Category: home management

Children and Chores

valuesdr

The “Why” and “How” of Putting Your Kids to Work

We are blessed to have kids who contribute in a very measurable way to the smooth functioning of our home. That’s important when you have a family as large as ours. We’re also blessed to see the generally great attitudes that our children have toward their daily jobs.

However, these things didn’t just “happen.” We, as parents, had to train and encourage our children in this area, just as in every other area of their growth and development.

Why put your children to work? Well, besides the fact that it’s helpful for the management of the home in the short-term, think of the long-term benefits. What are we raising our children to do? Well, hopefully, to WORK. As adults, that’s our lot in life! Yes, we want our children to enjoy their childhood, but we have to prepare them for wage-earning adulthood. That starts at a very early age as we encourage the children to learn new tasks and contribute to the cleanliness of the home. If you give your children an allowance or payment for chores, this allows them to learn money management skills early in life, as well.

Working together as a family, with each member doing his or her part, also brings a sense of comaraderie. While playing together has its place (and its merits), our work gives us a common goal that really promotes team-building.

How do you put your children to work–especially if you haven’t started at a young enough age when children are most receptive to this type of training? Well, just do it! Sounds simple, but let’s think about some of the things that may help with this.

You’ve probably heard the expression, “The apples don’t fall far from the tree.” It’s a well-known saying because it’s true! So if you want your children to work diligently and have good attitudes toward their work, first you have to look in the mirror. Dads, do you come home and complain about your boss or talk about incidents at work in a negative ligt? Moms, do you drag your feet about keeping up with the house, or make comments like, “All I ever do is clean up after everyone else!” Unfortunately, we most often see our weaknesses as parents manifested in our children, rather than our strengths–so think about what you’re saying and doing as you go about your work and be willing to make any changes that may be necessary if you want to encourage your children to make progress in this area.

Once that important step has been tended to, then you can get to the more practical implementation. First, TRAIN your children properly in how to do any of the chores you will assign to them. This is key to experiencing success in this area. How would you feel if you were asked to do something but were not given the tools you needed, or the necessary instruction to make sure you knew how to do it properly? It would certainly be frustrating. So, no matter how much of an effort it is, or how difficult it seems for you as a parent to invest the time in training–think of what a pay-off there will be once you do the initial work that is required!

Start small children on small jobs. As soon as they can play with toys, they are old enough to pick them up. Even before our children can walk, we will bring the toy basket over to them and encourage them to “clean up” and put the toys in the basket when they are done playing. When I change a toddler’s diaper, she can throw it in the garbage. When I get her dressed, she can put her dirty clothes in the laundry. As young as 18 months, our children are helping their older siblings to unload the dishwasher (we keep all our dishes in a low and easily-accessible cabinet so that this task is easily done by even the littlest ones!). When it’s time to get ready to go somewhere, they can bring their shoes to Mom to be put on. They can throw things in the garbage as others go about with housekeeping chores. Every toddler loves to walk around with a broom, imagining that she is “helping”–so capitalize on this early imitation to encourage a love of work. Even if it’s not particularly helpful at first, it’s still instilling a positive lesson in your growing children.

As children age, provide them with more challenging jobs. Try to mix it up a little so they’re not always doing the same things. Our four-year-old recently was going through a really “whiny” phase and we decided to try to encourage her to do more “big girl” things. She was quickly trained on cleaning the bathroom sink and toilet and in changing her little sister’s diaper. Doing these different tasks–ones normally done by her older siblings–really helped her to show a little more maturity.

Let’s face it, we don’t all enjoy our work all the time! So if your children balk at one job in particular, perhaps have a sibling help them so they can enjoy some conversation while the work is getting done. Or, allow siblings to trade jobs with one another (as long as they can properly agree on this!) I try to put on some uplifting music during morning chore time, as well. This is also a good time for you, as a parent, to praise sincere effort and encourage the children to “work as for the Lord,” (Colossians 3:22-24) to stay diligent and do their best work (Proverbs 10:4), and to praise God for…all the things that are praiseworthy (even if the job at hand isn’t!–see Philippians 4:8).

Our favorite rule at “job time” comes straight from 2 Thessalonians 3:10 (NIV): “‘If a man will not work, he shall not eat'”–even our 2 year-old can quote this verse! We don’t eat breakfast (or snack, or dinner…whatever the next “meal” is) until everyone does their jobs. And when one child is done, he’s expected to go help a sibling to finish up their work (unless they’re not being diligent, of course–then they’re on their own, and the rest of us will eat without them. This doesn’t happen very often, but it does happen!)

What if the children complain? Well, personally–we try not to take it too personally. We all feel that way sometimes! But, it’s a good opportunity to encourage an attitude of praise. Remind them of what is praiseworthy. Remind them that you’re just doing your best as a parent to prepare them for a lifetime of work. Provide them with alternating periods of work and play or rest. A few minutes of relaxation on the couch, a read-aloud together, some free-play time, or just an enjoyable meal, can all be a reward for a job well done. Make sure to build blessings into the completion of work. Sometimes, when I see a child have a particularly good attitude toward his work, or if she is trying hard to do a thorough job, I’ll surprise them by offering them a little treat like a small candy or something. This goes a long way in encouraging children in their chores. But of course, words of praise are sometimes the best reward.

It’s important, too, that you are working along side of your children. Although you may not be doing the same job at the same time, if the children are doing chores, you should be busy, too, Mom! While sometimes I might want to use that time to tend to personal matters, it’s a good example to the children if we all engage in productive tasks together and work together to put our home in order. If the children complain about being asked to do something, I will gently point out what “I” am doing, and remind them that sometimes we all need to help each other. Usually they are quick to acknowledge this fact and are almost always willing helpers. On the other hand, what kind of example is it if I’m asking the children to do something simply for my convenience or because I’m too “lazy” to do it myself? Then they will feel “used,” and rightly so. It’s good for them to learn to serve, but they shouldn’t be made to be slaves! Chores that contribute to home management should be considered as “team-building” activities for the whole family.

You may find it helpful to post a family chore chart or other organizational tool so that everyone knows what they are expected to do each day. This really reduces stress for mom, particularly when there are lots of children in the house. It also may help to post a “clean room” checklist in a prominent location so that children can refer to the list to make sure they’ve done all the necessary steps for each task. When Mom does a “quality control check,” there are usually fewer things to correct if children have pre-emptive reminders in place. Visit our Web site at http://www.valuesdrivenfamily.com/ for free chore chart downloads and other practical tools for the family.

Please comment if you have anything that’s been particularly helpful in your home when it comes to the sometimes-challenging area of children and chores!

Stewardship Tips using the VDF Excel Budget Workbook

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One of my favorite resources that we offer at Values-Driven is the Excel Budget Workbook, part of the Home Management Bundle. This tool was a labor of love prepared by yours truly (Marc) many moons ago. I happen to be an Excel guru and so, when I could not find commercially-available budget software that did what I wanted it to do—I made one! The more I got into it, the more features were added. Then a couple friends of ours had financial management woes and I decided to universalize the tool for anyone to use.

For those of you who’ve downloaded this workbook, let’s go through the many features of the tool that will help you and your family be better stewards with the resources God has entrusted to you. First, let’s understand the basic premise behind the tool. This is not your average budget; instead, we created and use it as part of our household stewardship paradigm. If you are a cash (non-credit) family, you’ll understand perfectly how it works.

The Excel program works as an annual budget, essentially putting money in “buckets” so that if we do not spend the allowed monthly amount in a given category, we have some left over for the remaining months of the year. Conversely, if we overspend, it reduces the allotment for that category evenly for the remainder of the year. Everything is designed to balance for the year—and the fiscal year can start on whatever month you choose. (We use calendar year, personally.) The tool allows you to spend according to a cash-like system using the payment option of your choice—cash, check, or credit.

The average budget is designed for planning but does little for stewardship (in other words, it is difficult to see how you are tracking with your plan). In our experience, most budget-users (unless they use cash exclusively or check exclusively) end up just doing a post-mortem review at the end of the month and hope they did well. Being a professional project manager and an instructor in the discipline, that was not good enough for me. What is the point of planning if you can’t ensure that you are tracking to plan and will end on plan? Useless! So I designed a tool for real-time tracking and one that allows for iteration (making changes on the fly). It’s all in there.

However, for it to work effectively (and this is usually the hard part!), both spouses must save receipts and input the data into the workbook ledger in real-time. This is what creates accountability to the spending plan. Otherwise, the budget will do nothing except put some great theoretical numbers on paper. Both spouses must agree up front on the spending plan and live by it. Pray it up and get the Lord’s concurrence on where your resources should go. If you’re over-extended in one category on month A, you can always “rob Peter to pay Paul” so that the overall budget balances for that month, but the idea is to stick to the overall spending plan. In this way, all of your spending, giving, and saving objectives will be met.

This is where good communication is key, both when developing your budget figures and when inputting the information on a daily or weekly basis. Decide who’s going to do the tracking—one or both of you? Where will receipts be kept? Will one of you be primarily responsible for spending in each category? For example, we have categories for school and houseware expenses, which are primarily Cindy’s responsibility; I, on the other hand, usually fill out the auto maintenance and yard & garden categories. If one of us plans on making a purchase in the other’s “usual” domain, we just make sure to double-check the current budget inputs and talk about it first. This eliminates confusion.

Let’s move on to the details. (Most of the guidance below is listed in one form or another in the “user’s guide” tab [red] at the bottom of the workbook.)

Perhaps obviously, it all starts with setting your income and expense categories.

1. Go to the “budget setup” tab (yellow). Start by putting in your income. We put annual take home pay and estimates for other sources (rental income and product sales). Be sure to use 52 checks for weekly paycheck employees and 26 for bi-weekly. Otherwise, it won’t add up correctly. This is what you have to spend. The tool will split the income up evenly for the 12 months, knowing full well that most months have 2 or 4 paychecks and a few have “extras,” or for you self-employed, income is less predictable altogether.

2. To set your spending categories, review your bills and capture all the places your money normally goes. You will probably have to “lump,” that is, put common categories together to limit it to the 25 category spaces in the budget tool. For example, we lump all insurances (life, homeowners, auto) into one category called—you guessed it—insurance. We also lump all utilities. You get the picture. Our exhaustive list of how we lump is what you will find in the default settings of the tool. You can overwrite that text to suit your needs. You’ll see we list ministry as a category, gifts as a category, and savings as a category. Debt reduction is also a good category (beyond the payment amount). If you do not capture these up front in your plan, (figuring you’ll just save “what you have left over,”) it won’t happen! So plan your savings and debt reduction.

3. Next, input your total annual spending for each category. For accurate estimates, you’ll probably want to look over your past year’s bills, by reviewing old bills, credit card/bank statements, or your check register. Once you input annual amounts, the tool will evenly split your spending among the 12 months. It will compensate (and so should you) for those occasional payments (like fuel-oil) that are intermittent, bills that are quarterly or semi-annual, etc. This is your final spending plan.

4. Before you can use the tool, you have to make sure the budget balances. The little box on the setup worksheet labeled “budget status” must be green! If it is yellow, increase savings or another spending category. If it is red, you need more income or must reduce amounts in some of the discretionary categories. If you can’t get out of the red, you’re in trouble and I can’t help you! You must either increase your income (second job, better job, etc.) or reduce spending (more affordable housing or vehicle, debt consolidation, etc.).

5. Now to use the tool. Here is where ours and the rest diverge. Go to the “ledger” tab (green). This looks sort of like a check register with all your spending categories itemized by month. As you spend, put the data in. Weekly tends to work for us. Daily is better. Monthly is BAD!!! Don’t do it. Because if you wait until the end of the month, you may have already overspent. Again, this is a stewardship tool, not just a planning tool.

6. As you input data in you ledger, go to the “status report” tab (blue) and see where you stand. Select the current month. If you are in the green, you have money left in the pot; yellow, less than 10% left; red, overspent! The status report also tells you how much you have left for the total budget and per category. Lastly, you can see how you are tracking visually per category using the graph. Just select the category you want in the pick menu and—voila!—a graph. You want the red line to remain below the blue line on this graph, especially for the total budget!

Here are some tips from the trenches. The goal is to remain on plan per category. However, that is not realistic since spending is sporadic for most categories (except maybe loan payments such as a mortgage). Utilities fluctuate; car repairs are entirely unpredictable, etc. So you have two things to monitor—how you are tracking per category, and more importantly, how you are tracking for the TOTAL BUDGET for the month. If you have an expensive car repair that eats up your entire annual car repair budget, you better spend lightly on all the other discretionary categories so that you track per plan for the total budget for the month. If you have no other major car repairs for the year, you will still track per plan for that category. But the key is making sure you have enough money to cover your spending for that given month.

I think I covered all the major features. If you have any other questions or notice something important I missed, comment and I will comment in return so everyone can benefit from it.

God bless you,

Marc

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness?

valuesdr

I don’t know the origin of the saying, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness,” but it’s certainly not in my Bible. The closest thing I have is the Titus 2 directive to women that they should be “busy at home,” and Timothy 5:14, which tells older women to teach the younger women to “manage their homes.” While I don’t imagine that we honor God when our homes are in a state of disarray or chaos, I do believe that we can allow the pendulum to swing the other way and concentrate too much on housekeeping and not enough on other things that matter.

A minimal level of cleanliness is necessary for everyone’s health. Certainly we don’t want to let food stuffs pile up on the counters, allow our little ones to sleep on sheets that have been soiled, have such a dusty home that breathing is unhealthy, or have the carpets littered with debris that the little ones would be putting in their mouths. That much seems obvious.

Beyond that, it’s important for us to keep clean homes so that we are always prepared to “practice hospitality.” That’s in my Bible, so I take it seriously! (See Romans 12:13, 1 Timothy 5:10, and 1 Peter 4:9, for example). I don’t relish the thought of someone unexpectedly coming to my home and having to make apologies for its condition. At the same time, I don’t think we need to be able to eat off the floors, either. This is our home, and we live here…2 adults and 6 children, all of us, all day, every day. It’s not going to be perfectly clean all the time, but we do try to keep it consistently neat.

Another reason to focus on housekeeping is for the value of diligence that it imparts to the children, as they are trained to help with various chores and are encouraged to keep their messes cleaned up behind them. After all, our children are going to grow up to WORK every day, and while we do want them to enjoy their childhood and there is a time for play, they miss a lot if they don’t see the value of work. It also guides them in wisdom, to have them take care of their possessions by having “a place for everything, and everything in its place.”

Last night my husband went out with four of the six children on an extended errand and I was looking forward to having some time to myself after putting the two youngest ones to bed. All I had to do was put away the few miscellaneous toys that had gotten left out, put some of my laundry away, and get some sleeping bags and pillows out in the tents for the crew when they came home (it was a “camp out” last night, once everyone got home!). Somehow, though, those few things took a lot longer than I thought…and even though I got the little ones to bed at 7:45, I was just finishing up and making myself a cup of tea at about 9:00 when the rest of the family came in the door! Why did it take so long, I wondered? Well, my oldest would have gotten our toddler ready for bed and changed her diaper; the boys would have gone out to put the chickens in for the night and collect the eggs (one of those “unexpected” chores I did along the way…). And I would have had several of the children help with hauling pillows, blankets and sleeping bags out to the tents instead of having to make multiple trips myself. Many hands make light work, and sometimes I do not realize just how much our children help me to accomplish!

I think our children have a great attitude about work and about helping out in service to others–and that is only because we encourage them to help out around the house with all kinds of chores as they are able. (And, yes, they do have plenty of “free time” as well, just for the record!)

Granted, this takes proactive training and patience. We also have to lower our standards a bit when we view the jobs our children do. What is considered “passable” work from a child is certainly not the level of cleaning that I would do. But together, we keep our home in fairly good order.

Everyone has daily jobs, both first thing in the morning and in the late afternoon. We have a couple of general rules: Everyone works until everyone is done (so that if one child is done with his job first, he should go help a sibling with her job.) Also, (straight from 1 Thessalonians 3:10): “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” Thus, we don’t eat breakfast until after all our morning chores are done. If we have a dawdler (or even two) they get helped out by siblings for as long as they are being diligent, but if they are just playing around, they lose the privilege of having helpers and can come to the table and eat along with everyone else once they finish their designated chore. We’ve had a couple of the kids eat cold food a good hour after everyone else had left the table, but they miss the fellowship of the family and don’t prefer cold food, so that’s been a rare exception. Generally speaking, our chores get done within 30-45 minutes and then we’re on to more important things.

Of course, in having a rotating schedule of chores the whole house never looks clean at once, but we do maintain a neat appearance. Granted, we have some consistent “piles” of books and papers here and there in our particular “hot spots.” And dusting has never been my favorite thing to do, so if anything suffers, that’s it. But these things I can live with. I was chuckling to myself this morning as I looked up, because I rarely look UP (except in the spiritual sense…). Here’s what you would see if you took a quick look UP in our kitchen:
Looks nice, no? But here’s what you’d see if you REALLY “looked”:

One thing that has not ceased to amaze me about living in a log home is the number of cobwebs we have in comparison to our old house. So when I look “up” and see this, I grab my duster and take a quick trip around the house, clearing out all of the trouble spots. But beyond that, I don’t worry too much about it. There are much more important things going on. We focus on housekeeping and home management for the values that it will impart to our children and in order to be able to practice hospitality in a way that honors God; but I don’t see any reason to over-invest in this area. If we did, we’d be missing out on valuable family times, teachable moments for discipling our children, opportunities for serving others in ministry, and so on. Home management is of value as a means of training our children in Godly character; but there are so many other things going on in our home that are of greater eternal significance!

I’ve always been a person of order and schedules. I love the idea of “home management.” So stepping back a bit in my own expectations over the years has been, at times, almost painful. But now I’m at a place where I see the wisdom of this paradigm shift, and I’m thankful to the Lord for helping me to keep a balanced perspective in this area. I read a great article a while ago on Steve Nelson’s site, Premeditated Parenting, that I loved so much I now keep it posted on my refrigerator (thanks, Steve!). I’ll copy it here, but if you have a chance, make sure to visit Steve–he’s got some great stuff going on over there! 🙂

With all that being said, I hope you’ll also take the time to visit our site (http://www.valuesdrivenfamily.com/) and get some of our free downloads, including a children’s chore chart, family scheduling templates, and so on. We discuss many of these topics (home management, children and chores, character and values training) in our book, “The Values-Driven Family.” If you’re interested in exploring how to put together all of these pieces of the family puzzle, visit our site for more information or to buy the book!

Without further ado, here’s Steve’s excellent article:

The Smell of Parenting

Proverbs 14:4 Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox. ESV

A novice farmer shows off his clean barn to his neighbor. The ground is spotless, and the manger, or feed trough, looks as clean as new. After shooting the breeze a while the experienced farmer invites his friend to come and see what a barn should look like. The young farmer is a little hurt because he can’t imagine a nicer setup than he has.

They walk over to the neighbor’s farm, all the while discussing the incredible amount of work each of the older farmer’s four oxen can perform. At the barn, hay is strewn everywhere, and the feed trough is covered with dried ox slobber.

“What is that horrible stench?” asks the young man.

“That, my friend, is the smell of money.”

The goal of a farmer is not to have the nicest barn, cleanest trough, or freshest fragrances. His goal is to grow crops and raise animals. To focus on his goal, he lets a few things slide along the way. From sunup to sundown he works hard. He is not lazy or negligent, but he simply has no time to clean troughs and rake out barns. Instead of scooping up every piece of manure, he simply wears rubber boots.

A wise parent will take a similar approach. If every meal must be a culinary delight, every toy in its perfect spot, every shelf dusted, and every floor vacuumed, there will be no time left for parenting. With children comes a certain level of messiness. This is to be managed, but also expected. The goal is to raise the children, not eliminate the messiness. As the farmer embraces the mess of the ox the parent should embrace the clutter of childhood. Far more critical things are happening in our homes than keeping our houses spotless. Much good is being produced in a Christian home.

Weathering the Seasons of Life

valuesdr

I’ve been meaning to blog, really I have. I’ve had lots of thoughts, but of course now that I have a minute to sit down and write something, they’re nowhere to be found.

I’m in a new season of life. The word that keeps coming to mind when I try to describe it is “distracted.” We’re trying to stay on track with homeschooling. I decided this week to begin potty training our 20 month-old. There’s some training to do with the two older girls–new jobs I want to teach them, ways they need to be encouraged more in Godly behavior as they interact with one another. Managing the home has to happen. And then there’s the baby!

My husband and children brought in a half-dozen pumpkins last Sunday evening, because they had some soft spots and weren’t going to make it any longer on the vine. I set out Monday morning (Labor day) to cook, mash and freeze those six little pumpkins. It was about 8:30 in the morning when I started.

I think I finished at about 5:30 in the afternoon.

Why? Because I set the water to boil and put in the pumpkins. Then got distracted. We had company and so of course the children needed adequate supervision and encouragement. I wanted to put on a cup of coffee for my friend. The baby needed to nurse. Then, I wondered, how long has that pumpkin been boiling, anyway?! Pricked it with a fork and it seemed more than done. So I took it off the stove and started scraping the flesh out and dumping it into my blender.

Then I got distracted. I think it was the baby again. And then the kids wanted to go swimming, so I needed to be outside by the pool. While outside, my husband (who had been painting our garage) wondered if I had made the hamburger patties, since it was almost lunch time. Of course I hadn’t. So, leaving the other mom to police the pool, in I went to make some patties, set the table, and put out the rest of the food. Sure would have been nice if the kids had been around to help.

So the pumpkin sat on the counter until after lunch. I got the girls down for a nap, but then the baby woke up wanting to nurse. At least I got to sit down…

Managed to do about three-quarters of the pumpkin by the time the girls woke up from nap. Realized our company would still be around for dinner. Tried to figure out what I was going to put on the table. Made some cookies for the kids and the guys outside (thankfully, I had plenty of frozen balls of cookie dough in the freezer for just such on occasion!).

It goes on…but let’s just say I did not finish the pumpkin until some time after dinner. Praise God it wasn’t also a school day!

It was a good day, but a busy day. It seems every day lately is like that (though not all of them “good…”). But God is good, and God is faithful. We’re pressing on.

Seems a good time to re-post an article that I wrote almost a year ago, called “Weathering the Seasons of Life.” A lot of it is resonating with me right now, though I have to admit I’m doing better (in terms of my spiritual “being”) now than I did then. Praise the Lord for progress. 🙂

Anyway, here it is…

Weathering the Seasons of Life
By Cynthia Carrier

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

Ecclesiastes 3:1 is probably familiar to most of us; it’s not uncommon to hear talk of “seasons” in Christian circles. Seasons are those times of life when we face change, trial, unusual circumstances, or even special grace and blessing. Whenever I’ve heard people talk about being in a particular “season” of life, I get the feeling that things aren’t as they’d like, or that they’re just waiting for this “season” to pass.
We’ve recently weathered one of those seasons which, I think, has almost come to its end. It all started in August of this year when we knew we’d soon be moving from Connecticut to Indiana. Even while I began going through our houseful of belongings—sorting, giving away, throwing away, and boxing up—I was trying to get a head start on our school year, knowing that as the move became more imminent we’d be forced to take a prolonged vacation.
During this time, the baby seemed extra fussy, always wanting to be held. Our toddler was in the process of being potty-trained, with irregular success. And suddenly our three year-old daughter became incredibly whiny. I will say that I did try very hard to keep everything on an even keel, both for myself and particularly for the children. I wanted the transition to be as seamless as possible. Admittedly, however, I had a hard time distinguishing between those things that “needed” to get done and what I simply felt pressured to accomplish. As a result, I was easily frustrated. This did not help to keep the tone of our home what it should have been.
As it so often does, God’s grace evidenced itself at many critical moments. There were quite a few times I had to confess my irritability to my husband or my children and ask for forgiveness and prayer. All in all, though, the process of packing, and even driving halfway across the country, went fairly well and I began to congratulate myself on having weathered this season of life.
I was to find out, however, that it was only the beginning. Once we moved into our new home, the unpacking was another challenge of its own. Yet, we’d been on homeschool “vacation” for almost three whole weeks and I wanted to get back to the books, in one form or another. Trouble was, all the school things were still in boxes and I had no place to put them, as the rec room where they would be stored had woefully inadequate shelving. Add to this feeling pressured to attack all of the other areas of the house (both cleaning and unpacking), and not even knowing where the local grocery store was! Being one who does not deal well with change in the first place, I was reaching the limits of my ability to cope.
To top it all off, after having been in Indiana for only a few days (and thinking that things could only go up from here!), our nine-month-old baby suddenly stopped nursing and my hormones went a little berserk. I’d like to think that I only had a few bad days, but my husband lovingly insists that it was the better part of a week. I was not pleasant to be around. Not only did I make most of the family miserable, but I made myself miserable with self-condemnation. By week’s end, I was asking God to just give me the grace to “start over.” And finally, He did. On Saturday I awoke and truly felt like I had experienced the mercies of God that are “new every morning” (see Lamentations 3:22-24).
But the season itself was still not over. I began homeschooling again that Monday with what few materials I could muster, all while continuing to unpack and make our new house a home and struggling to get to know a new community and integrate in a new church. There were still many things that remained much too unsettled. Thankfully, however, my emotional state had stabilized.
As I write this reflection, I finally feel like this season has run its course. There are only a handful of boxes that remain to be unpacked. Our house feels like home. School has resumed successfully for these past few weeks. We’ve learned the area a bit and gotten to know some wonderful brothers and sisters in the Lord. I’ve asked the Lord throughout this season just what it was He wanted to show me, and now that it’s nearing its end, I believe He’s finally brought it all together. As He always does, He’s worked all things for good and given me some lessons that will hopefully carry me through the next difficult season of life with a bit more joy and stability.
The Word that God gave me to put it all together is found in Ecclesiastes 8:4-6:
“For the word of a king is authority and power, and who can say to him, What are you doing? Whoever observes the [king’s] command will experience no harm, and a wise man’s mind will know both when and what to do. For every purpose and matter has its [right] time and judgment, although the misery and wickedness of man lies heavily upon him [who rebels against the king].” (Ecclesiastes 8:4-6, AMP)

The New Living Translation puts it this way:
“His command is backed by great power. No one can resist or question it. Those who obey him will not be punished. Those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right, for there is a time and a way for everything, even when a person is in trouble.”
With this Scripture, God brought some conviction to my spirit that I had focused more, in this season, on the doing than on my being. Yes, everything that needed to get accomplished was accomplished—but there was an unnecessary expense to myself and to my family. I believe that one of the reasons things began to turn around was because, during my bad week, I realized that I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t even know what to pray—so I just asked God for wisdom. I also asked Him to help me to obey Him and live according to His Word, first and foremost, trusting that everything else would fall into place in His time. When I read the verses above, these truths seem to resonate there.
When we’re going through one of life’s seasons, we can’t just give up. We must look to the Lord and to His Word and seek wisdom for each moment. We have to be willing to do hard things, if that’s what God asks of us. Sometimes simply obeying God is hard enough in itself (for example, responding gently and patiently to a child’s repeated questions, when really we’d like to snap at them, “Would you just be quiet?!”) At other times, we may have to give up on our own preconceived ideas about how things “should” be, and go with what God wants them to be.

A season of life may come about because of a pregnancy or the birth of a new baby, an illness or death in the family, a job change or move, or any number of life transitions. As managers of our homes and daughters of the King, we have to persevere through these trials knowing that they will result in greater maturity (James 1:2-4).

In practical terms this may mean that for a while our homes are “neat” rather than “clean.” If we homeschool, we may rely on oral drill and practice rather than workbooks, or focus on the basics of the “three R’s” rather than a more formal curriculum.
If we want to continue to fulfill the Scriptural injunction to “practice hospitality” during a challenging season, we simply have to remember that there is a difference between hospitality and entertaining. We don’t have to offer a four-course meal on fine china with our best silver and choice of drinks and dessert. Instead, our guests will feel most welcome and most blessed when we seek to serve in love. Proverbs 17:1 may speak to this when it says, “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.” At the same time, we do need to seek Godly wisdom for those activities that can reasonably be refused—even “church” functions!

It is always wise to have some freezer meals on hand for those unexpected trying times. If you don’t, ask some of the women in your fellowship or family if they would be willing to cook a meal for your family. God created us as the body of Christ to support and uplift one another; if you have particular needs in a trying season, be honest about sharing them and asking for what you need. First and foremost, lift your concerns to God in prayer and He will provide help, oftentimes in unexpected ways.

James 1:2-8 is a good Scripture to remember as you face the storms of life:
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” (James 1:2-8, NIV)
Granted, it’s not easy to remain joyful in the face of adversity—but it should encourage us to know that God is working all things for good and that we’ll get done exactly what God means for us to accomplish. That’s where it’s important to pray for wisdom—because all too often, our frustrations arise simply because our ideas and God’s plans are at odds. We must commit to living in a way that honors God, even when life throws us a curveball. As we do so, God is faithful and will bring the appointed season to an end when He’s sure that we’ve learned whatever lesson He intended to teach us.