charts and graphs).

So what were the steps involved for this “change management?” First…

1. Evaluate metrics: Look at the project plan and see how you are doing. In this case, it’s looking at the budget trends and seeing how we were performing.

2. Identify a problem: Budget categories were not tracking according to plan.

3. Determine the root cause: The amounts allotted were insufficient—gas prices, utility costs, and grocery costs were increasing, entirely out of our control. We were already minimizing travel, being wise with utility usage, and being frugal with grocery purchases. Therefore, it was just the cost of living going up.

4. Develop a solution: If we were not already optimized in these areas, we could resort to implementing practical solutions like traveling less, more frugal shopping, and turning lights off more and burning wood. Since we already do these things, the only solution is more funds to cover the present expenses.

5. Implement the solution: We upped the respective categories to amounts that put us on track and found discretionary categories to pillage.

6. Revisit the plan: After change is implemented, always check your plan and make sure that your overall goals are still being met. In this case, it was simply a balanced budget with all of our spending, savings, giving, and fiscal obligations being met.

Now this was a simple example that we can all understand. But what about implementing change in some more complex areas? Specifically (and even more importantly): what about your parenting, and the discipleship of your children? Guess what? The same principles apply! It becomes a tad bit more complex, because the average parent does not typically have a plan for their children. However, if you and your spouse took the time to discuss what your goals are for your children, you’d realize that you do have one. For those of you who are just trying to survive through the parenting years, I urge you to consider getting more proactive.

Now if you have a plan, and are doing things to achieve your goals for your children, how are you measuring results? Their behaviors? Your gut feeling, or emotions, on their spiritual, or other, condition? These things are good, but may not provide you with the information you need to implement effective change management. Step 1 above is to evaluate metrics. So get beyond your own initial reactions and thoughtfully consider, where is your child’s heart? Are they receiving instruction, submitting to the Lord’s will, and growing in Christlikeness? These are some of our goals—things we monitor.

When we identify a problem (step 2), we look for trends. If trends exist, we seek to understand the underlying cause (step 3). Behaviors are superficial. What is the heart condition leading to the behavior? The source may be one of us, as parents. Or, maybe it’s the delivery: how we communicate, interact, or instruct our children. Maybe we are not spending enough time with the child. Maybe we need to reiterate what the Word says about certain issues, or clarify respective roles. The possibilities are numerous. But the obvious point is that we must introspectively search out the root cause—and with not just a little prayer. Talk to the child, pray about it, use your noggin, and discuss it with your spouse. God will give you the insight.

Now that you hopefully have the root cause of the issue, develop a solution (step 4). What can be done to get things back on track? Parents, be willing to humble yourselves here and come clean if you are indeed the source of the problem. The fresh start is worth the blow to your pride. If the child needs some heart change, work the matter with the tools at your disposal—the Word, the rod, and your loving encouragement.

Step 5 (implementation): just do it! Go ahead and implement your solution.

Step 6: Revisit the plan. Take a good look at your plan; what are your goals? Are your current solution implementation and changes you’ve made consistent with your parenting goals? If not, something needs to change—either your goals, or your methods. Adjust accordingly—again, with much prayer.

I hope that some of these practical tools will benefit you in some way. Don’t let change and problems discourage you. Remember that all challenges are opportunities for growth and improvement (Romans 8:28).

For much, much more detail on these principles and proactive planning in the home, as well as the Biblical basis and application of the parenting “tools,” pick up a copy of The Values Driven Family. Also keep your eyes peeled for my newest book, Values Driven Discipleship. I hope to release it real soon.

God bless you,

Marc

Altering the Atmosphere: RE-BOOT!

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Yesterday was “one of those days” for us! It wasn’t a BAD day, by any stretch of the imagination, but it wasn’t super, either. The kids were “off,” and I was “off,” too. We were all putting in a good effort to “do it God’s way,” but it probably wasn’t our BEST effort. I can’t say that the kids were arguing with one another (as we are quick to discipline when they do), but they just seemed to be talking a bit unkindly. Certainly not the “gentle answer that turns away wrath.” They weren’t neglecting their chores or getting distracted by play…but they weren’t moving as quickly as usual, either.

It seemed like everything I tried to do experienced problems of one sort or another. (Particularly, computer problems of all sorts…AND I was tired, anyway!!) Although I wasn’t YELLING at the kids, my younger son told me I didn’t have a particularly “gentle and quiet spirit” either. 🙂 I think my communications were a bit abrupt–I can’t say I was in the mood for conversation, and the constant correction of different things started to wear on me by mid-morning.

All of us were sort of expecting the “off” day to take a turn for the worse and become a BAD DAY at some point. So, thankfully, I remembered our strategy for dealing with these sorts of days, and implemented it before it was too late!

We talk about this effective “mood-altering” method in The Values-Driven Family, but I’ll summarize it here as well, just in case you haven’t yet read the book. Actually, there’s no point in re-inventing the wheel, so I’ll just paste in an excerpt directly from the book… 🙂

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“…when everyone is worn thin and everybody is in a bad mood (frustrated, tired, or just plain irritable), things do not just change by themselves. In fact, you can expect the tone in the home to go from bad to worse, if left unchecked. After this incident, I talked to my wife, all the while thinking that the situation was somewhat what it feels like when my computer is acting up. It can be painfully slow or some features can simply stop working. So how do I respond (being as patient as I am with computers)? I click faster and harder and get frustrated that things just seem to slow down more—or, ultimately, the computer just seizes. How do I get things back to normal again? Reboot: Control—Alt—Delete! Immediately I saw how the concept can also apply to the family.

First, control the situation. Recognize that the environment is not healthy and that the team can’t continue down this path. In our home, we stop everything and call a REBOOT. Everyone gathers in a room and sits down. I (or Cindy, if I am not there) tell the family that the mood is dismal and must change.

Next, alter the path. Ask the family if they want to have a blessed day. Ask them if they feel blessed now. Then tell them that we need to start over and live by the core values so that we can experience the joy, peace, and success God has in store for us that day.

Finally, delete the past. All misdeeds are forgiven. Children receive a clean slate for their encouragement charts and full opportunity to get all their marks. Every person (moody adults included) must give every other member of the family hugs and kisses and tell them they are sorry for being crabby or for doing whatever it was they had done to contribute to the mood crisis.

This method is exceptional! It really works. We have done this and have turned the tone 180 degrees in our home. Rebooting is a staple part of maintaining peace and joy in our home. It helps parents and children alike to recognize that peace, joy, and success are a choice. We as a family unit can set a joyful and loving tone in the home. Implementing this method encourages everyone in the family to come on board as a team and choose to take advantage of the new start offered.

This is a great reflection of the grace that God extends to us through Christ, offering a fresh start when we’ve chosen the wrong path and come to him in repentance. We urge you to try this method in order to reduce the expression of negative emotions that threaten to wreak havoc in your home. The Bible says, “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with strife” (Proverbs 17:1)—this is so true! Little else matters in a home with a negative tone.
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And, true to form, the re-boot was a success! I wish I hadn’t waited until lunch time to do it. 🙂 God was nice enough, afterwards, to remind me just how long it’s been since we’ve needed to use the “RE-BOOT.” But it’s a really good tool to have in your parenting tool box. We all have “one of those days,” sometimes.